Trolling on the internet takes many forms. Flaming, and being generally disagreeable, of course, are the most common form of trolling. But where that is considered undesirable behavior at most sites on the ‘net, it’s standard practice on the gay Thailand message boards where nothing furthers the dialogue like a well-placed barb. Even if they do usually come off more like the utterings of an extra in The Boys In The Band than a witty bon mot. Even those few that consider themselves to be boards beyond such ungentlemanly-like conduct thoroughly enjoy the art of flaming. They, however, reserve that right for either the board owner, or for members to use only against those the owner or ruling clique dislike. Indeed, some would argue that flaming, defined as the act of posting or sending offensive messages over the Internet, is the very essence of the gay Thailand message board world.
Detestable, despicable, offensive, and repellent as flaming is generally considered to be elsewhere, a far more loathsome but popular crime on the gay Thailand message boards is being a hydra. It is second in popularity to flaming a member by accusing them of being a hydra. The term Hydra derives from ancient Greek mythology where it was a serpent-like water beast with reptilian traits that possessed many heads – the poets mention more heads than the vase-painters could paint, and for each head cut off it grew two more – and poisonous breath and blood so virulent even its tracks were deadly. As apt as that term may sound, hydra is a term coined and used solely on the gay Thailand message boards. Those who invent multiple personas and register numerous fictitious handles elsewhere are called sock puppets. I suspect whoever first used the term hydra was a hydra himself, preferring the expression that envisions a naked Greek godly hero battling a beast of mythological proportions over one of a smelly, tired, worn, discarded piece of clothing brought back to life by a hand that undoubtedly spends most of its life engaged in the less heroic battle of spanking the monkey.
Be that as it may, the hydra is a hallowed institution on the gay Thailand forums and as such should be honored and treated with respect. Hydras of the past were majestic creations that angered many and brought Smiles to the faces of many more. Who can forget Homitern, a creation so unforgettable that the rumor of his death out-lived the breadth of his fictitious life. Or the less stellar but undeniably effective Combat, a hydra created by Beachlover – who many would consider to be the epitome of being a hydra – to prop up and support the Beach’s frequent flaming attacks on the old and older alike.
Today, unfortunately, the comic-like fictitious hydra characters that populate the boards are a far cry from the majestic trolls that hydras once were. Taking on the persona of a cartoon character – complete with matching avatar – is one of the more popular and idiotic attempts at hydrating these days that raises a flag so false the deception is as easy to spot as a pedo in a playground. You have to wonder why they even bother. Or considering the passions of many, why they don’t instead spend their time on playgrounds.
Hunter S. Thompson gave us the memorable line, “When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.” And no where is that sentiment more applicable than on the gay Thailand message boards. Creating a hydra should not be an endeavor undertaken lightly. It’s a tradition that demands a modicum of effort to created a believable character separate enough from your own persona as to allow you to carry on protracted debate with yourself that does not come off simply as the mutterings of a friendless reprobate stewing in the morass that is his desolate life. In other words, you have to set your hydra above the level of the typical poster on the forums. With that goal in mind, here are some tips on how to be an effective hydra:
Your Character Becomes Your Destiny:
It takes great care and finesse to create a believable hydra. And like with a great wine, your hydra should mature with age. You’ll need to fully map out the characteristics of your hydra (if for no other reason than to keep this one separate from the others you have and will create). Nuances of personality are important. As is a backstory. These details will provide the basis your hydra requires to post years of inflammatory opinions and put-downs in a believable manner. How consistent and credible your hydra appears will determine its longevity.
Not that credibility should be your overarching concern. You may think that like a midget at a urinal you’re going to have to be on your toes, but as suspicious as a lot as the gay Thailand forum members are, the bar has been set so low by real forum members that no matter how outrageous are the peccadillos you come up with for your hydra they will pale in comparison. Consider Bucknaway’s 12-year-old-who-just-discovered-his-dick act as a prime example of a personality that would scream for incarceration at the closest mental-health facility in any other social setting. Or ChristianPFC’s hunt for a marginally acceptable warm, living body to fill his ideal of a perfect pair of underwear. Mark Twain must have been thinking about gay Thailand forum posting regulars when he observed that “Truth is stranger than fiction.” Do not be timid in setting the temperament of your hydra. Larger than life should be your objective or your hydra will have no hope of holding a candle to the eccentricities that pass for the norm on the message boards.
The Devil Is In The Details:
Beachlover as Hydra is without a doubt the prime character study for anyone attempting to create a believable hydra. Even though that persona is his primary one for posting, it is the embodiment of the internet troll and serves well as an example of creating and managing a hydra. The all important details you decide to use should be specific enough to be credible but general enough to prevent being caught out in the fantasies you’ll weave. CDNMatt’s wholehearted belief in Beachball’s authenticity proves the effectiveness of using non-specific but consistent details to flesh out your hydra, though it also makes you wonder if ignorance really is bliss then why isn’t Matt the happiest person in the world.
The Devil Wears Prada:
Style too is an important part of your hydra’s make-up. It should carefully match its backstory, the details of which you will slowly reveal over time. Grammar and word use should be appropriate to the age and ethnicity of your hydra. But don’t over do it. Obvious hydras rely too strongly on slang and ethnocentric grammar usage, a common mistake that is readily evident in the half dozen hydras being managed by a single poster on the Bitch Board. Purposely misspelling words and committing errors of grammar too should be avoided both because it is a ploy easy to spot and because Brithai/Timmberty/Bertyberttimmy/Bert And Ernie whose masterful mangling of the English language is causing LMTU to roll in his grave out of jealousy already holds title to being the ignorant bastard with not enough pride to communicate in something resembling his native language.
Despicable Me:
Don’t just be rude and obnoxious. To be a valuable member of the hydra community you need to stir emotions through well-crafted derisive remarks. As a gay man you are supposed to be skilled at this art. Aspire to ridicule via the subtle snark. Even those who suspect you are a hydra will cut you slack if your abuse is skillfully applied. Read any of Boo Hoo’s post to see how not to do this.
The right to post boring cut and paste news items that are of no interest and news to no one and then claim they have been emailed to you by a nonexistent friend is a right that is reserved strictly for use by the Lonely Wombat, a man sunk so deep in his personal misery that he radiates broadband resentment. Boring is not an option for a good hydra. The majority of forum posters already rely on the weight of their own thoughts to make them feel like they are not alone. They will despise the reflective nature of your hydra if you claim this trait for your own.
Home Is Where The Heart Is:
Choosing which board or boards you decide to register your hydra to is of utmost importance. Baht Stop, for example, is a board filled with the hydras of a very small handful of members, and a few other folk too stupid to realize it. The quality of hydra there is low and child-like in effort, though in their defense they are dealing with a membership with a child-like mentality. Baht Stop truly is a case of too many freaks, not enough circuses. If you have any pride, you will not sully the reputation of your hydra by posting to this forum of the dipsomaniacal and dispossessed.
At first glance Gay Thailand may seem like a good board for your hydra to call home. The half dozen members of that board welcome new members with open arms, assuming that anyone boring enough to want to join them must share in their cherished state of vacuity. But within a few posts they will turn on you like a pack of rabid dogs intent on eating their young. But they will address you as Khun in the meantime. If you can’t resist planting your hydra on this board, use Khun in your hydra’s name, That will drive them batshit crazy.
The Bitch Board, a multi-headed hydra itself, is a place no self-respecting hydra would allow himself to be seen posting. The hydras there make the hydras on Baht Stop – which of course are in many cases the creations of the same few miserable Pattaya expats – look like comic geniuses. I mean smurf, smurf? Really? Besides, Da Boss’ was a hydra is no longer a hydra but no one was fooled or gives a fuck anyway’s rantings have taken over on that board and it is now nothing more than a commentary on the dangers of retiring to the Sodom and Gomorrah of SE Asia with more money than brains when your mental health is already suffering from years of self-inflicted depravity and abuse.
Cruising Gay Thailand, the new kid on the block that has as much chance at survival as a Mayfly, was conceived by a hydra who barely lasted two full days. Run by a man who has trouble remembering which shoe goes on which foot, it may seem a worthy board for your hydra if for no better reason than the challenge laid down against hydra use by its owner. But that’s like stealing candy from a baby, or buying tainted soup from a Pattaya kitchen. You don’t want to degenerate your hydra’s reputation by having it appear on this forum. You may, however, want to register your hydra’s name on Cruising Gay Thailand to reserve and protect its use, which appears to be crucial to the regular posters on the gay Thailand forums. Because god forbid you wouldn’t want some other fan of the debauchery that passes for a sex life in Sunee to sully your reputation.
Gay Button’s blog on the other hand can be a fun temporary home for your hydra. Jabba The Butt prides himself on his ability to sniff out hydras, but the scent of a cheese danish anywhere within five miles is enough to throw him off his game. Too busy preforming his duties as the Sultan of Sunee, Jabba generally relies on his overbearing and obnoxious nature to drive away hydras – and any other member with an ounce of self-awareness or self-respect – from his blog. Gay Button Thai, however, is a good board to practice with a newly created hydra before taking it to the big time. Where your initial poorly crafted postings might be ignored elsewhere, you know Jabba can not control himself from posting an answer to each and every post made by a member of his merry little band of kiddie lovers. So go for it. Besides, he can use the exercise.
If you are serious about your hydras the only board you should be posting to is the grandfather of all hydra homes, Sawatdee Gay Thailand. This is where the hydra was invented and where the hydras of renown still reside today. A forum filled with wizened oldsters celebrating decades of mutual dislike, anything other than the most carefully crafted hydra will have as much impact as a sparrow’s belch in a typhoon on SGT. This is Broadway to the other board’s regional theater and introducing your hydra to the other hydras on this board requires a deft touch. Being masters of hydradom themselves, they can spot a fake quicker than Scottish-Guy is to get his panties in a wad over misinterpreting a basic compound sentence. But at the same time, as the history of the boards have shown us, they are firm believers and participants in that old adage of fool me once . . .
Your best bet is to let a Smiles be your umbrella. Emulation is, of course, the sincerest form of flatulence. Start slow, engage a simpleton easy to anger, such as Kunt12 by referring to him as Kunt12. Or mentioning Phuket in a favorable light. Then work your way up to AK-47 whose chain is as easy to pull. The amount of time it takes him to carefully craft a multiple-sourced and quoted reply that absolutely no one other than AK-47 will ever bother to read is the exact type of impact you are looking for in using your hydra. With its long history of hydra-use there is some danger in attempting to use anything other than the most skillfully crafted hydra on SGT, but fortunately jinx is the sole moderator these days and is so busy making up for lost time with deletions, thread locks, and moving the offending to some unknown place in outer space he has no time or interest in ferreting out new hydras. Unless it’s a new one of Da Boss’.
The Best Offense Is A Good Defense.
Or maybe that’s the other way around. Doesn’t matter. The nice thing about hydra accusations is none of the board owners or moderators are intelligent enough to actually be able to determine who is and who is not a hydra, a skill that a 12-year-old with a smartphone could easily master. That means everyone is fair game. If your hydra is accused of being a hydra, throw that accusation back in your accuser’s face. And then use another of your hydras to second the motion. If all else fails, you can always create a new hydra to replace the one that suffered an early death.
Practice Makes Perfect:
With new boards and old boards under new ownership, this is the perfect time for you to begin creating a few hydras of your own. That endeavor, however, can be rife with problems, mistakes are easy to make at first, and no one wants to ruin a good hydra with errors committed in its infancy. To that end I will help you to post hydra-like messages on SGT until you have the knack down pat, or my non-hydra handle gets banned from the board, or I get a good laugh out of someone’s efforts. Feel free to log in under my user name, Rush, Yet Again. The password is freehydrause. Please do not edit my signature, but otherwise, have fun, Do me proud. And no worries, I probably have several other identities to post under there anyway.
Totally Unrelated Posts You Might Enjoy Anyway:
Hendrikbkk said:
Thanks for the invitation but I already admitted myself to a real loony house.
The only reason I visit the boards is to read about Christian’s adventures, they are hilarious. He has a funny way on commented on his trials and tribulations and the story about his Burmese friend who turned out a male gay was the highlight. They will soon head to some disco near Rangsit, by bus 557.
I sometimes wonder how those people are in real life, surely they can’t be as awful as they are online? Who in their right mind will hang out with a Gaybutton (reading his article that he only has to stand outside his mansion to get laid made me puke), a Fountainhead (what a prick that is) or that Scottish Ass, the most useless person on the boards with his oh so funny remarks.
Have to stop now, time for my medication.
Bangkokbois said:
I’d never consider it before, but Christian could easily be a troll. His tales seem to rile folk up to a troll-like degree. I loved the reaction to his not-offable bar boy post – a lot of advice, some well-intended, all blaming him for being too cheap, too picky, too Christian, and adopting the stance that he is not a happy camper. That’s what I like about him, he knows exactly who he is and accepts it in a self-depreciating and often humorous manner. I don’t think he is unhappy in the least bit, sounds to me like he is having the time of his life. I like to think of him as the gay Thailand version of Prince Charming, desperately trying to find the princess whose foot will fit in the shoe – though in his case it’s a pair of underwear. Sure he ends up with the ugly stepsister more often than not, but one of these days he’s gonna find his Cinderfella.
ChristianPFC said:
bus 554
Gay butt holes favorite hydra said:
You got the artof trolling now allow me to reveal a funy fact that was a secret to thisday gay butt hole was taken for a ride by not any less then 70 hydras for 2 years we banded together to make mockery of how stupide gullible he is.we decided what posts will stay on the front page like a pooh smelland what posts will die.We owned the fools forum sweetheart it was us making 40 comments a dayto confuse him.jabba is the best troll victim because he is so stupide and easy like you say, Jabba the fools was never none the wiser and it rather easy to rile him up good and make him shake with anger its so funny to see youre see, just a post about fondling bar boys without a tip, after sex rituals, sexual hiv testing ,bars should make the boys take a hiv test, pooh ssmelling asses from boys ,want to findi a dirtie cheesie cock,pornographic boys and dirtie condoms all his favorit things to talk and he thinks it is all serious and he even makes argument and fight with his stupide friends like richlb to say there are no trolls only real people……a real people alrite wen they want to talk about pooh!!!!!!i think we should do its again to see if gay butt hole is wizened up.
Re: SHOW ME THE MONEY! AFTER SEX RITUAL.
by Gaybutton » Thu Mar 17, 2011 2:05 am
I don’t understand what all this game playing is about. If you off a boy he is providing a service and he expects to be paid for it, just like you would pay an electrician or a plumber. Unless it is also awkward and embarrassing to pay them, I don’t see why it would be any more awkward or embarrassing to pay the boy. You don’t have to say a word. Just give him his money. What do you think he went off with you for? He’ll thank you, give you a wai, and be on his way, which is exactly what he wants to do.
You’re not embarrassed to take him off. You’re not embarrassed to take him to your hotel. You’re not embarrassed to have sex with him. But you’re embarrassed and feeling awkward to give him his money? I’m sorry, but that goes directly to my “I Don’t Get It” list. I have no sympathy or understanding for that. The way I see it, if it is too awkward and embarrassing to give the boy his money, then don’t take him off in the first place.
Bangkokbois said:
ROFL!
Brilliant!
I’m in awe!
And now I understand how that poop thread could have gone on and on like it did.
Bravo!
tim said:
orelse you could spend your days seaching for cock on the internet!!
Bangkokbois said:
Wow! A comment from Little Miss Sunshine two days in a row!
So let me guess: The ‘utterings of an extra in The Boys In The Band’ line struck a bit too close to home, right?
Ya know Tim, we’ve previously discussed that there is no reason for you to becomee a disgruntled, miserable bastard until you’ve actually move to Pattaya, remember?
Mitch S. said:
Sad but true!
A how-to guide for such behavior could be dangerous in the hands of bitter, drunken, impotent, slip-sliding-away Shittsville retirees.
Bangkokbois said:
Yeah, but their endless glass of gin will always prevent them from using that knowledge effectively. Baht Stop proves my point.
Steve said:
I think you’re missing a key technique. Get one of your troll personas to PM an innocent but gullible third party suggesting that another of your troll personas is actually the troll of … name an unpopular member. Light touch paper and stand back.
Bangkokbois said:
Good tip Steve!
Not being a regular poster on the boards I’ve never been involved in much PM action. Boo Hoo sent me a PM once asking why I called him a liar, but I didn’t respond ‘cuz I wasn’t gonna narrow it down for him. And a member who shall remain unnamed once sent me a long list of PM’s he’d received from Beachlover – which were good for a laugh – and then had a few other posters send me their messages from The Beach too . . . I should post all of those some day – they are filled with irony and unintentional humor. So I never really considered the power of the PM in a troll’s arsenal before . . . now I’m off to send a few.
ChristianPFC said:
Brilliant! Shed a few tears laughing.
but the scient of a cheese danish
but the scent?
Bangkokbois said:
Thanks Christian, and thanks for the typo catch – I had to look scient up since my spell checker liked the word. Nice. Cool word. Whodathunk sucking at spelling could have such a positive impact on your vocabulary? Maybe I need to cut Timmberty/Britthai/Bert&Ernie some slack – it’s possible his mangled use of the English language is just a continuing quest for knowledge.
tim said:
or else you could spend all day searching for cock,
Bangkokbois said:
Damn. It sucks when the wit well runs dry, huh?
Or did you just forget that you already posted that enthralling comment yesterday?
tim said:
or else you could just spend your days searching for cock on the internet
Bangkokbois said:
Ah! Got it! Typing out the word ‘cock’ qualifies as having sex for you these days.
Glad the comment section of my blog is able to lend your hand a helping hand Timmy.
Bangkokbois said:
BTW, I am sooooo disappointed that no one used the access to my handle on SGT – though Timmy/Berty/Bert& Ernie/Brit Thai etc., etc., etc., kinda let the cat out of the bag on that one, proving he does have at least one talent (sucking the life out of any party). Too late, y’all missed your chance. But when I’m in the mood again I’ll post the password to the identity I use on GB’s board . . .
Mitch S. said:
You’ll get the iron fisting of your life if you dare to reveal your Gaybutt identity! By the way, I think you’re that poster who complains about drink prices being higher than at 7-11, the loud music, and the alarming increase of the average age of the Sunnee talent. Confess to me. It will do your soul good for a change.
I posted using your SGT ID, but it was quickly deleted for some unexplained reason. Go figure! Asswipes can’t take a joke very well. A couple of posters mentioned my post in another topic about your clever cartoons.
Bangkokbois said:
Awww, damn. I’d have liked to have seen your efforts. But Timmy evidently did, and guessed you were Scottish-Guy. Take that as you will.
tim said:
now you really are getting sad .. time to move on .. bye bye.
tim said:
just so every knows ive not gone wet ..
the pm i sent to your inbox while mitch was using your account was opened while he was using it .. so he would have known who i thought it was i.e. scotty .. yet you are telling him who i thought it was .. even though he read it, not you .. you now have as much credability in my eyes as beachlover … total waste of space and time ..
proves it was scotty to i guess .. dont worry i’ll shut the door on the way out.
Bangkokbois said:
Buh Bye!
Bucknaway said:
Just for the record, I did work as an admissions tech at a mental facility for 4 years!
If I didn’t know better, I would say that you have some kind of light and should be working as a psychic on a toll free line! LOL
Bangkokbois said:
LMAO!
Now it all makes sense!
Bucky, I’ll bet your ex-employer never provided a written warning against picking up the behavioral habits of the interned . . .this is America – you’ve got some litigation that has legs Baby! Even as a nuisance lawsuit that’s worth $50K at least. Just think: no more shopping at TJMaxx – you’ll be ready for the big time at Barneys Warehouse Sale!
(And please don’t forget to send my 10% for coming up with the idea – though I’ll settle for a nice cashmer sweater from Barneey’s sale in any color other than one you’d normally wear . . . I mean an orange pair of overalls, really?)
tim said:
maybe you are just not the draw you thought ?
perhaps paying a rent boy to love you inst as exciting to others as it is to you ? darn what a bitch life can be
p.s. im sure beachy will be impressed you have started to copy him .. now thats sad !!!
Bangkokbois said:
Ya know Timmy, there are many other men in the world who too have a small penis and they still manage to get through life without being such a miserable, but ineffective bastard.
. . . now where is that damn Ignore button on this blog????
tim said:
now thats a scotty reply .. youre really him !!!
Mitch S. said:
Uh, I’m sober, so I’m having trouble following some of the above comments. Yes, in addition posting a topic with your SGT ID, I also PM’d Beachie and confessed your true love for his avatar, his prodigious posting, and admitted to being so jealous about his two boyfriends, the private jet, etc.
Rush, if you reply that my comments here resemble those of Scottish Jerk, then I will vow to never post anywhere on the Internet again. Well, maybe I’ll join GT after waiting about a day.
Bangkokbois said:
I doubt if Timmy could makes sense of any of that when sober himself. If I got it right, first you were the Scotsman, then I was, then I was you, or you were me . . . don’t worry about it. Suffice to say when you stare into the hydra, the hydra stares back into you.
As for the Beachball PM – You Bastard!
🙂
Smooth move – I didn’t see that one coming and it undoubtedly confused the hell out of the Beach. But if I hear back from him asking me out on a date, then GT is definitely in your future!
tim said:
watch the worm wiggle ..
Bangkokbois said:
Huh.
Which part of Buh Bye did you not get?
Tobi said:
OK, how am I doing? http://d.pr/14a2K Tobi. x
Bangkokbois said:
Using Beachie’s avatar got you major points.