I don’t know what to say about the fact that these days I’m picking up more useful tidbits off of Stickman’s weekly column than the far more prolific postings of the gay message boards, but there ya go. Knowing that some of you avoid Stick’s corner of the internet because it smells suspiciously of fish, I thought I’d pass along the latest word, one which I have a bit of a problem in believing. According to Stickman the government has installed a PA system along the walls surrounding the Grand Palace that announces to touri that the Grand Palace is in fact not closed.
Have they no sense of tradition!
The Grand Palace Is Closed scam is the second oldest con* in Bangkok. Anna Leonowens fell for it when she presented herself for her governess job, which is why she started all that whistling crap. But then blowing the whistle on locals is never a good idea in Thailand and she managed to get herself banned for all eternity for that little stunt. The Grand Palace Is Closed is a well-known and well participated in scam that ready victims touri greedily fall prey to in masses daily. The Grand Palace Is Closed scam is a rite of passage. And it provides income for scores of locals out to help visitors to their country. I don’t know what the government was thinking. If you hear rumors of a coup in the next few weeks, pay attention this time.
The new announcement, in ‘perfect English,’ advises touri that they should ignore anyone who says the palace is closed. The announcement states that the palace is open every day from 8:30 AM to 4:00 PM and that the last admission is 3:30 PM.
At least half of the touri who hear this announcement will smarten up and realize the helpful local who regrettably tells them that the Grand Palace is closed just might be a liar. Okay, well, maybe 30% will. Still, that is enough potential victims who didn’t get fleeced to put a serious crimp in the income levels of helpful locals, special government approved tuk tuk drivers, visiting professionals who will tell touri about the large gobs of money to be made by purchasing gems in Bangkok and selling them for unheard of profits back in their home country, and gem dealers holding special, one day government approved jewelry sales that the lucky touri who was disappointed about the closure of the palace luckily stumbled upon.
More importantly it could easily put an end to my enjoyment of playing Scam the Scammer and getting a fifty baht tuk tuk ride to three cool wats finished off with a cool drink in a nicely air conditioned showroom where the sales help will quickly figure out I’m not spending a satang. Now I’m gonna have to go visit a damn museum instead.
The word is that before the government decided to intervene in free enterprise, backpackers – who obviously can’t afford pricey high quality gems that would be worth a fortune when they run out of funds and have to go back to the real world – often instead get the opportunity to pick up incredible deals on air and bus fares to wisk them off to the next destination where the locals will prey on their naivete. The Thai government in its ill-conceived move has not only helped to put a stop to these bargain basement deals but is blocking one of the important lessons in life that backpackers once had the opportunity of getting under their belt at an early age.
For most of them that lesson was: You Are A Loser You Backpacking Scum. For those that agreed to their trip of discovery on a whim and have hated every minute of it, the lesson that complete strangers who want to clue you in on a big secret are lying is one they would have benefited from for years to come. Thank the gods the bar boys who will tell you they love you within minutes of meeting are still readily available or my faith in humanity would be completely lost.
Not being a complete Philistine, whenever I have visited the Grand Palace I’ve dressed appropriately. The symbol of Thailand’s monarchy whose grounds are filled with temples, chapels, and shrines . . . you shouldn’t need to be told to dress respectably. Those that do need to be told often instead get their own version of the Grand Palace Is Closed scam wherein the gem shops and bargain ticket outlets are bypassed in favor of one of Bangkok’s award winning Indian Tailors since its obvious the poorly dressed touri are in need of a decent set of duds.
The best Indian tailors in Bangkok are always easy to spot. Their pants are one inch too tight and two inches too short. I’m not sure why they are all committed to the before picture, but have to assume it must be considered the apex of marketing in Calcutta. But inappropriately dressed visitors to the Grand Palace need not worry. A helpful local will point out an officially sanctioned tuk tuk driver who will know where these guys’ shops are. Those whose karma is not quite as good won’t get an opportunity to buy a new sets of clothes, they’ll get the opportunity to rent them.
I never realized there was a bonus scam lying in wait at the Grand Palace, but evidently there is and it too is a staple of the local economy. Or it once was. Now, in addition to announcing the hours the palace is open, the government’s broadcast also informs potential visitors that if they are dressed inappropriately there are acceptable coverings inside available for use at no charge. Evidently previously there were gangs of locals offering used clothing for rent to the unsuspecting and fashion challenged. Now, their business too has been given a swift kick in the okole by those currently in charge of the country. Maybe those plying their trade around the Grand Palace are all yellow shirt supporters. Or maybe the royal coffers are feeling the economic pinch too and the loss of admission fees is finally being taken seriously.
I don’t know what Thailand is coming to. The next thing ya know they’ll be prohibiting the rental of pre-damaged jet skis in Phuket.
(* The oldest con in Bangkok is that the guy you just met in a gogo bar loves you.)
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mark said:
I remember this from my first trip…said helpful local tells me it is closed for Buddhist holiday then offered to take me to several other temples that were open (that seemed odd to me, so did the people in the background who were walking in) as he assured me temple closed and how he could give me a special deal a tour bus pulled up…he chased me for a bit telling me it was closed, I assured him I just wanted a peak in the gate….
Bangkokbois said:
Yup Mark you haven’t visited Thailand if you haven’t been told the Grand Palace is closed.
I never thought about why other temples would be open if that one was closed before though!
I’ll have to ask next time – the answer should be grand.
ChristianPFC said:
They should rather change the opening times. It’s difficult for me to get up early enough to go there and have actually time left to see something. Why do most temples close around 4pm?
They could get rid of the problem by chasing away the scammers (and arresting or fining them), but this is Thailand!
Bangkokbois said:
More likely they’d arrest the touri who fail to fall for the scam.
Ya know the monks get up with the sun to make their alms rounds – 4pm is getting a bit late for them.
Andy said:
Thank you for your funny and informative blog and the many helpful advice! It is also a funny way to extend my (poor) english vocabulary.
I tried to read the blog entirely before my first visit to thailand but didnt accomplish that – there are to many pictures of hot guys who distracted me 🙂
By the way,
you can still be victim of adapted scam 2.0:
You only need to believe the woman who is standing directly under the speakers and is repeating the opening hours in a semi-official manner only to add “grand palace is open but today is buddha day and therefore many buildings are inaccessible, so visiting today would make you only be disappointed”.
Bangkokbois said:
Thanks Andy.
I’m not sure if using my blog to practice your English is the best idea in the world!
🙂
Bug thanks for the update on the Grand Palace Is Closed scam!
God I love Thailand!
Andi Cheok said:
I am in the midst of the oldest BKK con… my bar boy friend sends me a love msg everyday at 4pm… lolx…
in the mean time… any idea where can I start sourcing for a buffalo ?… lolx…
Bangkokbois said:
🙂
I’d ignore the possibility it’s a scam and enjoy the ride. At least until the buffalo rears its ugly head!
Andi Cheok said:
well… already enjoyed riding him few weeks back in BKK… ha ha…
coming family trip in Oct… might not have a luxury for a ride… haiz…
picking a point in your blog… although tickets and hotel are all booked and confirmed..
I am very vague about my actual arrival date to him… he is dead set to meet us at the airport… good or bad ?
Bangkokbois said:
Um, maybe he’s in love?
More likely he wants to secure his customer before you see some other hottie for rent.
Andi Cheok said:
well.. I think you are right on curing customer part…
he knows one of his mates in X Boys appeals to me as well… and I also told him I have the hots for classics “cap boy”…
which brings me to thinking… for this coming trip… how to sneak away from my family to off either… ha ha…
den I can qualify to be a butterfly?
Bangkokbois said:
Yup, butterflies are free – and never let a bar boy meet them at the airport!
Andi Cheok said:
noted… never meet a bar boi at the airport…
now must start planning how to sneak away from the family… at least fir one of the nights… hmmm….
need to start researching for short time hotels…
Bangkokbois said:
No worries, all the bar boys know where the short time hotels are.