naked chef

My compliments to the chef.

Ah, Damn! And I missed the perfect Mother’s Day gift by a week . . .

Tired of whipping out your favorite recipe only to discover you are out of one of the main ingredients? Well that little frustration is a thing of the past thanks to a new cookbook, Natural Harvest – A Collection of Semen-Based Recipes. No more coming up short no matter how short you may be; your basic ingredient is always at hand. Or maybe that’s hands.

Author Fotie Photenhauer, who gets a lot of excuses why people can’t come to his dinner parties, hopes to change the way people view semen as a food source. “Semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties,” he says. “Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic.”

Photenhauer hopes that once cooks overcome their initial hesitation they’ll discover how wonderful semen is in the kitchen. “Semen is an exciting ingredient that can give every dish you make an interesting twist,” he says. “If you are a passionate cook and are not afraid to experiment with new ingredients – you will love this cook book!”

Natural Harvest

Full of instructional photos, be careful not to get the pages stuck together.

The 61 page softbound book, available from Amazon, is filled with delicious recipes for those who prefer to swallow rather than spit. The premise of using man’s natural ingredient in cooking may incite your gag reflex, but try a few of the recipes and you’ll be forced to swallow your misconceptions about adding a dollop of protein to your menu. The triple chocolate semen cheesecake alone will bring an orgasm to your mouth.

Also available in Ebook format for those who want to heat up their Kindle, recipes include fresh new ideas for appetizers as foreplay, pastries that ooze with sweet love, cock sauces for your cocktails, and hints on how to make your flan not quite so bland. The international recipes in the book can be enhanced by obtaining your basic ingredient from a friend of the appropriate race; an amigo’s donation of a bit of his special sauce will surely spice up your huevos rancheros.

For a mere $24.95 you can ensure that at the next potluck dinner you attend your signature dish will truly have your signature in it (not suggested for parties attended by large numbers of lesbians). And when your friends rave about your cooking and ask for the recipe, just pick out the hottest guy and offer a little one-on-one cooking instruction ‘cuz you can never have too much semen in your diet.

semen coffee

You can always find an Irishman to add the cream to your coffee.

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