WordPress, the host of this blog, offers various daily stats: visitor counts, where visitors came from, how they found the blog, which posts they read while visiting, etc. One of the stats is a list of search words and phrases visitors used to find my blog. Some of those are specific to this blog (i.e., bangkokbois), others of a more general nature (gay Thailand), while others yet are quite specific in subject matter, searches that just happens to match a piece I’ve posted; ‘Channing Tatum gay’ for example, tops the list daily and tends to keep that post in the #1 spot on the Top Posts & Pages list.

There are always tons of search words, in various combinations, that people used that brought them to my blog that regularly include gay, nude, penis, and gogo boy. Go figure. For some reason ‘pussy’ evidently brings up my site frequently too, so I must have used the word several times in a post though that’s not really my type of post. Interesting how many of those visitors stay logged on and click through all the eye candy. But then I’ve always held that for straight guys, when pussy isn’t available, a penis will do.

Following the ‘garbage in, garbage out’ rule of thumb, badly worded searches result in taking you to pages that fail to provide what you were looking for. I feel bad when someone clicked over to my blog off of their search and didn’t find what they were looking for. Well, okay, actually I laugh, but that’s not quite as good of a lead in.

In any case, I thought I’d share with you some of the search phrases that have brought surfers to my blog in the past, and provide a few words so that next time they visit, they’ll at least get a bit of what they were looking for. Or not. BTW, I have not corrected spelling or punctuation in the following search phrases. I have a difficult enough time proofing my own.

“why do uncircumcised thais have red penis heads”

Well, actually, they don’t. Until you get them all hard and worked up. But a good question nonetheless. I had a local friend in Hawaii who used to call the other local guys purple heads. It all has to do with the color of the guy’s skin. So the lighter skin toned guys in Thailand have red heads, the dusky dark boys have purple heads. Unless you are not doing something right. If color matters to you, check out his nipples first, that should clue you in to what other colors he will turn. And who said edumacation isn’t fun?

“monks that pee on you”

Huh. Curious, or just a bit of  freak? Good luck on this search whether it is over the ‘net or in person. You’ll be hard pressed to find a monk, or any Thai, who gets off on peeing on you. Thai boys just don’t play that game.

“movies with alot of penis”

You need to learn how to conduct better searches. Google will correct your spelling, but won’t make up for your naivete. Next time just type in ‘gay porn’. A whole new world awaits.

“what happens search porn visiting thailand”

Uh, TAT will track you down and have you arrested; free porn on the internet does nothing for the Thai economy  Seriously, if you are in Thailand and looking for on-line porn when there are hundreds of guys just outside your hotel more than willing to make all your fantasies come true, you need to quit travelling with your computer.

“do the na’vi have penises”

Did you just do a search on ‘monks that pee on you’? I’m sure James Cameron will be thrilled that after all the hard work developing those characters, after hiring a linguist to invent a language for them, and after hiring a botanists to create their world, the burning question is if they have dick. But to answer your question I’m gonna go out on a limb here and say no. Except Sigourney Weaver. Ya know she’s hung like a horse.

“real gay penies look like”

Gay peni look a lot like straight peni. Only bigger.

“phuket thai ladyboys tricking straight guys”

Oh, right, gotchya, wink, wink. If you are really worried that some ladyboy is going to rape your ass because you didn’t know she was a he, have a few beers and then you’ll have an excuse when your buddies discover the two of you in bed together the next morning. Thai ladyboys don’t try and trick straight guys into bed, there are too many straight guys who want them to bother with the unsuspecting. Besides, their fabulousness should be a tip off enough; real women don’t look that good.

“what to do when you take home a thai muscle boy”

Actually I think I’ve covered this in other posts. A few times. But maybe you should have an idea of what you want to do before you get him home. After that, it’s just a question of money. Unless you want him to dress up like a monk and pee on you.

“how long is joe manganiello penis”

Really? You expected to find exact measurements on the internet? You size queens piss me off. Just look at Joe. With that body, who cares how big his dick is? (But if you do find out, please drop me an email,)

“penis slipped”

Don’t ya hate when that happens? So what was the problem, it slipped in or slipped out? If the latter, I suggest learning a bit of muscle control. Or find a bigger dick. If the former and it bothered you, maybe you shouldn’t lay around with your ass in the air.

“amazing tricks with their genitalia in bagkok”

Yup. Now you know why they call it Amazing Thailand.

“gay penises down the road”

No shit? Sounds to me like you need to get away from your keyboard and take a quick walk down the street.

“big duck gay porn”

Uh, that’s swans that have gay sex, not ducks. And neither is into exhibitionism, so you probably won’t find the porn you are looking for. How about a little Na’vi penis instead?

“pig fat for penis massage”

Sure I could give you a sarcastic response on this one, but it shows up far too frequently. Am I missing something here? Or is this just one guy typing the same search phrase over and over?

“bum flashing monk dancing video dancing not explicit”

Well, at least you are not looking for one to pee on you. But let me get this straight: you want a video of a dancing monk’s ass, but one that is not too explicit? Because that would be wrong? Too much to handle? Or you’ve just seen too many of those close up shots in gay porn and don’t want another asshole winking at you? You fascinate me. Let me guess, another closeted Republican?

“bangkok central world worst currency echange”

What!? A non-sexual search phrase? Have you no idea what the internet is for? I’ve never exchanged money at Central World. Right across the street is the place with the best rates in town. I have at MBK though, when I run low on baht, and have noticed that all of the exchange counters on the ground floor offer the exact same rate. Not that Thais are into price-fixing or anything . . .

“tiny bulge asian”

1: If it is tiny, it is not a bulge. 2: You do not need to use the internet to seach for small Asian packages, step outside, they are all around you.

“my dick grew large because of the devil”

Oh baby, if that were true the world would be overrun with Satanists. Put away your bible, your dick grew large because you saw a picture of a naked guy. And there’s nothing devilish about that.

“wat pho testicle massage technique bangkok”

Again with the monks? I need to drop Chi Chi LaRue an email, there is evidently an entire subset he’s been missing out on. But for the record, while your body may feel like someone has twisted your nuts off after a massage at Wat Pho, they do not offer happy endings there. Try any of the other 2.4 million massage places in Bangkok instead. For the right price, they’ll probably agree to dress up like a monk.

“shameless mack”

Mack is greatly missed. People searching for his blog rank just behind those trying to find out if Channing Tatum is gay. Sorry, I miss him too but haven’t a clue to why his blog has disappeared. You can, however, read old posts by searching for his site on Google, then clicking on the ‘cached’ link by each entry.