Interested in improving your sex life? Forget about that little blue pill or travelling thousands of miles to where the men are more available, or at least more purchasable. According to the University of Chicago, all you really need to do is start smoking and drinking like a fish. And if you want to achieve Casanova status, learn to appreciate jazz while you’re at it.

You’d think that with smokers becoming the social pariahs that they are these days, and the steady puritanical swing toward less frequent imbibing, people who indulge in either activity would find it more difficult to find a suitable partner to bed. But according to the university’s General Social Survey database, a rich and reliable source covering the demographics and trends surrounding American sexual activity, the exact opposite is true. The survey says that smokers are 10 percent more sexually active than nonsmokers. And drinkers are 20 percent more sexually active than nondrinkers. According to the survey, by lighting up a ciggie and downing a shot or two you are 200 percent more likely to get laid than those who do neither. Do so at a jazz club and your odds for an orgasm just went up by another twenty percent.

The database, collected by social scientists working with the university since 1989, compiles the sexual activities and preferences of over 10,000 USA-based respondents. The scientists say that sex is universally cited by those participating in their study as American’s favorite activity. It’s just not one indulged in as often by those who detest drinking and smoking. It’s not surprisingly that those who practice abstinence is some areas of their lives find it carries over into their sex life too. Saints seldom have as much fun as sinners do. Attitude goes a long way in whether or not you are going to get laid at any given time.

Not that your attitude is always what’s in play. Whether it is the cause or result, smokers who drink while nodding to a jazzy beat before heading off for yet another orgasm, often have a poor attitude about others. Not that that stops them from getting laid. The General Social Survey finds that for many Americans, a robust sex life goes along with a pessimistic view of other people; those who engage in sexual activity more frequently are more likely than average to say they do not regard other people as fair or trustworthy. But that could just be the alcohol talking.

According to the study, sexual activity is highest among people who are most likely to seek adventure. And the more sexually active people are the more likely they are to report frequent contact with friends rather than relatives, and the more likely they are to go out to bars. Susan Block, author of The Ten Commandments of Pleasure: Erotic Keys to a Healthy Sexual Life, says she is not surprised by the results of the survey. “Drinking is one of the few genuine aphrodisiacs,” she says. “It lowers your inhibitions, so people who have been drinking have sex with people they would never have sex with if they weren’t drinking.” Being in Pattaya has the same effect.

Block also notes that people who smoke these days are risk-takers, and are well aware of nicotine’s lethal powers. She says that unlike with alcohol, smoking is not an aphrodisiac but feeds their drive for adventure. It appears to also feed their drive to get laid.

As for why being a jazz aficionado will get you laid more often I haven’t a clue. But then did you really think humming Justin Bieber’s latest tune was gonna make you attractive as a bedmate to anyone other than a lesbian?

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