You may think the blurry vision, vomiting, diarrhea, weakness, slow heartbeat, low blood pressure, hallucinations, and disorientation you are experiencing are due to common causes associated with the Christmas holiday season. Like visiting relatives, boring company parties, and dealing with stupid, rude, and less than helpful store clerks. But that feeling of Uh, Uh, Oh may have less to do with how you’ve been celebrating the season and more to do with where you’ve been making your yuletide gay. And if you’ve been busy checking who is naughty and who is nice underneath a sprig of mistletoe, it may be that you are suffering from mistletoe poisoning.

According to the CDC, between 1985 and 1997 there were 1,754 cases of accidental poisoning by mistletoe reported. Fortunately, almost all of those cases involved children under the age of two, and pets. So be forewarned: keep your pet away from the mistletoe (and that will leave plenty of room for the little rug rats to discover the wonders of Christmas).

One of the more popular Christmas traditions is trading spit while standing under mistletoe. It’s one of those traditions no one seems to ever know anything about, yet everyone recognizes the opportunity to pucker up. You may have thought mistletoe was just an excuse to cram your tongue down a hot guy’s throat. But the holiday tradition of kissing under the mistletoe, like most Christian beliefs and practices, goes back to ancient times and pagan religious beliefs. You were, however, partially right. Mistletoe is about kissing, And more. Many ancient groups associated mistletoe with fertility and vivacity, and some considered it an aphrodisiac.

At least a few thousand years ago, the Celtic Druids were the first culture known to use mistletoe in religious ceremonies, though they did not kiss under it. They believed mistletoe, especially a rare species that grew on oak trees, to have sacred powers, and would collect it during the winter solstice. The Druids were most likely the first to use mistletoe to decorate houses around Christmas time, although their tradition had nothing to do with the Christian holiday (much like the current right wing nut cases’ Christmas celebrations have little to do with the teachings of Christ).

Mistletoe was also part of Norse pagan beliefs. The plant was sacred to Frigga, the goddess of love, but Loki, commonly known as the god of mischief, shot Frigga’s son with an arrow carved from mistletoe. Frigga revived her son under the mistletoe tree and decreed that anyone who stands under the mistletoe tree deserves not only protection from death, but also a kiss. Nordic beliefs also evidently were big on mother/son bonding and if those who claim being gay is due to nurturing and not nature are right, then there must have been lots of gay boys running about the frozen northern climes. In the Nordic world, an encounter with mistletoe could turn you gay.

The Greeks got into the mistletoe act too, using it as a symbol of fertility to decorate the wedding chamber of newlywed couples. Its association with love and sex also made it a headliner during the festival of Saturnalia, which was actually an ancient Roman festival in honor of the deity Saturn, originally held December 17 and later expanded with unofficial festivities through December 23. The holiday was celebrated with sacrifices, food, private gift-giving, continual partying, and a carnival atmosphere. Which pretty much sounds like Christmas today.

The modern day Christmas tradition of kissing under the mistletoe started, however, in merry old England in the 1800s. Originally hung along with holly from the altars of churches on Christmas Eve, the use of mistletoe was intended to spread good will, not to encourage church goers to kiss. That changed with the advent of the Victorian Kissing Ball. Made of mistletoe, brightly trimmed with evergreens, ribbons, and ornaments, at Christmas time maidens standing underneath one could not refuse to be kissed.

Lucky young women got their kiss, lucky young men (and presumingly old lecherous men, too) got to first base. If a girl refused a kiss, tradition ruled she shouldn’t expect any marriage proposals for at least the next year, and many people would snub their noses at her, remarking that she would most likely end up an old maid. Always nice to spread a little holiday cheer.

Even in Victorian times, sex sold, and the kissing ball craze took off. So much so that the church got involved and set rules of etiquette for mistletoe use. The religious right of the day agreed that any harlot standing under mistletoe was fair game, but decreed the kisser had to pluck a berry off the mistletoe and discard it with each kiss. When all the berries were gone, the kissing had to stop.

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