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Monks Gone Wild! continues to be a Thai viewing favorite.

Monks Gone Wild! continues to be a Thai viewing favorite.

You’d think a Buddhist monk out for a hot night on Soi Cowboy would be smart enough to leave the saffron robes at home. But Thais, with a national mindset of their own when it comes to what goes viral on the internet, are all atwitter over a photo that appeared last week of a venerable monk getting a little touchy-feely with a woman’s boob. Monks, in case you didn’t know it, are not suppose to touch women. Period. (No pun intended.) And unlike the dictate against Catholic priests diddling little altar boys, in Buddhism they take that shit seriously.

The monk – and boob – in question are already under investigation by the National Office of Buddhism, a local version of the Spanish Inquisition, with said monk facing the possibility of being de-frocked. The irony of which is that’s what kinda got him in hot water in the first place. The boob involved is facing an even harsher sentence: the ire and pure snarkiness of the internet. While most commenting on the photo published by an anti-superstition website, Fuck Ghost, were content on calling the boob the little slut that it obviously is, there were also those who preferred the much more personal attack of noting the boob’s owner had turned to a monk for a bit of Buddhist magic to make her tatas bigger. ‘Cuz if there is one thing we know it’s that in the world of the internet there’s no room for something as silly as a little A cup.

Monks behaving badly is the Thai answer to the Kardashians. Seldom a month goes by that some Buddhist monk in Thailand doesn’t get caught acting like a horny co-ed on spring break. Not long ago The Good General’s people floated the idea of issuing wrist-bands to all tourists to help keep track of visitors who misbehave. Maybe a better idea would be to tag the country’s clergy to help keep track of what disgusting things they’re up to. But in this case, now that the internet has had its fun, the truth behind the story has come out. It’s not the fault of a monk gone wild. Instead, the blame can be placed on a ladyboy. Or at least a ladyboy wannabe.

Like all world problems, bad monk behavior can be traced to the violence in movies and television.

Like all world problems, bad monk behavior can be traced to the violence in movies and television.

The boob, which now has a name, Thanradaporn,(or, one has to assume Porn for short) says the monk did not technically violate any rules or taboos about touching women ‘cuz she’s still a he. “I’m still a man, and I haven’t had a sex-change operation or breast implants,” she told the press both to excuse the monk’s behavior and explain her tiny set of titties.

She went on to explain that the monk who won the booby prize is a famous mystic from Cambodia (which is almost as good as having someone from Burma to blame) and that her/his family had hired him, for a religious ceremony at their Bangkok home where he blessed the men by inscribing magical Buddhist symbols on their chests, but only worked his spells on the foreheads of the family’s women. Like a good monk would. Which goes to show you that even an ancient myopic monk in Thailand can tell the difference between a real woman and a ladyboy, even if farang sex tourists can’t.

Porn says he will file a police report to declare his innocence later this week. If he’s smart, he’ll use his newly found fame to start a Kickstarter campaign to fund his sex-change operation while he’s at it. ‘Cuz if Bruce Jenner can get his own reality TV show for becoming the lady he wants to be, Porn should at least get the boobs he so desperately needs.

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