I don’t know who has the distribution rights for rose colored glasses in Thailand, but that little commercial enterprise has got to be worth millions. It seems every farang over the age of forty dons a pair soon after landing in the Land of Smiles. And doesn’t take them off until he’s so broke he needs to sell them for taxi fare back to the airport.

This is my second post in a series providing a much needed shot of reality for punters who fall in love with a young Thai man, stemming from my having recently read on one of the gay Thailand message boards, yet again, a farang’s tale of woe of a bar boy who done him wrong. I’d link to that thread, but it’d be just as easy for you to click over to any forum of your choosing; posts about farang who’ve been scammed by a Thai prostitute are as common as pedos in Sunee Plaza. The names of those involved differ, the term of affection the farang (still) uses – be that boyfriend, bar boy, boy special, moneyboy, or prostitute – may change, but their stories always play out the same way, ending with the now destitute farang angry and bitter and the dastardly Thai living the good life off of all the filthy lucre he scammed out of the farang.

Those posts usually end with a warning to never trust a Thai, a warning that has been sounded a million times before which, somehow, the latest farang to fall in love with a bar boy who now feels the need to sing his tale of woe managed to miss. So maybe it’s not about wearing rose colored glasses. Maybe it’s about the blind leading the blind. Of course, the responses to those posts seldom are of the I Told You So nature that they should be; the disgruntled and disenfranchised love nothing more than sharing in the wealth of misery. Especially when it provides them with another opportunity to remind everyone that Thais are not to be trusted. The shot of reality, however, is that it’s more likely that both parties are equally to blame, it’s often a case of expectation unmet on both sides of the relationship. Which should start, but seldom does, on the farang’s side with the realization that despite how attractive, hot, and in lub with you that Thai guy is, no matter what you call him he is still a prostitute. Which is why that was the first shot of reality I covered in this series of posts.

Fans of Thailand’s world of commercial sex don’t like using that word. They feel it is demeaning to both themselves and the boy who decided to sell his body to make a living. They’ll tell you it is different in Thailand, that it’s about Thai culture, not about sex for sale. Often in the same breath as they are telling you how much fun it is to grope the working boys in Pattaya’s bars. And they’re right. There are cultural differences that make prostitution in Thailand unique. But a rose is still a rose. And problems arise when you insist on donning your rose colored glasses when instead you should be keeping your eyes wide open.

What is unique about Thai bar boys is their ability to spin a fantasy from the word go. Or from the phrase, “You hansum man!” as the case may be. Which, provided you bought him a drink proving your worth as a future walking ATM, is quickly followed by, “I lub you,” a professment of endearment so patently false that no one would ever believe it. Other than the 2.8 million farang who’ve fallen for that line in the past. No problemo. That you are actually interested in his overall well being is just as false. Face it, you both ‘lie’ each other, you he for his hot body and engaging smile, he you for your overflowing wallet. Pretending that your mutual attraction goes beyond that is a fantasy you both willingly indulge in. Not recognizing it for the fantasy it is has been the ruin of many.

Personally, I like the fantasy bar boys begin spinning the moment they meet you. I love being told by a hot, young stud how hansum I am. I enjoy hearing how much they like my hairy arms, even though I know it reminds them of the hair that covers an elephant’s hide. And nothing make my heart soar – not to mention other pars of me too – when for nothing more than the cost of an overpriced bottle of beer some gorgeous man tells me he lubs me. Before we’ve even exchanged names. It’s why I’m there. It’s why I don’t bitch about how much the bar charges. And it’s why there’s a damn good chance I’ll be offing that hottie. Sex with a prostitute I can get anywhere. Sex with a prostitute who immediately is willing to be the love of your life is a speciality you’ll seldom find outside of Thailand’s borders.

You may call it a scam – and will in a year or so after you’ve drained your life’s savings in an attempt to keep that fantasy alive – but I consider it a mutually agreed to fantasy in which both parties place high hopes that what they really want will come to pass. Even though they both should know better. Or will soon learn they should have known better. Nonetheless I believe you should indulge yourself and buy into that fantasy with every breath in your body. When you do, the sex is incredible. Go for it. But after you’ve had one of the top ten orgasms of your life, get your feet back on the ground. Remember it is just a fantasy. And remember to take off those rose colored glasses before you start calling him your boyfriend. That you have to slip him a few thousand baht before he’ll leave should help in that regard.

Hansum man? Well of course you are. Or became one when you ordered your first drink and responded affirmatively when asked by the mamasan, “You wan boy?” But a quick glimpse in the mirror mounted against the back wall of the bar should help remind you just how much of a fantasy that is. He ‘lies’ you? Well of course he does. Because he lies the baht you’ll be handing him as a token of your affection. He lubs you and wants to be your boyfriend? Hello. What hot, 20-year-old stud wouldn’t lub your 50-year-old ass and want to take care of you for the rest of your life? Oh . . .

Don’t get me wrong. A genuine and affectionate relationship between a younger Thai guy and an aging farang can happen. Though those tales are not as common as those of the done wrong by a Thai ilk, they do happen. You don’t hear about the successful Thai/farang relationships as much, which may be a good thing. Because if it happened to them, it could happen to you too. Right? Yup, and hell does in fact freeze over. It’s called winter in Russia. But when you do read about those successful relationships, the one thing that invariably stands out is the farang’s self-depreciating sense of humor about his worth as a boyfriend or life-partner. There is little pretense that his physical attributes in any way outweigh his financial ones. Those in such a relationship have reached an accommodation where both men involved take care of each other with the qualities he’s been blessed with. Equally. And with their eyes wide open. Wisely, they tend to keep their fantasies in the bedroom. Where they belong.

Abe Lincoln once observed, You can fool all the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time. Obviously, Abe never met the lonely farang who love Thailand and its boys. What Abe forgot to say was that while you have the right to fool yourself all of the time, you shouldn’t be bitching about what a fool you were later. As timeless of a story as that may be.

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