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The first step in properly stuffing a turkey is knowing which turkey to stuff.

The first step in properly stuffing a turkey is knowing which turkey to stuff.

Today is Thanksgiving in the U.S., the day we celebrate the first decent meal the pilgrims had after landing in America. A religious lot, not a lot of thought went into their decision to conquer a new land, preferring to leave their fate in the hands of their god instead. So come winter, many of them starved and died. Until the ultimate WTF Were We Thinking? moment when those whose lands were being conquered took pity on the poor pale-face and taught them how to plant crops that would actually grow in their new world. Disaster and death averted, the pilgrims offered up thanks for their salvation. To the god who’d ignored their plight. And then set about killing off those who’d actually saved them. Which might explain why even Indians aren’t big fans of green bean casserole with french fried onions on top.

Appropriately enough, this year Thanksgiving racks up several ‘first’ records while celebrating the first real dinner the pilgrims had some 400 years ago. Which must prove the U.S. is still #1. Even if no one else in the world is part of this particular competition. Nonetheless I’m sure they all still give us a big thumb’s up. Even if they are confused about which digit their thumb is:

Butterball, the country’s leading supplier of turkeys, finally recognized that occasionally men too cook and for the first time in the company’s history has hired men to, um, man their Thanksgiving hot line for those desperate souls who need help in cooking their holiday dinner. Like what to do with a frozen turkey when your guests are showing up in three hours (HINT: Turkey ice cream ain’t too bad with enough cranberry sauce on top).

This is the first Thanksgiving Paula Dean doesn’t have to be shy about demanding only white meat.

This is the first Thanksgiving that minimum wage retail employees will discover that under the new economy Thanksgiving is just another workday. A holiday tradition started by Walmart, this year all major retailers are open on the holiday that once was reserved for spending time with family and friends. Now you may think that makes Walmart an evil corporate empire, but the #1 retailer in the world is using the holiday to prove they have heart. Two Walmart stores in Ohio this year are holding a food drive for the hungy. Specifically the hungry working at their stores. Yup the Walmarts in Canton and Cleveland are asking customers to donate food for their employees who wages are too low to allow them to feed themselves.

This is the first Thanksgiving Alec Baldwin can sit at his family’s dinner table and trade homophobic insults with his homophobic brother without worrying about losing his job. Huh. And I thought angels were only associated with Christmas.

This is the first Thanksgiving the Jewish folk have been invited to the party. Okay, so it’s the first time since 1888 and not all around first time, but having Hanukkah and Thanksgiving Day celebrated a the same time is still fairly unusual. I just wish I’d been invited to dinner at the home of an evangelical family so I could spend the day wishing everyone a Happy Hanukkah!

This is the first Thanksgiving that every American can be covered by affordable health insurance. Oh, wait. April Fool’s Day is still a few months off. Never mind. Period.

This is the first Thanksgiving that many gay couples can spend with their family as legally married spouses. And after spending the entire day with said family, much like the Indians after the first Thanksgiving, they’ll be saying WTF Were We Thinking?

So to all my American readers: Happy Thanksgiving!
To all my Jewish readers: Happy Hanukkah!
And to everyone else: Happy Thursday!

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