We’ve already taken care of a holiday gift for your boy in our first 2011 Holiday Gift Guide post, but what about the grumpy expats you’ve befriended while in Thailand? Sure a lump of coal would be most fitting, but Customs may question why your suitcase if brimming with that stuff so better to pick up an alternative gift.

At first glance it may seem this is a difficult task, retirees from frozen lands living in The Land of Smiles must surely have everything they could possibly want or need. But if that were true, they wouldn’t all be so cantankerous. In reality, most retired on too small of a pension and can only afford an occasional night with the boy of their dreams, the very reason they settled in Thailand in the first place. The perfect gift then, is something they need, something of use, something their budget may not provide for.

As children we were all less than thrilled at the pair of socks given as an Xmas give every year from our maiden aunt. Those memories make us shy away from giving gifts that are usable but mundane. But there is one product every expat needs and uses as frequently as he can: yup, you’ll receive effuse thanks if you fill your expat friends’ stockings with that little blue pill. It’s the gift that just keeps giving. At least for a few hours.

The gift of wood is appreciated anytime during the year, but even more so during the holiday season when expats have donned their gay apparel and headed out for a night of ogling the bar boys they’ve been saving up for all year. Nothing will put a dampener on their night’s festivities quicker than having paid out the coin of the realm for the pleasure of some pleasure to look down and find they’re unable to rise to the occasion. Bah Humbug indeed. But thanks to your thoughtful gift of the magic blue pill, concerns over being a Tiny Tim can be relieved.

Shopping on a budget? No problemo. Most of your sexpat friends are too old to remember if they had an orgasm or not, so pick up your gift supply of V at a reduced price on the streets wherever touri gather in Thailand. Since their bar boy d jour will be faking an orgasm anyway, there’s no reason you should go broke helping them fake an erection. Or better yet, since the holiday season is all about traditions, skip the chemical version of a sexual pick me up, and pick up some traditional Chinese Horny Goat Weed instead.

Recently, researchers in Italy reported that an ancient Chinese herbal remedy known as “horny goat weed” shows potential as a natural aphrodisiac for treating limp dick syndrome (aka erectile dysfunction). In the study, scientists studied herbal extracts reputed to improve sexual performance by exposing them to an enzyme that controls blood flow to the penis and whose inhibition results in an erection. Of the extracts tested, “horny goat weed” was the most potent inhibitor of the enzyme.

The researchers at the University of Milan found that by modifying the active ingredient in Horny Goat Weed they could obtain a derivative with effects similar to Viagra that produced fewer side effects because it targeted the protein more precisely than the little blue pill.

According to legend, the sexual healing properties of Horny Goat Weed were discovered by a Chinese goat herder who noticed increased sexual activity in his flock after they ate the weed. It is sold under its botanical name, Epimedium, as a health supplement; usually in raw herb, tablet, or capsule form. And costs a quarter of the price of Viagra. Used in China for over 2,000 years, Horny Goat Weed has been proven to enhance the sexual satisfaction of users in 60 percent of healthy male users and 45 percent of men using Viagra.

An inexpensive holiday gift that is sure to be appreciated, for under ten bucks ewe can help turn a billy goat gruff into a happy and horny old goat once again capable of spreading his wild oats.

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