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The hunky, and no longer gay, Jeremy Renner.

The hunky, and no longer gay, Jeremy Renner.

Having just posted a humongous article about all of the hot closeted celebrities who will be coming out this year, it may be a bit soon to be revisiting the topic. But then I didn’t mention Jeremy Renner in that post. Because he’s already out. Or was. Seems since his star has grown brighter, the closet door swallowed Jeremy once again. But since there is a recent tie-in with Thailand, not to mention his recently released ambiguously gay duo flick with Tom Cruise, it seemed a good time to give you some background on why Google’s predictive results adds ‘gay’ to his name when you type it in the search box.

First though, in case you missed it, Jeremy was visiting Phuket this week and one of his posse was attacked at a local bar with an axe. Last Wednesday morning, Jeremy and his entourage, including the 31 year-old hottie GM of Sri Panwa Resort, Wan Vorasit Issara, were bouncing from bar to bar in Phuket Town when things turned ugly about 4:30 a.m during their visit to the Rachada Pub. According to reports, Vorasit dropped a glass on the floor, which was the cause of a bloody brawl; six bar employees jumped Renner and his posse. Vorasit was stabbed in the stomach with a knife and slashed in the neck with a homemade battleaxe fashioned from a motorcycle brake disc. A patron in the bar maintains that Vorasit was drunk and arguing with the bar staff before being attacked.

Initial reports said that Renner had suffered injuries during the brawl, however Vorasit set that record straight in an interview from his hospital room; “We pushed Jeremy to safety as soon as the fight broke out.”

Jeremy Renner attacked in Phuket

Phuket’s new police chief held a press conference to show off the six bar employees who attacked Renner’s posse and are now being held on attempted murder charges.

The six staff members involved in the attack were arrested and charged with attempted murder while the venue, which was open after official closing time, has been closed for the next sixty days pending further investigations. Rachada Pub owner Sawat Prueksakij, has reportedly apologized personally to Vorasit, vowing to assist police in their investigation. “We have had some conflicts before, and we have a strict policy of ensuring that people entering the pub are of legal age and are not carrying weapons, but we have never had staff harming patrons,” he said during an interview.

Maj Gen Chonasit, Phuket’s new police chief, held a press conference, typically Thai, to offer the world’s media visuals of the arrested pub employees and the weapons used in the attack. During the press conference, one of the suspects began to offer his version of the events that led up to the fight. He was quickly silenced by Chonasit.

Phuket's Sri Panwa Resort

Jeremy can afford to stay at the pricey Sri Panwa Resort in Phuket, but can’t afford a girlfriend.

Renner, the former diehard theater actor who made the transition to the big screen in the late ’90s, had been in the Philippines filming the latest instalment of the Bourne film franchise before flying to Thailand for a brief holiday at the swanky Sri Panwa Resort, perched high atop Cape Panwa, where a one bedroom villa goes for just over $1,000 a night. The resort’s acclaimed amenities include Baba Nest which was voted the third best beach bar in the world by CNNgo in 2011. Perhaps its lack of ladyboys was the reason Renner and his gang headed into Phuket Town for their tour of dive bars.

Ya gotta feel sorry for Jeremy, new to the Kingdom and with those odd, long, weird Thai place names, he mistook the Rachada Pub in Phuket Town for the smattering of gay clubs in the Ratchada area in Bangkok. Jeremy was out for a night of fun with a Thai bar boy and found Phuket’s unique brand of hospitality instead.

“Jeremy who?” was the question on everyone’s lips when he was nominated for an Oscar for The Hurt Locker, quickly followed by, “Oh, the gay guy” when it turned out the former makeup artist had brought his mother to the Academy Awards. The excruciatingly long, um, hug, he gave to ‘maybe not straight’ co-star Anthony Mackie upon hearing their movie named as the winner might have had something to do with that too. Granted, it was not quite the statement that Angelina Jolie made during her Oscar win when she slipped her brother some tongue, but then when you are getting your freak on with Billy Bob Thorton a bit of incest seems tame in comparison. Which is why I’ve paid no attention to rumors that Brad Pitt is gay; only a straight man would go where Billy Bob Thorton’s cock has been before.

Jeremy Renner is not gay

Renner’s acting career got its start with his lead role in the film Dahmer, a fictionalized retelling of the life of the serial killer who also was not gay.

A year later, more media-savvy and at the Academy awards again, up again for Best Supporting Actor, Renner, who once again brought his mom as his date, didn’t win and didn’t get to go gay on one of his co-stars. But did take time out on the red carpet to share a quiet moment and a long embrace with Kevin Spacey. Who everyone knows is also not gay.

The 40 year old never married actor, ignoring the existence of his um, ‘partner’ of five years with whom he lives recently gave an interview to Details magazine stating that prior to hitting the big time he was too broke to date women, and now that he is a box office draw, he’s too busy to date women. That’s the problem with gay guys trying to justify never being seen in the company of fish. They don’t get the straight guy mind-set. Too broke? Too busy? Sorry J, to straight guys it’s all about the pussy.

Back when Jeremy was the only one who thought he might be straight, a former acting coach said in an interview, “I have never had the pleasure of meeting Jeremy’s boyfriend, but the fact that Jeremy is gay has never been a primary concern.”

No Jeremy! That's the fat Chan, wait for the buffed Chan before you tap his ass!

Renner, who is not gay, gets a tad bit excited when Channing Tatum, who is also not gay, replies, “Sure I’ll go back to your room with you Jeremy.”

The rumors about Jeremy’s preference for men started soon after his first appearance at the Academy Awards when an investigative reporter happened upon an article published the year before announcing the sale of a Hollywood home by Renner and Kristoffer Winters, a fellow actor who had a small part in The Hurt Locker. Turned out Winters plays a much bigger role in Renner’s life. And heart. But now that Renner is trying to close the barn door after the horse got out, Winters has moved from ‘boyfriend’ to ‘business partner’ to ‘brother.’ Huh. Maybe Angelina’s love for her brother had more of an impact than originally assumed.

As for those vile rumors that Jeremy and Tom Cruise were busy diddling each other while filming their recently released movie: bullshit. Both are obviously true bottoms and that makes that coupling a Mission Impossible. Sure, Tom bought some motorcycles and took Jeremy out for a romantic bike ride through Prague during the filming of the movie. And no one should read anything into Jeremy’s constant gushing about how charming and handsome Tom is. Instead we should all wish Jeremy the best of luck with his new found heterosexuality and hope that his fondest wishes do come true. The most likely to be the one most recently expressed when during a interview to promote Mission: Impossible: Ghost Protocol, Renner said, ‘When I grow up, I want to be just like Tom Cruise.’

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