“Channing Tatum’s penis is gross. It looks like a hot dog that’s been left too long on the grill. The tip is hot-pink, singed, and shriveled. It appears angry. And it’s painful to view. My penis hurts just from looking at it. Movie stars tend to be vain, by nature and profession, but Chan—that’s what everyone calls him—does not mind one bit showing me his sad, withered wiener.”
Craig Marks, Details Magazine 2010
The 31-year-old actor/model/stripper/gay hunkster and his penis have been a source of lust and fascination ever since Chan was discovered on the streets of Miami and paid $400 to be Ricky Martin’s bitch in the music video She Bangs. Not one to rest on a gay Latino’s haunches, Chan hit the big time by baring his muscular physique, and his ass, for the homoerotic pages of an Abercrombie & Fitch catalog, followed by an appearance in the February 2002 issue of Out Magazine. (Pay attention now as we keep score of the ‘might be gay’ points; Ricky, A&F, Out . . . that’s 3 so far).
Of course straight guys have peni, too – though few have been banged by Ricky and stripped down for gay fans to oggle off to – but add in Chan and his penis’ staring role in The Eagle, a homoerotic film set in the SF leather bar of the same name, in which they play the beefy, scantily-clad master to Jamie Bell’s slave role before switching from top to bottom, master to slave, and my gaydar really starts pinging. (I didn’t see the movie and just assume I have the plot-line correct. Regardless, that’s #4)
Chan says of the BDSM epic with two male leads, two peni, and zero fish, “ I think Jamie had a lot of fun having me as a slave . . . he abused me. We’ve been having sex for a few years now.” Bell, who jumped hottie Hayden Christiansen in a previous movie, has more stature as an actor than he does in his real-life parts according to Tatum. “He’s really small. He’s a grower though”
Okay, in his interview he actually said ‘goer,’ tongued tied over the memory and not quite getting the term right. But come on, his college years were thanks to a football scholarship and his fame is not built on his acting chops but rather from being a delicious piece of eye candy, a role he embraces by adding “We have only four to six really talkie scenes in the entire movie.”
In the movie, the brooding twosome spend a lot of time gazing into each other’s eyes with passion, then get into a fight and start rolling around on the ground on top of each other, causing movie goers around the world to wail, ‘Why don’t they just kiss and get it over with?’ Much as the same reaction to his earlier film Step Up where Chan, his penis, and Damaine Radcliff spend a lot of time gazing into each other’s eyes with passion, then get into a fight and start dancing with each other.
More on point, the former male stripper and his penis are set to star in a movie directed by Steven Soderbergh – as soon as he is finished filming hot sex scenes between Michael Douglas and Matt Damon in his upcoming biopic about Liberace – that delves into the life of a veteran stripper who teaches a young dancer how to hustle on stage and off. (Um, I think that’s #5 and #6) Not a big stretch for Chan, and his penis, as both are famous for their true life adventure working at a male strip club in Florida back in the late 90’s when they were broke 18-year-old hotties. (#7)
Soderbergh says of the movie with the working title Magic Mike, “It was one of the best ideas I’d ever heard for a movie. It’s sexy, funny and shocking. We’re using Saturday Night Fever as our model, so hopefully we’re on the right track.” (Ping, ping, ping #8 . . . unless you’re one of the few who hasn’t come to the realization that Saturday Night Fever star John Travolta and his penis are gay).
Movie goers are throbbing in anticipation for release. Of the movie. Chan and his penis will be playing the Obi-Wan Kobe role to Alex Pettyfer’s Luke Skywalker, a beastly co-star choice and a bromance to look forward to. Adding pretty boy Pettyfer to the cast ratchets up the brain cell rating by half a point and the pink nippled shirtless hunkster rating by a few thousand. Like Chan and his penis, Alex tends to set the gaydar off ( and he’s almost legal now), to wit: he’s so damn adorable, a male model, he did the older/younger gay male thing with Neil Patrick Harris last year, and is British . . . probably the most damning evidence of all.
Chan, a one note actor lacking pitch, has numerous movies under his belt thanks to Hollywood producers knowing where his talents hang. Percentage-wise, movies in which he has appeared shirtless, at the very least, score 100%. Directors too seem to be enamored with Chan and his penis: a persistent rumor – which I’m proud to add life to – has it that on one film he and his director, of the male persuasion, were caught making out during a photo shoot. (Possibly just gossip, but what the hell: #9)
In the time honored Hollywood tradition of sham marriages, Chan and his penis said we do to Jenna Dewan in 2009. But Chan’s longest relationship is with buddy Adam Martingano who he works out with daily in Tatum’s personal gym (wink, wink). Martingano got to know Chan and his penis when the three of them worked together in the Florida-based Male Encounter stripper show, and are now BFFs, not unlike previous Gay of the Week Jake Gyllenhaal’s romance relationship with David Modigliani, his best buddy from childhood. (And there’s #10, a perfect score . . . But wait! There’s more!)
Early shots of Chan and his penis dressed in nada but a pair of briefs surfaced after their initial rise of glory. The shots were taken during their college years by a nerdy gay fellow student who paid Chan $40 for the session. Now a blogger, the photographer recounts the meeting, ruing that he’d not convinced Tatum to go full monty. “I got the feeling he’s used to being ogled and enjoys it a little. I shot a few frames of him in a towel and then followed him down the hall to his room.”
”What do you want me to do?” Chan asked. “I’m not sure what kind of pictures you want. I just beat off an hour ago, though.”
So there’s bonus point #11, and little Chan failed to make his debut but rose to fame in the incident that elicited Tatum showing pix of his little friend to the appreciative interviewer from Details:
“While filming The Eagle, Tatum was pretend-soldiering one raw, wet October day in the Scottish Highlands. The action required him to wade in ice-cold water, which, despite a high-tech wetsuit, could be withstood for only a few minutes. “The only way to keep warm was by pouring a mix of boiling water and river water down your suit. We were finally done shooting for the day, and one of the crew guys asks if I want to warm up before I go. I’m like, Nah, I’m good. And then I thought, Why not? Thing is, he’d forgotten to dilute the kettle water. So he poured scalding water down my suit. And I was trying to pull the suit away from my body to somehow get away from the boiling water, and the more I pulled the suit away, the lower the water went. It just went straight down and pretty much burned the skin off the head of my dick.”
Tatum was rushed to the nearest hospital—an hour away—and a team of doctors salved and bandaged his wound. “I had five guys looking at my shriveled, burned penis,” he says proudly.
“It was the most painful thing I have ever experienced in my life,” he says, flipping through photos on his iPhone until he lands on a grainy snapshot of a scorched member. “I’m good . . . now,” he says with a grin.”
Good? I’d go so far as to say mighty fine . . .
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Kurt said:
amazing amazing article
dropdeadguys said:
Thanks Kurt!
Daren said:
I am not really sure if I should ask it here but you seem to know a lot about Bangkok. Where can I buy jockstraps, thongs in Bangkok. Been here a week and trying to find a shop since I got here. No luck.
Bangkokbois said:
Try Tokyo at MBK, they carry the HOM brand of men’s underwear which includes thongs. There was, I assume still is, a boutique on Soi 4 (Silom) by Telephone Pub that carries jocks and thongs too. Usually a vendor or two right in that area at night on the street that’ll have some knowing lots of gay guys will be passing by.
Or you could off a guy from Tawan and offer to buy his.
🙂
Daren said:
LOL i walked around MBK this afternoon and I missed Tokyo XD Silom Soi 4 eh? ok, gonna go search there too XD I need them for my boyfriend. I don’t know about offing a guy lol I don’t even have balls to go to the go go bars.. not saying I am a whimp >_> I just hate attempting to communicate with any thai at the moment…… not only their English sucks, their IQ level is low too!!!! -.-”
Bangkokbois said:
Okay Daren, so you walked around MBK and missed the 5 story Tokyo Department Store . . . but Thais have a low IQ level?
🙂
(Sorry, but you walked into that one!)
Daren said:
I guess i did walk into that one LMFAO!! well i never said i wasn’t daft either 😛 so there!! besides, you led me into that one…. Cos it’s tokyu i think o.0 not tokyo….. >_> and i only see female lingerie there >_< and i did walked around soi4 and damn that was scary… There were huge dildos and vibrators selling on the road!! and I don't know how they know I'm gay but one of the shopkeeper( a lady ) just practically shoved that thing up my nose! maybe there's something written on my forehead that I like dildos… oh well… so I saw some shops with jockstraps and g-strings but not really good quality and the one shop near telephone, Body Talk, i went there and they didn't have any jockstraps at all. I think I'll just head to dailyjocks websiate. i hate the wait for shipping but oh well.. I did buy some from that market though, some of the stuff they offer are just awesome…. like ties for 50 baht!! I felt like i got them for free lol not that i am super rich or anything. I might have over paid some stuff too lol hmm my comment's turning into a blog, gonna stop here!! oh and hey you rock!! Maybe You're like older than me by half but man, I love ya! and yeah you keep amazing me by adding those sexy pics for each entry lol
Bangkokbois said:
lol.
Yup, that’s what I get for being a smart ass.
Um you might want to try the men’s underwear department at Tokyu – and then maybe those shopkeepers on soi 4 wouldn’t automatically assume you’re gay.
Thanks for your comments Daren, hope you continue to enjoy my blog.
Al said:
There IQ isn’t that low, they’ve secured a fair share of your money apparently. Where ya gettin these guys anyway if you’re too ball-less to go to go-go bars???
Daren said:
oh by the way, do you know where i can buy condoms and lubes and maybe sex toys(optional) o.0?
Bangkokbois said:
Condoms and lube are available at every 7/11. Usually right next to the cash register. Sex toys are a no-no in Thailand, so other than wood dildos (which are fertility and/or good luck charms) you won’t find any of those. Unless you consider one of the guys from Tawan a sex toy . . .
Al said:
Sex toys are available at Jutajuk markets, just stroll around ’till you find them.
Bangkokbois said:
Um, those are puppies Al, not sex toys.
🙂
Al said:
Damn, no wonder I couldn’t find where to put the goddamn batteries!
Bangkokbois said:
rofl
uh, that’s not a pretty mental picture, Al!
Mick jagger said:
I like that last picture;) rrrrrraaaaaooooo.
P.S. Love the article! Everything I needed to know!
Bangkokbois said:
Thanks Mick, nice that Chan’s gonna be soon giving fans more to ogle over in his upcoming stripper movie!
Chad said:
Amazing article and hot pics. Channing is sooo.sexy. We bama boys got a lit to offer. Lol. Excellent artcle!!!
Bangkokbois said:
Thanks Chad, and yeah you ‘bama boys do have a lot to offer . . . the accent alone gets me going.
Aaron said:
Amazing <3
Bangkokbois said:
Thanks Aaron, but then Chan’s penis is a hard muse to beat.
🙂
authorkokobrown said:
Hate to bust your bubble, but the picture of Channing Tatum with Damian Radcliff is actually actor Brian White and the movie is Fighting. That’s why all the staring and bare chest.
Bangkokbois said:
Damn! Over 45,000 views of this post and you’re the first to know that!
Apologies to Brian White who now the world thinks is Damian Radcliff.
But the come fuck me look Chan’s giving him still works, so no foul.
Thanks!
Keawe Kalawe said:
WHAT A FUCKING WASTE… THAT EVEN MY KUTCHIE IS CRYING…. WHAT THE FUCK… CAN I TURN U STRAIGHT.. MAYBE I CAN….BUWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHHAAHAHAHHAAH FOR REAL THOUGH WHAT A WASTE THIS IS WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT PRIME EXAMPLE.. NOTHING BUT WASTE WHY CANT THE UGLY ONES GO GAY WHY DOES IT HAVE TO BE THE GOOD GENUINE AND BIG DONG AND GOOD LOOKING GUYS GOTTO GO GAY… DAMN DONT U FEEL FOR US WAHINE…DAMN TO ALL THOSE WHO HAVE HURT OR TURNED ALL THE GOOD GUYS GAY… 🙁
Jenn said:
Dong you mean ding… Def not DONG….
Wishbone said:
What the hell kind of 2 digit IQ bullshit is this? HA you get what you deserve… “good looking and/or big dong = good person” – yeah, brace yourself honey for a miserable ride in life… at least you’ll pick up a few fun STDs along the way!!
Tori said:
Gay or straight…Channing is FUCKN HOT…u can hate but the facts are for fuckin real.
rose said:
Did It ever occur that he is probably Bisexual. The Brother looks like he is extremely IN Love with his wife too. The way he looks at her and talks about her is apparent. for all we know she probably. Knows. He doesn’t seem the type to hide shit.
Look at these two video. Tries to kiss the interviewer. “I only Do Tongue Bros” lol
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vBzveWL8Z2o&feature=related
the second one he is practically flirting with him. kinda. He seems comfortable with himself.”Tell Your Husband its got time”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qMEgLNLyv8U
Bangkokbois said:
I’ve seen interviews too where he’s talked about his wife and you’re right, there is no doubt he loves her – he’s not that good of an actor for it to be otherwise. This article was meant in jest, kinda sorta, but after checking out the videos you linked to you may be right ‘cuz that boy comes across bi at least!
Thanks!
rose said:
Doesn’t really matter anyways whether he is or not. At The end of the day, Jenna still gets to tap that. Lucky Woman lol
Bangkokbois said:
The bitch.
🙂
trentharris said:
Nice to visit this post. Nice summary of article which is very enjoyable and interesting. I really like to read this type of story. Nice topic about Gay. Thanks for sharing.
Bangkokbois said:
Posting generalized comments on a blog to drive readers to your own blog is really old hat Trent, and reeks of desperation. Most bloggers consider it spam and trash those comments, as I generally do.
But I visited your blog and for the following statement you made there alone I’m gonna give you your link:
“Another great advantage of hiring an escort over having a boyfriend is that in an escort relationship, it’s all about you.”
whoop whoop said:
is it true?
is he really guy cos if its true i wanna be his bitch boy
Bangkokbois said:
Sorry whoop, you are at the end of the line and it is a long one.
BrianSmith said:
I want to jump on his body. He is so sexy
Bangkokbois said:
Um, yeah, I believe that is the essence of Chan’s popularity.
hlakz said:
plp talent is th grt thng in lyf without it is lyk a chiken thts is ben cuked bt n salt in it
Richy said:
You really charming. And wish if you are mine