Regardless of how your coming out is received, the act is a traumatic one, the decision to do so requiring an incredible amount of internal fortitude and bravery. CNN anchor Anderson Cooper did so this week, or at least he made his homosexuality official. Even though it was a forgone conclusion, his act of revealing himself to the world too took balls. But what if you had to do it not once, but twice? And then thanks to the reaction of your peers within your chosen industry, had to do it a third time?

I’m not knocking AC’s coming out efforts. Because I’ve already done so. But I do have to note that it must have been comforting for him to sit back and watch the reaction his fellow CNN anchor Don Lemmon’s coming out had. It reminded me of two young men standing on the edge of a potentially chilly lake with the older one goading his friend, “You go first.” It’s always nice to have someone test the waters for you.

R&B artist Frank Ocean came out (again) on the 4th of July. Not only did he not have another chart-topping R&B singer pave his way for him, but he works in an industry that embraces homophobia within its artform. Considering the two celebrity’s respective fan bases, Ocean’s announcement has the potential to effect opinion to a far greater degree. He deserves the gay community’s support for having come out, and for having to have done so twice.

Both Newsweek and Entertainment Weekly have recently done pieces on the new way celebrities are coming out. Rather than make some grand pronouncement carefully crafted by an agent many are taking a nonchalant approach instead. Ocean did so with the pre-release of his debut album, Channel Orange, using the male pronoun ‘him’ instead or ‘her’ on the songs ‘Bad Religion’ ‘Pink Matter” and ‘Forrest Gump’ . Too subtle for the hip hop community, instead of acknowledging the act industry commentators began circulating rumors of the singer’s homosexuality. Those that couldn’t stomach using gay went with bi-sexual instead.

Ocean responded by readdressing the issue in a more forthright manner on his Tumblr page, eloquently telling of his love affair with another man that began four years ago when Ocean was nineteen. It is a poignantly told tale of self-discovery and his journey to self-acceptance that is in stark contrast to Cooper’s statement, in which he never even mentioned the man he has been living with for quite some time now.

“4 summers ago, I met somebody, I was 19 years old; he was too,” Ocean writes. “ We spent that summer, and the summer after, together. Everyday almost. And on the days we were together, time would glide. Most of the day I’d see him and his smile. I’d hear his conversation and his silence until it was time to sleep. Sleep I would often share with him. By the time I realized I was in love, it was malignant. It was hopeless. It was no escaping, no negotiating with the feelings. No choice. It was my first love. It changed my life.”

“In the last year or 3 I’ve screamed at my creator,” he writes, acknowledging the difficulty he had in coming to terms with his sexuality and the pain of falling in love. “ I screamed at clouds in the sky. For some explanation. Mercy maybe. For peace of mind to rain like manna somehow.”

Ocean goes on to describe his realization of his sexuality as like being thrown from a plane, his affair with another man being “too much, too quickly.” He then relates how he told his friend of his feelings, and his friend’s reaction of not being able to admit to the same.

“He wouldn’t tell me the truth about his feelings for me for another three years,” he says. “I felt like I only imagined reciprocity for years. Now imagine being thrown from a cliff. No, I wasn’t on a cliff. I was still in my car telling myself it was gonna be fine and to take deep breaths. I took the breaths and carried on. I kept up a peculiar friendship with him because I couldn’t imagine keeping up my life without him. I struggled to master myself and my emotions. I wasn’t always successful.”

Ocean talks about the support he received from family and friends in coming out to them, and then thanks his unnamed lover. “To my first love, I’m grateful for you. Grateful that even though it wasn’t what I hoped for and even though it was never enough, it was. Some things never are…and we were. I won’t forget you. I won’t forget the summer. I’ll remember who I was when I met you. I’ll remember who you were and how we’ve both changed and stayed the same. I’ve never had more respect for life and living than I have right now.”

Anderson came out and the reaction was, “That’s news?” Ocean is experiencing a slightly different tale. While many news sites and blogs acknowledge his coming out, many that specialize in the hip hop world have gone with the bi-sexual label instead claiming the poetic language used in his coming out statement is “ambiguous, seeming to potentially suggest that he is bisexual.”

Bill Maher has been doing a recurring bit on his show called Dispatches from The Bubble which he uses to show Republicans live in a make-believe world that has little to do with reality. In doing so he often shows Democrats and liberal are equally as guilty of the bubble life, but being enveloped in one himself doesn’t realize that. Regardless, it’s nice to see there is a R&B bubble firmly at work too.

Many of us have travelled a similar path to Ocean’s. Raised in a heterosexual world, as we mature into our sexuality that is our point of reference, that is where we start. Our ‘first’ – even if that only means holding hands or a kiss – is often with a girl. At some point our attraction to men instead becomes evident. That doesn’t make us bisexuals. Ocean sums up this road of self-discovery beautifully:

“Back then, my mind would wander to the women I had been with, the ones I cared for and thought I was in love with. I reminisced about the sentimental songs I enjoyed when I was a teenager. The ones I played when I experienced a girlfriend for the first time. I realized they were written in a language I did not yet speak.”

It seems an industry that collectively can agree that It’s Hard Out There For A Pimp has a problem with accepting a openly gay man in its ranks and clutches to a brief mention of women in his coming out statement to bolster their claims of his bi-sexuality instead. Others touch on the G word, but note that Ocean’s love affair with a man was a singular experience, as though a young gay man wrapped up in a four year affair of the heart should have been out hittin’ male booty in order to establish his gay cred. It seems that Ocean may be in the unusual spot of having to come out publicly for a third time.

It is admirable that Ocean, a protege of Kanye West and a member of the hip hop collective Odd Future who was highlighted by MTV as one of the artists to watch for in 2012, has decided to come out at the beginning of his career, though that act should not be viewed as a cheap grab at publicity to jump start his claim to fame. Though Channel Orange is his debut album, he already has received critical acclaim for his inaugural mix-tape release, two singles from which achieved chart success. Ocean has also appeared at both Coachella and Lollapalooza and was signed as the opening act for Cold Play’s European tour for their July and August shows.

Ocean began his career as a ghost-writer for artists such as Justin Bieber, Bridget Kelly, and John Legend, as well as Beyonce, who included one of his tracks on her list of favorite songs of 2011. In mid 2010, he became a member of OFWGKTA, premiering on Domo Genesis’ track, SteamRoller, and was featured on Kanye & Jay-Z’s No Church In The Wild. His music, which focuses on interpersonal relationships, personal reflection and social commentary, has been described as setting him above the pack of hip hop artists and Jonah Weiner of Rolling Stone called Ocean a gifted avant-R&B smoothie.” The hip hop community is just having a problem with calling him gay.

Some, however, have no problem with calling a . . . . oh, wait I guess I shouldn’t use that one. Los Angeles Times music writer Gerrick D. Kennedy said, “Ocean’s coming out is nearly unprecedented in the R&B world,” calling it the glass ceiling moment for music and noting hip hop has long been in desperate need of a voice like Ocean’s to break the layers of homophobia.

And Ebony made a valid point in explaining why Frank Ocean’s Coming Out is More Significant than Anderson Cooper’s.

“Ocean is a rising star in hip-hop— where perceptions of Black masculinity are dominated by hyper-sexuality, thug swagger and a deep homophobia. Neither hip-hop nor R&B has ever boasted an openly gay or bisexual mainstream male star.”

“”Black audiences have been conditioned to understand Black gay men in only two ways: either on the “down low” or as the flamboyant queens on so-called ‘reality’ television,” cultural critic and hip-hop scholar Seth E. Davis told Ebony. Davis is an instructor at Syracuse University, and has researched Black identity and sexuality in popular culture. “Ocean tells the story of his first ‘love.’ Black people tend to focus on the sexual part of same-sex relationships. Now we’re talking about a relationship.””

Hopefully, Ocean will not just become ‘that gay singer’ and instead will gain even more fans thanks to his display of personal courage and honesty. And I’m waiting to pull up to a stop light next to a car full of young men, music blaring from open windows, to hear them singing along to Ocean’s Thinkin Bout You:

“My eyes don’t shed tears, but boy, they bawl when I’m thinkin’ ‘bout you.”

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