Forget mass beheadings by ISIS, Copenhagen turning into little America, and proof that global warming is a hoax ‘cuz everywhere but California is buried under a ton of snow, the real news of the week is that Justin Bieber’s best buddy has finally made an appearance. Unlike Punxsutawney Phil, it didn’t cast a shadow. But is responsible for a lot of shade being thrown. And despite the alleged evidence, the question still seems to be whether Justin has a big dick or just that he is a big dick.

If you are in the Is A Big Dick camp and haven’t been following the strange saga of Justin’s lack of stature, it all started back at the beginning of the year when Bieber and his penis appeared in a new Calvin Klein ad. Almost immediately the internet began claiming it ain’t all that. And BreatheHeavy­.com weighed in on the weight of Bieber’s package with what it claimed were unretouched photos from the photo shoot showing a decidedly less muscular and less endowed Justin. Some claimed the unretouched photos were photoshopped, while the masses continued to claim Bieber’s mass was the photoshopped version. Regardless, threatened by legal action, the website took those photos down.

Meanwhile other internet sites and media outlets began their own investigations into Bieber’s crotch shots, pointing out other questionable parts such as a happy trail not visible in video footage from the shoot while in the print ads it looked like he’d grown some hair. Ditto for his well-defined six-pack in the print ads that look more like a two-pack in the video clips. The controversy wouldn’t die down, causing even further shrinkage to Bieber’s pride in his manhood.

And so the 20-year-old singer’s PR machine got busy proudly standing up for that which appeared unable to do the same for itself. One unnamed source close to the Canadian pop star’s penis claimed the Calvin Klein ads were retouched, but not to add the missing elements; he claimed Bieber’s bulge was retouched because it was too big for the underwear he was given to wear for the shoot. “Justin was too big for his underwear. They are too tight and needed to be photo shopped to make the pictures look less distracting,” he told anyone who would looked to be a Belieber.

Patrick Nilsson, Justin’s personal trainer, added his two inches worth too, telling Access Hollywood, “I can definitely confirm that he is a well-endowed guy.” And then realizing what he’d just said added, “Okay, I sound weird saying that, but yes.” Nilsson declined to elaborate further on exactly how he knows that to be true.

So Bieber decided to take the controversy into his own hands by publishing a photo on his Instagram account showing what he felt was proof in the pudding. The photo, captioned “photoshopped lol” shows the Biebs wearing nothing but a towel which may or may not include a vague outline of Justin’s penis. Which for those in the Is A Big Dick camp only served to prove the boyish crooner doesn’t know dick about dick. While Bieber’s self-published photo did little to end the debate, it did raise the question of which member of his entourage took that photo, and just what was going on that was responsible for raising that point.

Not being able to allow sleeping dogs – or puppies – to lie, the latest in the possibly not so sagging saga is this weekend’s leaked text mBeiber’s Teeny Weeny 4essage between Bieber and his ex, Selena Gomez, in which Justin included several dick pix. Yup, tired of the is he or isn’t he controversy, actual shots of the Biebs’ little Bieb have been published to prove he really does measure up. Which too is a bit suspicious.

The flurry of text messages were originally published back in 2004 after Selena’s iPhone was reportedly hacked. The dick pix were originally blurred out. That proof of Justin’s manhood has now magically appeared has some wondering just how big of a dick Bieber really is. While it has others wondering if Justin knows the difference between a big dick and what’s not really hanging between his legs.

While the text part of the message proves Bieber is in fact a big dick, the accompanying photos just don’t add up to much. It is a dick. That it is Justin’s is still debatable. And ‘big’ is relative. One shows a fistful of dick, but for all we know he just choked up on his bat. The other attempts to give Bieber’s best buddy a thumbs up, and it almost appears to be a full-length feature film. But even if Justin has little hands (which is never a good sign) at best he’s looking at under six inches. Which ain’t much to brag about. Or as Selena tagged it, “U need to grow the fuck up.”

Obviously, if Bieber wants to prove his point he needs to do a full frontal, full body shot so his fans can see if he measures up to the hype. Or we could start a new controversy off of Selena’s comment, “All my friends were right. You’re such an asshole,” and check out his flip side instead. ‘Cuz while Bieber being a big dick may be debatable, that he’s a complete ass seems to be a given.