Eye Candy: One Love

09 Wednesday Jul 2014

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When you think of naked male athletes, tennis players don’t immediately spring to mind. But that’s more about not considering tennis players to be athletes than about the nudity.

Catching up on world events after a long weekend away, I just discovered the Brits threw a major celebration of their own in honor of the 4th of July. Held in a small residential area of Greater London called Wimbledon – I’m not big on English history but assume that was where King George III conceded defeat and declared America as an independent nation. – this year’s American Independence party evidently was also some sort of gay pride event with a majority of the ladies in attendance showing their support by wearing hats that one would not normally see other than being worn by the girls on RuPaul’s Drag Race. Figures. Now that the LGB community has won equality it’s all about the Ts.

Italy’s Fabio Fognini didn’t do all that well at Wimbledon this year, but did score a win with his nude photo shoot for Cosmo.

Of course in the U.S. we celebrate that victory by drinking copious amounts of beer, pigging out on artery-clogging fried foods, and shooting off illegal fireworks in an attempt to burn down the country our forefathers fought so hard to win. The Brits are a bit more refined in how they celebrate the birth of the world’s only superpower, and spent the weekend watching a tiny yellow ball sail from one end of a court to another. Don’t let anyone tell you Queen Elizabeth ain’t a party animal. Besides, it’s not like the country has much to root for at the World Cup this year anyway. But that’s what you get with over 200 years of experience in conceding defeat.

ESPN’s annual Body Issue was too late for including nude Olympians this year so they went with the less athletically inclined, like Tomas Berdych.

You’d think the Brits would go with something a bit more local for a major sporting event, but the only other sport as boring as watching tennis is watching golf and the Scots are a bit uppity these days about independence themselves (though unlike the Americans they seem to think the surest path to victory is to whine a lot). Personally, what with that kilt thingy they’re so fond of, I think they’d do better attaching their cause to the trannies’ rising star. Promising to elect Laverne Cox as their first Prime Minister would go a lot further than rehashing centuries old disputes or acting like they actually have a right to the oil England pumps out of the North Sea.

I didn’t realize they had a heavyweight division in tennis, but France’s Jo-Wilfried Tsonga choking up on his racket proves otherwise.

I’d probably be more into the hotties of the tennis world but back in my pre-puberty days I had a major crush on Billie Jean King. Until I found out he was a woman. Once bitten, twice shy, ya know? That bit of nascent phobia could have been overcome ‘cuz I thought Pete Sampras was kinda hot too. And then I saw a shirtless shot of the Greek, and seriously, who thinks Alex Baldwin is actually sexy? I know that there are fans who think many of the top ranked boys of the court are hot, but Rick Day has yet to include a tennis hottie in his Players books and if there is anyone who is an expert on prime athlete beefcake it’s Rick Day. Maybe it has something to do with the size of their balls.

Tommy Robredo is certainly doable, but then what Spanish man isn’t?

Considering how lesbianified the world of tennis is, you’d think there’d be an openly gay male player in the professionals ranks too. But the closeted ones seem to think Martina Navratilova represents them just fine. Sure there were rumors about Bill Tilden and Jim Courier, not to mention that naked hot tub incident Australian Bernard Tomic and his buddy were involved in, but the tennis world remains closeted almost as much as the world of male figure skating. Or at least it will until the payers are allowed to wear sequins on their outfits. And while the press in France openly questioned if Richard Gasquet plays for both sides of the net, the fact is even those racket stars who are known within the sport to prefer to play doubles with dudes remain closeted.

And Feliciano Lopez shows why he’s a crack tennis player too.

One the plus side, the boys of the court don’t seem to mind taking it off to please their gay male fans. And while I’ve already published a naked male flesh post to honor the 4th of July, it’s only fair that I do so again to honor the Brit’s celebration of our holiday too. And maybe by this time next year someone will confirm that photo of Novak Djokovic’s cock floating around the internet is really his. ‘Cuz then we’d really have something to celebrate.

Fernando Verdasco might have done better at Wimbledon this year if he wore this outfit.

American John Isner defeated some Brit during the first round match at Wimbledon this year, not unlike how the Americans defeated the British some 237 years ago.