“Sometimes you feel like a nut. Sometimes you don’t.”

Sure roses are the more traditional Valentine’s Day gift, but even the diabetic on your list will smile over a box full of quality chocolates. Breeders can get away with a box of Whitman’s Samplers from Walmart; no one expects them to have taste or a sense of refinement. But gay guys can’t get off that cheaply. We are expected to exhibit both superior taste and creativity. Since we are also supposed to be obsessed with dick – proving some stereotypes are in fact true – that makes romantic gift selection an easy chore. And what better way to say I love you than with a piece of chocolate molded into the shape of what you really love about your guy?

Top, bottom, or versatile (that’d be confused), we got ya covered. Forget cupid’s arrows, we all know that the quickest way to a man’s heart is by mainlining sugar. Provide that shot in the form of chocolate and you’ll win his heart. Do it right and you’ll get the better parts of him too.

“The sweet you can eat between meals without ruining your appetite.”

The latest offering from UK based edibleanus.com makes the perfect valentine’s gay gift that not only says ‘I Love You’, but ‘Eat Me!’ too. The British chocolatier believes making chocolate is an art, and they decided to go with the Mapplethorpe school. Using rings of succulent, sinfully rich Belgian chocolate, as dark as a convict’s soul, they’ve crafted indulgent confections cast from the delectable posterior of the world’s reigning butt model to produce a mouth-watering treat that’ll take your loved one to edible anus heaven.

The perfect little erotic gift, the three-pack of sumptuous luxury chocolates handmade in England contains one milk chocolate, one dark chocolate and one white chocolate prailine delicately shaped like a perfect little rosebud anus to help you spread your love this Valentine’s’s Day. And at a mere $10.00, it’ll be one of the cheaper and sweetest rim jobs your true love will ever experience.

“One of Life’s Little Rewards”

If it’s the thought that counts but you are concerned about the calories being counted, they also offer a limited edition version of their edible anus chocolates in silver. Using 55 grams of hallmark silver, each precious anus is individually engraved and comes in a presentation box fit for a king. Or queen. Though you may need to dip into the royal treasury for the sterling version, they run a whopping $400.

Not into bodacious butts? You can still satisfy your sweet tooth by going with an outie instead of an innie. And personalize your Valentine’s Day gift at the same time. Guaranteed to make your honey’s heart melt with a product that will melt in his mouth and not in his hands, the Chocolate Clone-a-Willie Kit – available at Amazon.com and all erotic gift sites on the internet – allows you to make a totally edible Melt & Mold Milk Chocolate copy of your penis. Deliciously erotic, amazingly detailed, and life-like depending on whether you use white, dark, or milk chocolate, the chocolate cock making kit includes everything you need to replicate your best feature. Now your lover can enjoy deep throating his favorite thing about you even when you are not around.

“A Little Nutty . . . And A Lot Tasty.”

The only drawback to the Clone-A-Willie Kit is that it evidently is made in China. One reviewer of the product on Amazon noted: If your penis is longer than 3 inches, better buy two! Once I endured all the stress of prepping, the manufacturer hadn’t even provided enough gel to accommodate even a less than average tool. One of the most frustrating experiences of my now apparently privileged life.

So open wide for your sweetest Valentine’s Day yet, and remember: “Don’t let hunger happen to you.”

“There’s no wrong way to eat a Reese’s”

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