Some Thai working boys who hook up with farang are just in it for one thing: cash. As much as possible with as little effort in extracting it as possible. No problemo. Some farang who hook up with working boys are just in it for one thing too: sex. As much as possible with as little money expended as possible. The problem arises when either side is looking for more. And while the disastrous outcomes probably land equally on both side of the fence, the drama you hear of most often is from the farang’s side. Perhaps that’s not surprising. Often the farang is relatively new to the scene. And even if the Thai guy is too, he has lots of bar mates who’ll gladly coach him in the finer points of landing a farang.

The smart money knows when you go with a whore, never look for more. Ignore that advice and there’s a good chance you’re gonna get fucked in more way than one. Unfortunately, what is equally true is that you are not paying for sex, you’re paying for an experience. And for many farang visiting Thailand, that experience evolves into a relationship. Whether or not it’s the relationship you think it is has lots to do with you. Even though when it goes on the rocks, you’ll be blaming your ex-boyfriend. Who really never was.

That’s not to say a relationship with a bar boy is an impossible dream. There are a lot of successful farang/Thai relationships out there. Which probably is part of the problem. ‘Cuz if they can do it, then why can’t you too? The answer lays in those frequent tales you run across from farang who want to tell you about the Thai guy who done him wrong. As similar as those stories are, the details are often different. But the overarching theme is always the same. And it’s all about the farang playing the victim card.

I know you are supposed to commiserate with the teller of those sad tales. And many do. Many of whom have been burned in the same way in the past. Misery does love its company. I find it difficult, however, to empathize with an educated Westerner who is often in his 50 or 60s who is unable to match wits with a twenty-something farm-boy from rural Thailand. Especially when even he knows he should have known better.

Case in point, the message board thread that started me off on this series of posts. The farang tells of how his boy “talked’ him into buying a house in the boy’s village so that when the farang visited Thailand they could both live there. He did. And on his next visit found the boy had moved his entire family in leaving no room for the farang. Big surprise. The farang later provides more details on that purchase. He says initially he was told the house had belonged so the grandmother but the mother had forged her signature on the deed and borrowed money from the village loan shark. Upon going to sign papers for the purchase, the farang say he smelled a rat. Because the ‘loan shark’ turned out to be a wealthy retired business person in the village who spoke a little English and just happened to tell the farang he’d been trying to sell the property for over six months. Huh.

Of course you then hear what a lying little thief the boy was and how he treated the farang as his personal ATM. What you don’t hear is why, when confronted with the truth, he still ponied up the cash, signed the papers (putting the house in the boy’s name, of course) and completed the purchase. And the reason you don’t is because the answer is already evident. The farang is a victim. Not of the boy’s greed and lies. He is a victim because being a victim is what is in his soul. Being trod upon and taken of advantage is the experience he wanted. It’s the experience he paid for. And he got just what he’d been looking for. Which included being able to tell the world later how terribly he’d been treated.

Cold? Maybe. But how else do you explain his stupidity? Because he was in love? That idea plays well in a romance novel, but in real life love doe not conquer all. At least not if you think ‘all’ means every one of your brain cells too.

Do bar boys take advantage of farang? Yup. They do. There’s gold in them there hills of wrinkled, corpulent flesh. Because far too often farang make for a better victim than they do a partner or boyfriend. And really, who’s fault is that? When a farang throws money at a boy in lieu of those less tangible things that make up a real relationship, you can hardly blame the boy for then viewing the farang as nothing more than a walking ATM. Nor can you then blame him for attempting to make withdrawals as often a possible.

It is easy in those cases to say it was all a scam, that the poor farang was taken advantage of. The farang, after all was the possessor of jai dee (a good heart). Here’ a tip. When a bar boy tell one of his bar mates you are jai dee, the literal translation is not good hearted. It’s that you are a foolish sucker begging to be fleeced. And that’s what the glorious smile on his bar mate’s face is all about.

Not all Thai bar boys are out to scam their customers. Deep within their hearts is not a black little nugget of greed and avarice. What is there is a dream of meeting a Westener who will take care of them. And yes, that means financially too. Where the train runs off the track is when the potential boyfriend/partner begins showing how foolish he is. The boy quickly loses respect. And what he is then left with is a potential source of funds rather than a potential source of love and affection.

Those who have had or are in a successful relationship with a Thai guy have enough respect in themselves to not become a victim. Or to be a victim in the first place. They may be generous, but still know when to say, “Enough.” Or, “No.” Or laugh at the idea that they should buy a house for the boy for the two of them to live in when the farang comes visiting a few times a year.

The farang in this story, after posting how deviously cruel his boy had been, admitted that since that post the boy had been in touch with him for more money. And guess how the farang responded . . .

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