Today is St. Patrick’s Day, the day each year when everyone is a little bit Irish. Which is entirely appropriate since according to the World Map of Penis Size, the Irish are just a wee bit green with envy about the rest of the worlds’ manhood. Infamously known as ‘the Irish Curse,’ the lack of being able to measure up for Irish men has always surprised me; some of the biggest pricks I’ve known have been Irish.

More importantly, lots of straight boys drunk on green beer will be out and about and they make for easy pickings. Do your best to give them a St. Patrick’s Day they won’t forget. As hard as they may try to. To get you in the mood (though I doubt any of you really need my help) here are some holiday hotties demonstrating the proper technique in the wearing of the green: