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16 Tuesday Jul 2013
Posted It's A Gay World, Tighty Whitey Tuesday
in≈ Comments Off on Tighty Whitey Tuesday #81
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15 Monday Jul 2013
Posted Thailand Travel Tips and Tales, Tips
inNut, the Burmese muscle hunk bar boy from Tawan spoke close to no English when I first met him. Still a recent transplant from his home country, he had a well-developed body back then but not so massive that anyone would consider him a muscle god. With diligent work, within three years both his English and his muscles improved greatly. So do his financial situation. What never changed was his sweet disposition, his ready sense of humor, and his enjoyment of life no matter what it threw his way.
Over the course of his employment at Tawan, I offed him more than any other guy who has worked there. But our friendship developed beyond that paradigm; we often got together during his free time just to hang out. When sex wasn’t on the menu there was no money involved. And toward the end of our friendship (he has since returned to Burma to live) when we’d go out to dinner or a movie he would pay for our evening’s entertainment just as often as I would. Which has little to do with this post. It just seemed like a good time to reiterate that you can form real friendships with bar boys, that it is not always just about the money. What Nut does have to do with this post is that we spent hours talking the first time I offed him. Which was quite a feat considering he knew less than 100 English words at that time.
Nut, however, was a natural pantomime. If you could make a career out of playing Charades, he’d have been a millionaire. Included among the stories he wove that night was his tale of trying to make a living selling those little fresh flower garlands that you see all over Thailand. He awoke early each morning, bought flowers from the local market, and then built the garlands to sell on the streets of Bangkok. Perhaps it was from my living in Hawaii and my familiarity with making leis, but as soon as he began pantomiming stringing the flower buds I immediately knew what he was talking about – otherwise I’d have guessed he was trying to tell me about darning socks. His profit on each garland was 6 baht. And his work day ended by 10a.m. – for a few hours before that he’d brave Bangkok’s traffic on foot, weaving his way down the congested rows of cars while competing for a sale with those selling bagged breakfasts and lunches. Street vendors, who actually sell off the street, are a common sight in the city if you get up early enough. It’s the Thai version of a drive-through, except you do not have to deviate from the roadway. Not that Bangkok’s traffic would allow for that anyway.
Nut’s part of this post ends with the note that he continued his floral offering vending career for several years while working the bar at night. Which also has nothing to do with this post. But I frequently read on the message boards that bar boys work at the clubs because it’s easy money and they are too lazy to get a real job. That’s an easy claim to make when you don’t have a clue about what you are talking about; it’s an inaccurate but convenient conclusion to arrive at when your life experiences don’t allow for the degree of poverty many of these guys are trying to climb out of. And even though I haven’t seen Nut for several years now, whenever I see a garland of jasmine flowers hanging off a taxi driver’s rearview mirror I think of him, of the hours he spent each day eking out a living, and of the 6 baht profit he considered himself blessed to be making.
Which means he crosses my mind quit often when I’m in Bangkok ‘cuz you see those little floral offerings everywhere. They are cheap, smell wonderful, and just scream Thailand. Some tourist buy them as a souvenir or to hang back in their hotel room as an air freshener. I’d heard that was a major no-no. Someone had told me they were supposed to be used as an offering at wats, a form of merit making for honoring Buddha. And you do see them at temples. But not nearly as often as you do in taxis. Or hanging in shops and stalls. So I thought I’d do a bit of research, a stab at being a myth buster on my own, and find out the true story – and purpose – of what is a common sight in Bangkok. Not surprising, that was easier said than done.
I often turn to my friend Noom when I have questions about Thai culture. And he always has an answer. Even if it means making it up on the spot. Being vague works too. So, “It smell good” while technically correct wasn’t quit the degree of detail I was looking for. But then again he was right, they do smell good, and their fragrance is partially why they are so popular in Thailand. Not that that is the end of the story. In a country where the color of the t-shirt you are wearing on any given day is rife with symbolism, you’d have to expect the intricately designed flower garlands too have a meaning of their own. It just depends on who is giving them, receiving them, or purchasing them.
Known as phuang malai the ubiquitous flower garlands of Thailand are primarily made of fragrant jasmine blossoms, but are often decorated with other colorful flowers too. They are used to pay homage to Buddha as well as any other god that strikes your fancy, serve as a form of merit making, are a symbol of welcome, either bring good luck or ward off bad luck, and yes, are often hung in front of windows as a natural air-freshener. Those you see hanging off the rearview mirror of a taxi or tuk tuk are believed to protect the vehicle and its passengers from harm, or as one pundit put it “they are a sort of the Thai equivalent of carrying a Saint Christopher medallion.”
Like the lei in Hawaii, phuang malai are often given to guests as a welcoming gift. And as with the word Aloha in Hawaii which can mean both hello and good-bye, phuang malai are also given to say farewell to friends and relatives, with the cross-over intention of wishing the recipient a safe journey (though unlike with their use by taxi drivers, you are supposed to use the phuang malai as a form of merit making at your local temple to ensure your travellers are free of danger and harm). And while it is perfectly acceptable to purchase a phuang malai to use as an air freshener, if your intention is to use it as an offering at a wat you are not supposed to stop and smell the flowers – an offering of a floral tribute to Buddha must be a total gift, sneaking a sniff or two for yourself first is considered a selfish act and lessens the meaning behind the tribute. But if you were Thai, you’d know that.
There are several different shapes of phuang malai, and the types and number of different flowers used in their construction is almost limitless. Some are circular and look like a bracelet (and yes you can wear them as such though if you are trying to convince your boy du jour you are a manly man this might not be the best idea). Others have ‘tails’ of flowers or ribbons – the elongated style you often see on the prow of long tail boats are called uba; the shorter ones with a full tassel of blossoms are malai piya. Generally, there seems to be no rhyme or reason for using one style over another, other than that the most intricate and complex designs are used to honor people of higher status. (Regardless of the shape or design, however, phuang malai given to monks or used to make merit at an image of the Buddha are supposed to only use an odd number of flowers.)
There is also no strict protocol regarding the types of flowers used, though any Thai knows the proper choice in blossom for any given reason. The most common phuang malai are made of white jasmine flowers and when used by themselves are a symbol of purity making these a popular choice for merit making at temples. Yellow Chrysanthemums, however, are a better choice for use at shrines such as the Erawan where the god in question is of Hindu extraction. And the popularity of phuang malai with a pink rose bud or two is in honor of the King, since that is supposedly his favorite flower.
Of course regardless if your intention is merit making, garnering some good luck, getting your favorite god or goddess to intervene on your behalf, or to keep bad luck from grasping you in its claws, showing how serious you are about your devotion matters. A 20 baht jasmine phuang malai is all good and well, but drop 100 baht or more on a more intricately designed garland, or one made of pricier flowers and your chances just went up. And if your phuang malai is meant to pay homage to the King, a seven-colored garland is the only way to go
There are also specific occasions when phuang malai are given as gifts, and which type or at least color of flower used in their creation then matters. For example Mother’s Day is a popular phuang malai giving occasion; you are supposed to give white garlands to your mother and other female family members older than you as a sign of respect. Or you can dis your girlfriend or wife by giving her one – on Mother’s Day, phuang malai are expected to be given to the ladies only by people much younger than they are, giving one to someone of your age bracket is the same as calling her old.
Taxis, boats, temples, and shrines are all popular places to hang phuang malai. They are also a common sight on spirit houses where their fragrance is used to please the spirits. You’ll also see them used as a symbol of honor hanging from pictures of the recently departed as well as at the grave markers in local cemeteries. I’m not sure why, other than it was both noticeable and unexpected, but I saw many phuang malai hung on the iron grated doors of stalls that had not yet opened at the Weekend Market on one early morning visit. I’m sure those were meant as a good luck charm; that boarded up shop after boarded up shop had one hanging on its door with no one pilfering them tells you the importance of their symbolism among locals. I guess ripping off someone else’s phuang malai isn’t good for your karma. No matter how good it smells.
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15 Monday Jul 2013
Posted It's A Gay World, Monday Muscle
in≈ Comments Off on Monday Muscle #81
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14 Sunday Jul 2013
Posted It's A Gay World, Stay In Bed Sundays
in≈ Comments Off on Stay In Bed Sunday #80
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13 Saturday Jul 2013
Posted End of the Week, It's A Gay World
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While I am not a fan of tourist traps like Safari World on the outskirts of Bangkok, I have to admit the idea of orangutans facing off in a kickboxing fight has a certain appeal. Kinda like watching two octogenarians in Sunee Plaza fight over the boy they both want to off. Aljazeera has a great monkey Muay Thai video, though you’ll have to ignore their indignation over the sport. Just like you would when visiting Safari World.
Everyone loves a man in uniform, or at least a man in uniform taking his uniform off, but is this really Thailand’s sexiest security guard?
In case you missed it, ESPN’s annual Body Issue featuring popular athletes in the buff came out this week. (You’ll have to click through past the fish.) And all of a sudden the Niners look like a team I could get behind.
Olympic Gold Medallist diver Matthew Mitcham didn’t get selected as one of ESPN’s featured naked jocks, but did raise a grand by auctioning off his dirty underwear.
Travel & Leisure Magazine’s readers have voted Bangkok as #1 of The World’s Best Cities for 2013. Huh. And Pattaya didn’t make the list. Imagine that.
It doesn’t matter how well you get along with your parents in China. A new law requires that you visit them frequently and pay for their upkeep. Couldn’t they just use old folks homes like we do in the U.S.?
Remember that Life Cereal commercial “Give it to Mikey, he’ll eat anything’? Well, the Chinese will eat anything too. Including Mikey. And anything else that ever breathed, or even looked like it once moved. Including the popular 1,000 year egg, a common delicacy. But there’s something rotten in the state of Beijing, and those puppies are now toxic. As though they weren’t before. But then adding eggs to your folks’ diet could alleviate that new burden on your budget.
When it comes to your transportation options for ending it all there is no need to fly off to Bangkok to suffer Death By Taxi. Whipping it out in a subway tunnel in New York will do the trick just as nicely.
Considering that the average Pattaya visitor/sexpat is a bottomless stomach of want, you’d think local food vendors would know better than to make the fatal error of skimping on condiments.
Who knew the shape of the world was so heavily influenced by gay lovers throughout history? Love, Historically, is a slideshow featuring the artwork of Ryan Grant that puts a gay slant on history. Thanks to the movie 300, I knew how gay things were in ancient Sparta, but didn’t know there was someone credited with ‘bringing’ homosexuality to Japan.
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13 Saturday Jul 2013
Posted Dancing With the Devil, Eye Candy
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Thai guys are hot. And I can certainly understand why so many men restrict their diet to rice – Asian men just have an appeal that is hard to ignore. If I had to choose just one race of guys to play with, my vote would go to the boys of Asia too. But fortunately I don’t. I occasionally sneak in eye candy shots of Latino men on this blog, on the even more rare occasion a white guy or two. Black guys not so much. I’m not sure why. When I’m looking at a guy like this, like Stephen Colbert, I don’t see race. I see a gorgeous hunk with a body I’d kill to spend a few days playing with. So I’m upping my ethnic ratio with this post today. Just because.
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12 Friday Jul 2013
Posted Travel Commentary
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Like many frequent flyers and San Francisco bay area residents, last Saturday’s tragic crash of Asiana Flight 214 touched home; I was one of the thousands stuck in the backlog of traffic on U.S. 101 when the San Francisco Airport was closed to incoming and departing traffic after the crash. Faced with such a horror, it is human nature to wonder how a tragedy like this can be prevented in the future. But the sad fact is that most large international airports in the U.S. are situated closely to major highways and the unfortunate loss of vehicular mobility when a plane falls out of the sky is unavoidable.
There is little we can do to prevent this type of horror from happening again, but perhaps there are lessons to be learned from the airliner’s crash instead. Since as a passenger your role is to simply board, strap in, be equally bored and abused for the duration of the flight, and then disembark, you wouldn’t think you’d need to be a rocket scientists to be part of the cattle call known as modern day air travel. But those whose profession as a talking head requires their lips to move regardless of the lack of accompanying brain activity say differently. How you can improve your chances of surviving a airplane crash has become the favorite topic of side-bar featured analysts this week when the nation’s media should have instead been focused on the payback we’ll all vicariously receive when the jury in the Trayvon Martin murder trial hands that officious little prick security guard / policeman wannabe his head on a platter.
Unfortunately that means instead of learning tips for being the sole survivor of a plane crash instead we’ve been given worthless advice such as never wear flip flops on a plane ‘cuz they “are the wrong attire for evacuation slides.” “Count the rows to the nearest exit, since you may need to find it under dark or smoky conditions,” on the other hand, isn’t bad advice. Though personally I think counting the old people between you and the nearest exit who’ll be easy to climb over is an even surer path to safety. With that in mind, here are some considerations on surviving a plane crash thanks to the lessons learned from Flight 214’s rough landing:
The Odds Are With You Even If The Force Is Not. The two teenage girls who arrived at their final destination on Flight 214 were the first two deaths on a scheduled commercial flight in the United States this year. In fact they set the record for the last 4½ years. During that period, more than 3 billion passengers flew with no fatalities in the United States or on U.S. airlines. At that risk per flight, a traveler could on average fly once a day for 4 million years before succumbing to a fatal crash. An American teenager is far more likely to grow up to be president or win the Nobel Prize in physics than he is to perish on a flight today. Think about that: as difficult as it is to believe, a U.S. teenager will actually win the Nobel Prize in physics some day.
Unless Lightening Strikes Twice. As a passenger there’s not much you can personally do to increase the odds that your plane will get you to your intended destination in one piece. But that doesn’t mean you should ignore the few things that you do have control over. You probably play the lottery, and probably have your favorite lucky numbers. But do you ever consider the lucky or unlucky numbers of your flight? No. You don’t. Or at least 307 passengers last week didn’t. Flight 214 doesn’t have a good record for staying aloft. In 1963 Pan Am’s version crashed near crashed near Elkton, Maryland, killing all 81 on board. After being hit by lightning. Just sayin.
We All Have Baggage. Unless he had jars filled with summer kimchi packed in his carry-on, the actions of Flight 214’s passenger Xu Da, who said he first grabbed his luggage, then scooped up his young child and fled the burning plane with his wife is perplexing. The instinct of many of the passengers to find their luggage before their children and fleeing for their lives has baffled airline safety experts, none of whom, obviously, have children. Amateur video shot of the aftermath of Saturday’s crash show some passengers wheeling their heavy luggage away from the plane just moments before it catches fire. You have to wonder just how attached some people are to their knock-off Gucci luggage.
This strange phenomenon just proves that Darwin had it right. Not that his theory can’t occasionally use an assist. As can your fellow passengers during your flight to safety. Feel free to offer your help to those fools in front of you struggling with their baggage. Then once in your control, toss their bags toward the back of the plane. This should clear your path to the nearest exit nicely. And if you accidently mistake a child for a piece of luggage, evidently your error will be of little concern to its parents. Though you may still have to toss a few of their bags away to get them to move.
Location, Location, Location. According to research commissioned by the Civil Aviation Authority (CAA) and carried out by Greenwich University in London that studied 105 airliner accidents, passengers sitting in the aisle seats near the front of an airliner and within five rows of the emergency exit are the most likely to survive a crash. Which makes sense ‘cuz those who could only afford to travel in steerage are basically nothing more than ballast anyway.
Randy Reep, a Florida attorney and professional pilot who couldn’t snag a gig offering his useless input on the Trayvon Martin murder trial and had to settle for a role as a talking head for coverage of Flight 214’s crash instead, disagrees. He says the safest place to sit is in the back of the plane, citing the not-a-fact that all the weight and momentum in an airplane is being pushed forward when it hits a stop to back up his opinion. Reep says those in the front of the plane during a crash become, basically, pancakes.
I can’t tell you whether Reep or the CAA is right, but can tell you that I am getting sick and tired of the class warfare being incited by the 99% and it has to come to a stop. I can also tell you that whether it is safer to sit in the back of the plan or not, by doing so you’d have a 93.8% greater chance of sitting next to someone like George Zimmerman. Or a Florida attorney who’s so crappy at his day job that he has to take part-time work providing inane commentary for CBS to use as filler between commercials.
Is Bigger Better? Even when it comes to aluminum tubes mocking the earth’s pull, size matters and bigger is better. Or at least more safe. Asiana Flight 214 was a Boeing 777, which holds between 314 and 451 passengers depending on how tightly an airline company packs them in. The 777’s record of fatal crashes is at 1. Ooops, make that 2. The 737, which can hold up to 215 passengers has experienced 72 fatal crashes, while the no longer in production but still in use 727 with a 189 passenger count has crashed with an accompanying body count 50 times.
Um, About Those Frequent Flyer Miles. Airlines like to boast about their on-time record, but seldom mention their Full Loss Equivalent (FLE) score, which computes their fatal event rate. In the U.S., American Airlines leads the pack with a score of 10.08 for its 13 not death defying mishaps. For the Pacific region, Taiwan’s China Airlines has a 6.44 FLE thanks to its 10 crashes, and Turkish Airlines holds the record in Europe with a 10 crash 7.56 FLE score.
Watching Survivor Could Mean You Are A Survivor. Just ‘cuz you walked away from a burning plane that made an unscheduled landing doesn’t mean your fun is all done. Juliane Koepcke, the 17-year-old sole survivor of Flight 508 that crashed and burned en route to Lima, Peru fell 10,000 feet strapped to her seat into the jungle below. 10 days later she managed to trek her way to civilization and eventual rescue.
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