A visit to Thailand, even just a holiday in Bangkok, can be completely different each and every time you go. Sometimes it’s the weather. Sometimes its the people you meet or the places within the city you visit. For me, some trips are heavily filled with business, others provide ample free time to play touri. Not hitting the bars, or hitting the bars nightly, can make one trip totally different from another, as can finding a guy to spend the entire holiday with or playing butterfly instead and sampling the many guys the city has to offer. But nothing has as much of an impact as does who you travel with.

I’ve made the trip by myself. And I’ve gone with a buddy, both gay and straight. I’ve visited Bangkok with a small group of friends, again both gay and straight as well as mixed, and once even made a pseudo group tour hitting the Kingdom with a gaggle of fifteen friends and acquaintances (all gay thanks the gods . . . if you consider lesbians to be gay too). Travelling by yourself or with a friend or group of friends makes the experience unique. That can be a good thing, or a bad thing. It all depends on who is in your wolf pack.

The Advocate had an interview that I wanted to read the other day and while on-line I decided to click through a variety of articles to see what else interested me. Articles on travel always grab my attention and seeing one with the title “Going Solo”, I clicked in for a read.

I assumed being in the Advocate it would cover the joys of travelling by yourself. Instead it was a short article covering what the author thought to be the downside of solo travel and how to best negate those problems and concerns. The Advocate is all about gay rights, equality and empowerment for gays but still is cool with discriminating against single men. The author was concerned that the cons of travelling by yourself were too worrisome, and then went on to list the dangers of solo travel such as the cost of a double-occupancy hotel room being almost as much as single-occupancy (huh?) – which he suggested staying in a hostel as a remedy – problems with meeting people (his sage advice was to always carry a lighter with you even if you don’t smoke), and the horror of dining at a restaurant by yourself, which you can avoid by eating at street carts, sitting at a restaurant’s bar instead of asking for a table, or eating early or late to avoid being the sole sole diner in a room full of couples and groups. I was waiting for him to remind his readers that as solo travellers we are required to sit at the back of the bus.

More times than not I travel alone. I’m great company. At least for myself. Solo travel isn’t for everyone. There are a lot of people out there who just are not comfortable enough with themselves, and just as many who are not comfortable visiting a foreign land without the safety net of a companion. I enjoy travelling with friends, but nothing beats the freedom of being on your own. You can do what you want when you want. And can be just as happy doing nothing at all.

Travelling solo opens you to different experiences and I’ve always found strangers tend to reach out to you when you travel solo too. Maybe it’s pity that makes them make that effort; I don’t care. I’ve spent some wonderful times in the company of complete strangers who quickly became friends. And unlike when travelling with friends, if you decide you don’t really like the people you find yourself hanging out with, it’s always easy to ditch them.

That can be one of the biggest detriments to travelling with a friend, a lover, or a group. When things become unbearable, ditching your travel companion(s) is not considered good form. Even if not doing so means ruining your holiday. Knowing the people you travel with well, before the trip is a must. Discovering what it is like to live with them for weeks on end while in a foreign country is almost a surefire recipe for a disaster. On any trip there are things that go wrong, things that you didn’t expect that happen, and tons of little annoying things that crop up that can tax your patience. How you deal with those on your own is one thing, how you deal with them in a group dynamic is another. For some those little molehills quickly become mountains and the next thing you know you’re standing at the foot of Vesuvious. Those little problems often become one of the more memorable experiences of your trip. They can be memories that you laugh about later, or cringe at the row the whole thing became because of the reaction by someone you were travelling with. Solo travel avoids those type of conflagrations. But then for some, even travelling alone, means travelling in a dysfunctional wolf pack.

Not long ago I read what I still consider one the saddest statements about travel I’ve ever run across. I think the reason it bothered me as much as it did is because I usually expect more out of those of us who travel. We’re supposed to be the thrill-seekers. Or at least the enlightened ones. Some, evidently, are the exception to that rule:

“After so many trips to the Land of Smiles the awe and wonder about the place has dimmed, but only slightly. Most times I’ve found that it’s been my fellow visitors and the havoc they wreak in pursuit of their Ultimate Holidays that’s been to blame much more than any legitimate complaint about the country or people themselves. The further I get from the less savory areas, the more I enjoy my time there.”

Huh. I can’t imagine how anyone fortunate enough to fly off to an exotic locale, even when doing so – as for many of us – has become routine can allow that joy to be diminished to any degree by nothing more than the conduct of complete strangers. How completely screwed up do you have to be that the manner in which others – people you do not know and with whom you are not travelling – go about enjoying their holiday has such a negative effect on your own enjoyment? The only thing worse would be if that person was your travel companion and you had to listen to their whining for the entire trip. Travelling solo means not having to deal with other people’s baggage. Or dour dispositions.

I still consider travel to be about discovery. I’m intrigued by the places and people, their way of life, their customs, their oddities, and the differences between their world and mine. Angkor Wat was incredible, the conversation I had with the little urchin selling postcards more memorable. Bora Bora was stunningly beautiful, almost missing my plane ride home from strolling the beach collecting shells with an old British couple I’d met is the memory of that trip that first springs to mind. A visit to Taiwan is a blur thanks to downing far too many boiler makers with a group of straight Aussie guys I met at a bar. None of which would have happened had I been travelling with a companion or group of friends.

Solo travel is comparable to the difference between striking out on your own and taking a group packaged tour. It’s not for everybody; some are willing to give up the experience for the comfort of being shepherded about. But for those willing to stand on their own, the rewards of solo travel can’t be beat. Solo travel is about pleasuring yourself. And that’s a good thing. Because even with travel, it really is all about me.

Related Posts You Might Enjoy: