I was gonna do an entire snark filled post about the final episode of True Blood Season 6, which aired last night, but just couldn’t work up enough interest in it to be bothered. Whoever it is that is responsible for where the series has been going of late needs to have a wood stake driven through his heart. ‘Cuz that’s the traditional way of freeing yourself of the vampire in your life and True Blood has turned into the walking dead over the last two seasons. With several new hot male bodies to strip down to nakedness, this season held great promise. But instead it turns out you can count on the word of the show’s producers about as much as the promises of a farang to a Thai bar boy.

Preseason hype promised lots and lots of male nudity. It’s why everyone watches the show. But all of a sudden ‘male nudity’ on HBO only means shirtlessness. And as for the Oh No! A Major Character Is Gonna Die For Real hype, it turned out to be Terry. Who? Sorry, but Arlene’s last husband was killed off too and we didn’t care then either. Except at least that was an actor we wanted to see naked. Last season when they killed off Christopher Meloni’s character before he got to show his star qualities on HBO yet again was much more of a traumatic finish.

Fortunately we did get to see a little Rob Kazinsky ass before he too got killed off. And fortunately Luke Grimes’ character hasn’t been killed off yet so maybe we’ll get to see his next season. Though summer hiatus can be deadly to bit players. ‘Cuz that’s when the writers think up the stupid shit they pass off as a plot for the show when everyone knows the right way to write an episode is to start with: Alcide walks across the room totally naked in all of his werewolf glory . . .” Instead, for the final episode they gave him a hair cut. And not where he really needed some trimming.

I think the powers that be behind the show too realize they’ve really screwed the pooch and needed to get back to what made the show so popular in the first place (that’d be the aforementioned male nudity). The shows ratings are way down and it is seldom the talk of the water cooler on Monday mornings any longer. So while desperation is never a pretty sight, the producers came up with a Hail Mary attempt to finish off the season last night, hoping that the suggested promise of more will entice television viewers to tune back in next season: after six seasons of hearing about Alexander Skarsgard’s Mighty Viking we finally got to see what a Norse god looks like.

You have to give Skarsgard credit for giving it his all to try and save the show. Not to mention his career since his break-out leading role in last summer’s not-a-blockbuster Battleship which guaranteed to catapult him to stardom didn’t. In his penis’ role as Eric’s penis, the two are busy working on their suntan when GASP! as the fair of skin and vampires both tend to do, he starts getting a bit of a sunburn. Which quickly starts turning the pair into Eric The Red. And in response his penis takes its starring role.

I’m not sure why the producers thought this scene needed to be set in the snow, but as we all know our best buddies are not big fans of the cold and tend to head toward warmer climes when it’s freezing outside. So The Mighty Viking looks a bit more like an extra in The Wizard of Oz than expected. Though it does look like Skarsgard could teach Alcide a thing or two about manscaping. Or at least about showing his Big Dick Richie on film. But then since they are filming a sequel to Magic Mike, we may not have to tune into next season’s True Blood for that happy ending.

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