As a good Christian you need to know the reason Thailand is rife with ladyboys and male prostitutes is because of the teachings of Buddha.

As a good Christian you need to know the reason Thailand is rife with ladyboys and male prostitutes is because of the teachings of Buddha.

On one of my regular trips down the rabbit hole known as Google the other day, I ran across a posting by a young American girl in Thailand doing missionary work. Having been in Bangkok for an entire week already, obviously she knew everything there was to known about the kingdom. Not that she was just sharing her new found and all encompassing knowledge with the folks back home mind you, hers was also a plea for monetary donations so she could continue to do the good work she’d already begun. Which, basically was to combat the locals’ heathen beliefs. ‘Cuz, as she said, “Where idolatry exists, so does sexual immorality.” And if there is one thing that gets holly rollers to reach for their wallets, it’s sexual immorality.

Unfortunately for the poor woman, while busy endeavoring so “that Jesus’ name will be known all throughout the nation”, she found herself surrounded by ladyboys. Or “so called ladyboys”. As she so called them. But knowing chicks with dicks alone was not gonna bring in the cash she needed from the faithful, she started off her tale with alerting one and all that all ladyboys in Thailand are forced into a life of prostitution. ‘Cuz nothing drops a right-wing conservative evangelical to his knees quicker than the idea of prostitutes. Especially those sporting both tits and a dick. Hail Mary.

Interweaving the two, just so her donors would know what their money could buy them in Thailand, she provided numerous facts and statistics about ladyboys and prostitutes in the kingdom. Such as that there are 67 million people in Thailand, and an estimated 2.8 million of them are prostitutes. Both men and women. Since she didn’t include transgendered in that sexuality roll call, ya have to assume that number is even higher. The problem, she says, is fourfold. The high number of working men, women (and possibly ladyboys) is due to widespread poverty, a low educational level, that “there are more centers of prostitution than there are schools”, and of course, the prevalence of Buddhism in Thailand. ‘Cuz as we all know according to The Buddha the path to enlightenment involves a sex change operation.

I’m guessing Bruce Jenner is a Buddhist.

I'm pretty sure that's a Buddhist amulet she's wearing below her waist.

I’m pretty sure that’s a Buddhist amulet she’s wearing below her waist.

She goes on to report that Thai parents sell their sons and daughters into the sex trade for as little as $12, where they are then forced to service a dozen customers daily. Even if Thailand doesn’t work on the metric system. Then, having dispensed with all the prostitution references her fellow Christians could possibly handle during one kneeling, she zeroed in on the ladyboys. But to understand ladyboys, you also have to understand the prevailing culture in Thailand. So she carefully explained the common Buddhist practices that lead to a life of hormone treatments.

First, all Buddhists believe that all Thai men are notorious womanizers and gamblers; their wives do not expect them to be faithful. And they are not considered healthy role-models for the children. So some mothers, if their child is born male, raise him to be female instead. Just to avoid the chance he’ll grow up to be like his gambling, womanizing father. Not that that is the only reason there are so many ladyboys in Thailand. Moms also take their children to a Buddhist monk who tells them if their boy-child has a female spirit. That’s due to their belief of reincarnation. And while it doesn’t seem to have anything to do with monks demanding boys be raised as girls, just to prove how knowledgeable she is on the subject, she threw in that according to Buddhism men are the spiritual merit providers of the family, which is nothing more than being required to fulfill an unspecified duty in a temple for a month, after which they are then free to live as they please (i.e. gamble and womanize).

Women, on the other hand, are considered the financial providers of the household in Thailand. Which is why all women in Thailand are prostitutes. And now that you understand how families work in Thailand you can also understand why in some they choose one of the sons to become a ladyboy. Which is so that they will have someone to support the family. Because as Buddhists, their only money making option is prostitution.

According to Buddha, as a Thai you can either be a gambling womanizing male, or a ladyboy prostitute. Which doesn't exactly explain male gogo bar boys, but then no religion is perfect.

According to Buddha, as a Thai you can either be a gambling womanizing male, or a ladyboy prostitute. Which doesn’t exactly explain male gogo bar boys, but then no religion is perfect.

Granted, you may think that all sounds like logic at its fuzziest. But that’s how things work in Thailand. And our highly devoted and all-knowledgeable young missionary knows this to be true. Because at least one ladyboy she met told her exactly that. And to save those poor ladyboys’ souls and bring their medically enhanced blossoms to Christ, our young missionary works at a cafe devoted to employing former prostitutes and vulnerable young boys to give them a safer option for making money. Unfortunately, the cafe has been closed for a couple months. But it is in the process of reopening soon. So please pray that it will. And send your donations in now. ‘Cuz they have big plans. They’ll be open on Tuesday and Friday evenings. And will not only be busy saving souls, but offering English lessons. And art classes too.

Until then, our missionary friend is teaching English to young men who work in a “massage parlor”. Her quotes, not mine. ‘Cuz every good Christian already knows what “massage parlor” means. And so far, she says, she’s been blessed by that. Because “these are people that Christ died for, and I pray that I can show them his love each and every time I see them.” Which, as happy endings go, ya can’t ask for much more. At least not if you didn’t pay for a four hands massage.

I too feel very blessed by the knowledge this young missionary has shared. I’d provide a link to her website so that you could donate to her good work, but I’m concerned that she may soon find herself in a position where she may not be able to tell which Thai women are women prostitutes and which are ladyboy prostitutes. So instead I’m gonna have a few thousand stickers made up that say Honk If You Get Hard For Buddha. That should help her spread the light to those really in need of it. So feel free to send me your cash so that I too may continue with my charitable work to turn Buddhist prostitutes into the god-fearing Christian ladyboys they deserve to be.