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The 13th Annual King's Cup Elephant Polo Tournament is coming to Bangkok this weekend.

The 13th Annual King’s Cup Elephant Polo Tournament is coming to Bangkok this weekend.

Knowing how much readers of this blog enjoy my coverage of the Olympics and other huge international sporting events, I’d be remiss in not covering one of Thailand’s top athletic tournaments, the King’s Cup Elephant Polo Tournament which runs this year from today through the 31st at the VR Sport Club in Samut Prakan. You may think that means an advanced version of a pub crawl featuring some of Pattaya’s most prodigiously built sexpats, but the animals on the playing field at the King’s Cup won’t be quite as large as they are only real elephants.

Bulges of amazing breadth and dongs that would put Swedish pole vaulters to shame, nonetheless will take center stage over the next four days in Thailand. This is the 13th running of the tournament put on by Anantara Hotels, Resorts & Spas under the direction of the World Elephant Polo Association (no, really), with teams competing from Scotland – a back to back World Champion and two times winner of the Kings Cup in Thailand – as well as over forty other different nationalities taking part in the charity event that funds the world’s only elephant therapy project for autistic children.

Elephant polo is a lot like regular polo and neither feature the half-naked hunky bodies of men’s water polo. But the King’s Cup also has parades, beauty contests, monk blessings, and an all-you-can-eat fruit buffet (for the elephants, not Pattaya’s sexpat population. So all you balloon chasers can just stay home). On the other hand, fans of Sunee Plaza will be thrilled to know all participants must be young, preferably under 20 and still at an age where they will thoroughly enjoy the sport, but large enough to carry a player with ease. Which should sound familiar to said Sunee fans.

Looks like feeding time at Pattaya's Casa Pascal, but it's the all-you-can-eat fruit buffet at the King's Cup Elephant Polo Tournament.

Looks like feeding time at Pattaya’s Casa Pascal, but it’s the all-you-can-eat fruit buffet at the King’s Cup Elephant Polo Tournament.

Best yet, there’ll be plenty of prime pachyderm flesh packing the playing field. And probably a few cute mahouts too. To get you in the spirit for the tournament, here are some of the hotter contestants and fan favorites:

Jabba The Butt is an experienced player, and it shows.

Jabba The Butt is an experienced player, and it shows.

For some unfathomable reason, this young contestant is always popular with fans from Sunee Plaza.

For some unfathomable reason, this young contestant is always popular with fans from Sunee Plaza.

It's rumored that veteran polo mount AK47 is trying out a new position this year.

It’s rumored that veteran polo mount AK47 is trying out a new position this year.

Polo mount Bucknaway always rocks 'the look'.

Polo mount Bucknaway always rocks ‘the look’.

The player affectionately known as Christian PFC is a terror on the field but spends most of the tournament checking the temperatures of his fellow players.

The player affectionately known as Christian PFC is a terror on the field but spends most of the tournament checking the temperatures of his fellow players.

And what international sporting event would be complete without an appearance by Kim Kardashian? Looks like she's bringing baby North with her to this year's festivities.

And what international sporting event would be complete without an appearance by Kim Kardashian? Looks like she’s bringing baby North with her to this year’s festivities.

Oliver heard a rumor of where he could find an utopian workers paradise, but it only smelled like Palestine.

Oliver heard a rumor of where he could find an utopian workers paradise, but it only smelled like Palestine.

And you thought those Olympics bulges were impressive.

And you thought those Olympics bulges were impressive.

The elephant look alike contest is always a popular part of the festivities. (Please note due to an overabundance of potential contestants only the first 25 entries from Pattaya are allowed).

The elephant look alike contest is always a popular part of the festivities. (Please note due to an overabundance of potential contestants only the first 25 entries from Pattaya are allowed).

Getting a commemorative tattoo is always a popular pastime among local attendees.

Getting a commemorative tattoo is always a popular pastime among local attendees.

Or for those who enjoy their pleasures more privately, a 'handimal' tattoo can make those lonely nights just a bit less lonely.

Or for those who enjoy their pleasures more privately, a ‘handimal’ tattoo can make those lonely nights just a bit less lonely.

And a final reminder for tournament attendees: Watch out for pickpockets.

And a final reminder for tournament attendees: Watch out for pickpockets.

Related Posts You Might Enjoy:
25 Uses For A Dead Elephant

25 Uses For A Dead Elephant
The Elephant Experience in Thailand

The Elephant Experience in Thailand
Bangkok’s Erawan Museum and the Three-Headed Elephant

Bangkok’s Erawan Museum and the Three-Headed Elephant