I don’t know if it is that gay guys are more liberal or if it is just that they are more creative, worldly, and intelligent, but it has always seemed to me that guys who play for the pink team tend to lean toward the left. I’m not anti-conservative, or even anti-Republican. Once you weed out the crazies, bigots, and homophobes from the Republican party, their platform actually has some valid points.

Of course, once you’ve weeded out the crazies, bigots, and homophobes from the Republican party, you only have a small handful of people left saluting the traditional American values of conservatism. But then that is how it should be. Because it turns out the majority of people who lean one way or the other – well, men at least – do in fact lean toward the left.

According to the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 14% of men point west when erect. Those whose members peg to the right only number 1%. The study sampled the photographic evidence of 500 men, measuring their little guys’ length, angle, and curvature when standing up.

Similar results were found by the Kinsey Institute for Research whose studies showed 10% of men have leftist leanings while 3% hold firmly to the right. Kinsey’s research, however, was conducted in the 1950s when the majority of Americans were staunchly conservative so it follows that more of their manhood when staunch would be right-leaning.

Both studies reported among those who stood up to be counted, roughly 25% did just that: almost a quarter of the men tested blossomed upward to some degree. A rebel of a different kind, Kinsey wasn’t interested in those that headed south, but the Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy reported just under 15% of their subjects bent slightly downward.

Even though limp dicks are nowhere near as interesting as erect ones, the Journal’s research showed that when men’s peni aren’t standing up for what they believe in, a far larger percentage hang liberally. 75% of men have their penis hanging to the left in their pants. 17% have their penis hanging to the right. And 8% measured in under the not so firm stance of being undecided.

If you are throwing a curve, no worries. Researchers in both camps confirmed that that is just they way you are: leaning towers of penis have nothing to do with a history of masturbating with any particular hand.

Popular myth covers the question of which side you dress on signifying which team you play on, but no one seems to agree on which means you are straight and which means you are happy and sexually content. That dressing on the left means you are gay is a slightly more popular opinion than the idea that right dressing guys are the gay ones. Sounds to me like there are too many bisexuals in the pool to reach a definitive conclusion on that one.

A better indication of gayness than how it hangs may be its lack of hanging: if the sight of a naked man makes your dick point north, you just might be gay. Or a Republican senator.

For those suffering from Ithyphallophobia (i.e. lacking the balls to see, have, or think about an erect penis), the leftward leanings of the majority of the male population can instead be contributed to the fact that rarely are a man’s testicles identical; in 80 percent of all cases, the left one is larger and hangs lower.

Republican Party presidential hopefuls need not be concerned with American men having an obvious preference for the left: front-runner Mitt Romney has no balls, Bush 3 (Rick Perry) shot his balls off and is quickly sinking in the polls, and crazy bitch Michele Bachmann’s balls are too large and frequently get in the way of her mouth. Even if she does win, her husband’s fondness for licking men’s ball means we’ll still only have a First Lady residing in the White House.

I just hope if Obama runs under his ‘Change’ slogan again that he doesn’t mean I’m going to have to start dressing on the right.

Related Posts You Might Enjoy: