When I heard about the penis park in South Korea I assumed they meant the athletes’ village at the 17th Asian Games. My bad. It turns out that as sexually repressed as the Korean people may be they actually have an entire public recreation area devoted to humongous penises. Which is amazing not only because of the people of The Land of the Morning Calm’s attitudes towards sex, but because Korean men are not exactly known for their humongous penises. Maybe the penis park was just a PR stunt that went horribly right.

More properly if not appropriately known as Haesindang Park, located not far from the Eupsang Dong River (giggle, giggle), Korea’s Penis Park is on the far east coast of South Korea in a ridiculously small town called Sinnam; it’s a dreadfully long 5 hour bus ride from Seoul to Samcheok, and then another 50 minutes on a local bus to reach Sinnam. Everyone seems to agree that catching the correct bus can be iffy and that you are better off asking for help at the ticket window, but that’s probably just so the local ticket agent can laugh at you when you ask how to get to the penis park. Five + hours on a bus may sound like a ridiculous amount of time to spend on public transportation, ‘cuz it is, but then you probably willing spend five times that amount of time to get to all the penis in Thailand, so it’s not just a matter of size. Besides, it’s not like you wanted to watch synchronized swimming anyway.

After a 5+ hour bus ride, your ass will undoubtedly be pretty sore, which should put you in just the right mood for all the penis that will soon surround you. And after you exit the men’s room, there are even more penis to behold. There are tall ones, short ones, colorful ones, and some damn close to real-life looking ones. There are penis totem poles, long stretches of penis lined up like telephone poles, a penis canon (with, of course, accompanying balls), and even the 12 signs of the Chinese zodiac rendered in granite, each encapsulated in a penis. At South Korea’s Haesindang Park, there is a penis for every taste.

But the park isn’t just all about penis. There is also a lighthouse (shaped like a penis), and comfortable benches to rest upon, if you don’t mind sitting on penises. And if all that penis gets to be too much for you, there’s a museum (filled with pottery, art and carvings of even more penises). Then you can head back outside and look at the historical statues of Korean men of yesteryear (holding their penis) or for animals lovers there is a row of three masturbating men, trousers around their ankles, their dogs happily barking at their feet. Photo ops, needless to say, abound. And if all that penis makes you thirsty, there are public water fountains at hand, with your choice of penis size to drink from. Yes, this is why international travel is so rewarding.

As an excuse for all the penis, legend has it that there once was a fisherman who left his woman on a rock in the sea while he worked. Lucky for him, a storm came along and she drowned before he could get back to her. That’s where the saying, ‘a fish in the hand is worth two in the sea’ comes from. Soon thereafter, fishing in the local waters dried up, and needing someone to blame the village pointed their collective finger at the dead woman. But then one day another fisherman took a pee into the ocean, and lo and behold all of a sudden he could catch fish again. Needing something to credit, the villagers pointed their collective finger at his dick, claiming the drowned woman’s ghost liked seeing penis. Even though it’s more likely she was into golden showers. But Koreans aren’t that kinky (at least not in public), they went with the penis idea instead, and built several large, wooden phallic shrines to keep the dead woman’s ghost happy so that their fishing efforts would bear fruit once again.

Now you’d think that since the miracle was all about penis, the spot that first flasher exposed himself from would be immortalized, but the locals instead used the rock the woman waited on while she drowned as the park’s focal point. It’s called Aebawi Rock. Which should, considering its importance to the legend, be one of the most photographed spots in the park. But instead even lesbians can’t resist taking a photo of themselves with penis. For once in their life.

As for the gay boys, if you weren’t sure if that hottie you’d been following through the forest of penis all day was or wasn’t, the first time he stops to pose with a penis will tell you what your gaydar couldn’t. Families posing for a photo, however, can be a bit disturbing. But your visit can be educational too, if you have not yet had the opportunity of encountering a Korean penis on your own, the phallic statues at Haesindang Park will clue you in on whether or not circumcision is the norm in Korea.

Erected on a hill overlooking the East Sea, Korea’s Penis Park is a beautiful setting and the perfect place for a day away from the Games. At least until the men’s diving competition begin. Then you’ll find lots of erect penis at the Munhak Park Tae-hwan Aquatics Center and won’t have to make the long trek out to Haesindang Park.

[‘The XVII Asiad’ are a series of posts about hot competitors and general articles about the 2014 17th Asian Games of interest to gay men. So, yeah, lots of hot male eye candy. Click the XVII Asiad’ graphic below for additional news, stories, and pictures.]