Eye Candy: Anonymously Cute

10 Friday Oct 2014

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I have tons of photos that I’ve saved off the internet on my hard drive. My excuse is that at some point each will be the perfect choice to accompany some post that I publish. And a lot of them do end up appearing on my blog. Others, not so much. It’s not that they are not all outstanding in their own right, or at least caught my eye and were worthy of a quick right click, but editorially some just never seem to fit with any article I’m writing, and some probably never will. Unless I use them as an excuse for an article. Like today.

Usually my Eye Candy posts feature some hottie I just discovered. And that usually means I also have his name and at least some details to accompany the photos I include. Today’s post instead is a random selection of photos of guys I’d love to do, guys who I haven’t a clue who they are. It’s my Eye Candy version of anonymous sex. Without the penis. ‘Cuz I can always find an excuse to post a photo of penis.

Finding photos of cute guys on the internet isn’t much of a challenge. Finding photos that I’ve saved of cute guys whose photo would never otherwise make it on to one of my blog posts was. I should have a file folder dedicated to those photos, but I’m not that organized. Even a Guys With Penis folder and a Guys Without Penis one would have helped, but then technically every guy has a penis and I’d feel guilty about filing someone’s photo in a folder for penis-less men just because they didn’t show theirs.

I’d like to say that I think every guy (okay, just the cute ones) whose picture makes it to the internet should show his penis, but there are pros and cons to doing so. Just like on Grindr. Some really cute guys suffer from Ugly Penis Syndrome. And as superficial as that may make me sound – ‘cuz I am – a cute guy with an ugly penis I pass on. Because I know I’m gonna spend more face to face time with his penis than I am with his face. Not that that means I’m gonna hook up with an ugly guy with a beautiful penis either, mind you. So sometimes you are better off being surprised. Even if it isn’t a pleasant one. My personal theory, however, is that all cute guys have cute butts. And in the end, that’s all that really matters.

Friends claim that they know what my taste in men is. Which is why I stopped allowing any of them to hook me up on a blind date decades ago. Invariably those guys were always more about what my friends though would be the perfect guy for me than what my penis considered a doable dude. I do have a preference in the type of guys I date, but it’s fairly broad. Younger. Not a twink. Not blonde. Nonetheless, guess how many older, or twinky, or blonde guys I’ve ended up sharing an uncomfortable dinner with thanks to friends with good intentions. Huh. Or maybe I just need to start treating my friends a bit nicer.

As random of a sampling as these photos of cute guys (sans penis) is, and as broad as my taste in men according to my claim may be, it was only after I’d picked out a dozen or so shots that I realized that in addition to being younger, not a twink, and not blonde, they all share a few similarities. The one that surprised me was bushy eyebrows. Maybe the next time someone wants to set me up on a date and asks what type of guys I like I need to just tell them that. But then again I don’t know that sitting through a meal with a Leonid Brezhnev look-a-like would be any better than the disastrous blind dates I’ve had in the past.