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doing dave 1

Well, I did warn you the events of the past weekend may well spill over into today’s post too. Thanks to yesterday’s, my phone has been ringing off the hook as friends spread across the country who knew Dave and I back in the day weighed in on the unexpected – or not – turn of events, most calling just to crow, “I knew he was gay!” I’m sure Dave will be pleased to know he’s the only one who didn’t think that.

Most friends have been supportive, a few worried, and Ann, who’s never been one to not speak her mind, told me to pass on to Dave that it’s a good thing she’s on the other side of the country or she’d be slapping his little rainbow-colored head silly. Evidently, I now find out, she sat Dave down for a heart-to-heart years ago to tell him it was time to man up, admit he was gay, and get on with being the happy couple she knew we would be. Um, Dave can consider himself told.

You’d think with those events still fresh, yesterday’s lengthy post, and an evening full of phone conversations, I would have had enough and looked for something to take my mind off the subject. Like catching up on internet porn. Instead I called Noom, which is something I don’t do often. He relies on facial expressions to make sense out of a lot of the English thrown his way, so it’s usually better to email him, which gives him time to attempt to translate those words before he has to respond. But in a pinch, mouth to ear ain’t bad either:

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“Remember my friend Dave?”

“Dave?”

“Tall, brown, went to Chiang Mai with us?”

“Oh. We go Chiang Mai Dave. How Dave?”

“Dave’s gay.”

“I know. How Dave?”

“Dave’s fine. But he’s gay now.”

“We go Chiang Mai Dave?”

“Yes, that Dave.”

“Dave gay in Chiang Mai.”

“Why? Because he got into bed with us?”

“No Dave gay Chiang Mai. Dave gay Bangkok. Dave ever gay. I tell you she gay.”

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“He gay, not she gay. He’s not a ladyboy.”

Noom spent a minute enjoying his braying laugh. “Dave ugly ladyboy.”

“Yeah well I tell him you said to never do drag.”

“What?”

“Never mind.”

“You satay wit Dave now?”

“No. I’m still with Phil.”

“Good.”

“Why? I thought you liked Dave?”

“I lie Dave. I lie Phil more.”

“Why?”

“Dave drink too mucht.”

“Yeah, well there is that.”

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“Phil know?”

“Yeah Phil knows.”

“How Phil?”

“Phil’s good. But a little bit pissed.”

“Good.”

“It’s good Phil is pissed?”

“What you mean?”

“Never mind.”

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“When you come see me Bangkok?”

“I dunno. I think early November.”

“Oh. You bring Phil?”

“I dunno. We haven’t decided yet.”

“Oh. You bring Dave?”

“Probably not. Loi Krathong is early this year so maybe I’ll bring Phil.”

“We go Yee Peng Chiang Mai?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

“Good. You come wit Phil.”

“Not Dave?”

“Dave ever go Chiang Mai.”

“But not during Yee Peng.”

“Better you satay wit Phil.”

“Okay, gotchya.”

“I sleeping now.”

“Okay, pleasant dreams.”

“Pleasant dream . . .hehehehe . . . I dream Phil puncht Dave.”

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