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So you think the prostitute you’ve been paying to have sex with you is now your boyfriend? Could be. And if so, congrats. To both of you. There’s a good chance the two of you will have a long-lasting and intimate friendship based on love, affection, and mutual obligation. On the other hand, you may just be suffering from an eye disorder caused by your insistence on wearing those rose-colored glasses. So before you go stumbling blindly into a relationship that isn’t, here’s a simple test to determine if it’s lust or love. And it all has to do with color. Besides the aforementioned rose-colored spectacles.
Since they claim English is the universal language, to simplify matters I’m gonna go with green as the universal color of money. Yeah, I know, that may not be the color of your money even though you think you speak English, but that’s a bastardized version of the language. So we’re using the American dollar as the standard, just like American English is the standard language everyone understands. The other color in this test is blue. And I’m not talking about that little pill you are so fond of. In fact, if anything, it’s the opposite. Because in this case, blue and green are not complementing colors.
Love, lust, a boyfriend, a bank account . . . a rose may be a rose but if you want to know just where you place in the scheme of things, ask yourself this question: If I could never have sex with my ‘boyfriend’ again, would I still want to be with him, would I still support him financially, would I still be calling him my boyfriend? Yes, I know that’s a compound question. But then there’s a good chance you are compounding the problem by thinking you are in a relationship too.
There are, of course, many aspects that make up a relationship. And sex is but one of them. But if it is your primary focus, if it rates higher than companionship and affection, it probably means what you are in love with is the sex and not the guy. When avoiding a case of the blue balls matters more to you than continuing in your relationship, he’s not your boyfriend. He’s the guy you are fond of paying to have sex with you. And that realization should put your relationship in its proper perspective.
An even more difficult question – or maybe that’s a more difficult answer – is: If I suddenly became destitute and could no longer provide the financial support my ‘boyfriend’ has grown accustom to, would he still love me, still want to be with me, still answer my emails and phone calls? Because green is not the color of love. That financial support may be an integral part of your relationship. Taking care of him may be a large part of what you bring to your relationship. But as with the focus being on sex on your part, if money is what matters the most to him, you are not his boyfriend. You’re a customer. And possibly his career.
Money and sex both play a part in any relationship. In one between a farang and a Thai, they probably play an important part. More than likely, those two elements were instrumental in your initial attraction to each other. But a true relationship should transcend those desires. In a true relationship if either were removed, the relationship should still flourish. When a relationship can not hold up to the removal of one or both, your relationship is a business one. Based on the dynamics of the world’s oldest profession.
When his love for pockets full of green and your avoidance of blue balls syndrome are the overarching elements in your relationship, it is not necessarily a bad thing. As long as you recognize what the motivation in the two of you being together really is. The problems arise when you mistake that relationship for something more than it really is. And that is what all those tales of woe you read about from disgruntled farang share in common. The farang thought he was in a relationship not based on sex and money when without either there would have been no relationship in the first place.
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Ash Register said:
Agree. And I just keep going back to what I was like at say 21, 25 or 29 years of age. There was just no way I’d look or lust after a bloke twenty year older. It just doesn’t happen. But you realise that, set your boundaries, know your role and you can get yourself a really rewarding ‘relationship’. OK it’s not love or even anything you’ve ever done before but it’s great – it’s your connection to another world. It’s doing your bit for the balance and goodness of the universe!
Bangkokbois said:
Thanks Ash. And good point to – how many of us were looking to settle down for life in our 20s?
Alex said:
Great work! That’s some sound advice and also incredibly concise. 🙂
Bangkokbois said:
Now why do I think ‘concise’ was the operative word here?
🙂
cody said:
The “Acid Test” for relationships as you have described is more of a “Gold Standard”
but i think it is often unrealistic. Many conventional breeder marriages would not pass it.
I’m reminded of the number of minority marriages that failed during the
last USA economic recession when the males lost their jobs. For some, even a
relationship with life gets a thumbs down without “it”. Many marine squadrons
in Iraq had a private “no code blue” if “down there” was gone.
When your test requires a removal of money and sex– you are essentially saying
if i was not who i am, would we still be companions. if i was not gay, would
we still be together. if i was poor would we still be together. too hypothetical.
my personal self-assessment is the opposite of your “Acid Test”. Remove the
companionship, would the moneysex exchange still autonomously function?
if the relationship has added to the sexual expression so that this simple exchange
is inadequate by comparison, then maybe the thai and farang do have something more “up there” and “down there”.
Bangkokbois said:
Huh. Actually, I like that. Though I think both hypotheticals still end up in the same spot. Yours just puts more emphasis on the companionship aspect of a true relationship. Thank for that thought Cody!