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Seven just became my lucky number.

So in The Netherlands they celebrate the Christmas season with racism, in Italy they pay homage to an old crone who is probably a child abductor, and in Mexico it’s a historical reference to today’s celebrated drug runners that makes the season bright. You may be thinking it’s not so much beginning to look a lot like Christmas, as it is beginning to look like Tim Burton’s smouldering dark recesses of yuletide, The Nightmare Before Christmas, is one of the few holiday tales suitable for children under the age of eight. But that’s because you haven’t yet heard about the satyr like cloven hoofed creature they use to scare naughty kids with in parts of Italy, Germany and Austria. Not to mention being celebrated with much gusto by drag queens in Michigan.

According to folklore in those corners of the world, the ying to Santa’s yang is Krampus. He’s Santa’s drinking buddy and the guy who does the dirty work that the jolly old elf isn’t man enough to do himself. No problemo when your holiday myth says Santa leaves a lump of coal in the naughty kids’ stockings. But when your seasonal tale calls for beatings and trucking the worst of the lot off in a basket for a fitting end in the nearest river, then it’s a case of Chris Cringel and the saintly poofter in red calls in his henchman instead. Because nothing says Merry Christmas like beating your kids into submission.

Known by many names across the European continent – Knecht Ruprecht, Certa, Perchten, Black Peter, Schmutzli, Pelznickel, and Klaubauf, Krampus is the original Grinch who stole Christmas. More Satan than Santa he is usually seen as a classic devil with horns, cloven hooves, and a monstrous tongue, but also appears as a sinister gentleman dressed in black, or a hairy man-beast. He’d fit right in in Pattaya and not even be noticed, but in the Alpine regions of Europe the old goat scares the beejesus outta the little ones. Forget the carrot of a stocking filled with toys for being nice, Krampus is all about the stick. Which he uses willingly. As he does his whip. Leave it to the Germans to put the SM back in Christmas.

Beat me, whip me, make me send out Christmas cards.

Beat me, whip me, make me send out Christmas cards.

Krampus has roots in pre-Christian Germanic traditions. The early Catholic Church tried to stamp him out, but the locals loved the little devil and paired him up with St. Nick for their Christian winter celebration. But his popularity outshines the saint and on the eve of the Feast of St. Nicholas (December 5th) the hairy devil appears on the streets and begins his annual treat of terrorizing the kiddies. Mentally abused for years by this holiday tradition, as young adults the once screaming children get payback, Krampus Night or Krampusnacht, is the local’s version of Spring Break. Revelers dress up like Krampus for a rambunctious night fueled by schnapps, the preferred drink of Krampuses the world over. If you’ve ever visited Rush Street in Chicago, then you know just how terrorizing a street full of drunken twenty-somethings can be.

The tradition of Krampus night has slowly spread across the pond and there are now several festivals celebrating the great cloven hoof one. One of the largest is held in Ypsilanti, Michigan where the crowds of inebriated party-goers start their serious night of drinking at Woodruff’s where they find themselves bopping to the “Elbow Deep” drag queen show, Ypsilanti’s longest running drag revue. And if you don’t think a stage full of drunk drag queens is enough to scare children into behaving, then you probably still believe in Santa Claus.

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