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The end of the world as we know it is eminent. Again.

The end of the world as we know it is eminent. Again.

Title-wise, that just had more panache than The End Is Near. Or Your Ass Is Grass. I coulda also gone with The Sky Is Falling!, which may have been more appropriate since one of the requirements of being a sexpat in Thailand is the willingness to predict doom and gloom at any opportunity. Jabba’s been busy this week advising his band of merry men to cancel any flights they may have booked that have a stop in Korea because Kim Jong-un is throwing a hissy-fit again. But then throwing a hissy fit to mark the occasion of someone else’s hissy fit is, at least, meeting kind with kind. I’m not sure if it’s about being an old queen or being an old sexpat, but hissy fits seem to rule the day. Especially when it’s over the end of the world as we know it.

Second in popularity to whining about bar boys who don’t show the proper enthusiasm for the thirty bucks they are being paid to bring an octogenarian to climax is how dear that thirty bucks is these days. This week the baht once again strengthened against the dollar. And pound. And pretty much every other western currency. The message boards are filled with woe over how damn expensive Thailand has become. Sexpats already living on the margin are becoming destitute. Sex touri can no longer afford to visit the Happiest Place On Earth. The sky is falling and Thailand’s future is going right down the toilet with it.

I too remember the good old days when the exchange rate was 41 baht to the dollar. Back then gas ran under two bucks a gallon too. More recently, I remember being thrilled when the rate went as high as 32 during a visit, though it seemed to hover closer to 30 most of the time. I don’t ignore exchange rates. I even take the time when in Bangkok to go to where the best rates are available. Even when it is only a fraction of a percent more. But the difference between getting 32 baht to the dollar and 29 isn’t gonna break me. It’s hardly noticeable. And there’s a good chance in five year’s time that I’ll be remembering the good old days when you could get a 29 baht to the dollar rate.

Would an additional $3.00 really keep you away from spending a night with him?

Would an additional $3.00 really keep you away from spending a night with him?

I realize that not everyone’s budget is as healthy as mine. Just as there are those who can afford to drop bigger bucks than I do on holiday. But if your financial picture is so dismal that getting 3 baht less per dollar exchanged is that big of a hit, maybe you shouldn’t be spending a grand on a week of getting your rocks off. And if you retired in a foreign land with a nest egg so small to put you at the poverty line when inflation kicked in, well, that wasn’t a very smart move now was it? Maybe you should have allowed your bigger head to do your retirement planning for you. But then I guess even when you can no longer afford the cheap sex that drew you to your new home thanks to the unfavorable exchange rate, there’s still value in being able to bitch and moan about how expensive things are these days. And that’s gotta be worth the ten cents less you’re getting per dollar exchanged.

Though many holiday for less and live in Thailand on less, most would agree that an outlay of $5,000 would allow you to do either comfortably. The difference between the exchange rate today – and hell, let’s drop it to an even 29 since we’re headed that way anyway – and what it was just a few years ago when you could get 32 baht to the dollar, on $5,000 is just under fifty bucks. That’s chump change. Or to put it in a perspective sexpats can understand, the boy you rent for the night now costs you a whopping $3.25 more than he would have just three years ago. That’s assuming you’d pay the going rate. Which most sexpats wouldn’t. Because $35 is way too much to be spending on an orgasm.

For the visitor who spends two weeks in Thailand and offs a boy nightly, that means spending an additional $45 over the length of your holiday on getting off. Or $90 for those who prefer an early evening and late night orgasm daily. Compare that to the increase in air travel costs over the last few years and you should quickly realize the exchange rate is not the problem. But bitching about the cost of air travel just isn’t as much fun.

You can still get a nice hotel room in Bangkok for about $40. Make it $100 and you get room service too.

You can still get a nice hotel room in Bangkok for about $40. Make it $100 and you get room service too.

This morning I checked the rates at a hotel in Bangkok that I first started using over 20 years ago. It’s a three star hotel that likes to think it’s a four star hotel, nicely located a short block off the happening section of Sukhumvit, offering spacious rooms with marble floors and a buffet breakfast with at least a dozen hot dishes. Their ‘Executive’ room ran 1,800 baht twenty years ago. And it’s still 1,800 baht today. That may cost me almost $20 more per night due to today’s exchange rate, but it’s still an incredible deal. And less than the Motel 6 a few minutes from my home charges as its weekend rate. Meanwhile, in Bangkok, dozens of new hotels in and around Silom have sprung up in just the last few years with nightly rates around 1,2000 baht. That’s about $40 regardless of which exchange rate you use. How can you possibly claim that Thailand is no longer an affordable place to live or visit?

The cost of drinks and off fees have gone up over that span of two decades, but the average bar boy tip in Bangkok hasn’t. So he too costs me $20 more at today’s rates than he did when I first began visiting Thailand (though I doubt it’d be the same bar boy. I hope.). That tip due to the difference in exchange rates over the last several years costs me just over $6 more today. And my pleasure is worth every penny of that ginormous amount.

I get it. When you have nothing else to occupy your time, bitching about anything and everything is a happy diversion. It’s almost as good as predicting the end of the gogo bars, the end of Westerners’ influence on Thailand’s commercial sex scene, and the end of Thailand’s allure for sexpats and touri alike. But when it is the difference between paying $31.25 and $34.50 for a night with a hot young stud who’ll make all of your fantasies come true, you just come off sounding silly.

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