I am not obsessed. Regardless of how it may seem. But here I am posting a third entry about dildos on planes. It’s not my fault, the news just keeps coming in. I’m not obsessed, the rest of the world is. But this should be my last post on the subject because the Transportation Safety Administration (TSA) has weighed in on the matter.
Turns out the TSA wants flyers to be happy. Or at least sexually satisfied. And has no problem with passenger use of sex toys on planes. The agency has provided guidance on how you can, and can not, take off on your next flight.
TSA spokesman Nico Melendez says that the agency has no problem with passengers bringing their favorite toys on board with them. The TSA is cool with dildos. And with vibrators, too. Even whips, chains, leashes, restraints and manacles are okay. A bottle of water, of course, is a different story. God knows what nefarious purposes a passenger might have in mind with that potentially dangerous item.
But size-queens take note: “Anatomically correct ‘cylinders’ of roughly a foot or so in length,” says Melendez “would fall within the broad category that includes billy clubs, black jacks, brass knuckles, numchucks and martial arts weapons. All of those items are okay in checked luggage but not in carry-on luggage.” So you can travel with your buddy, as long as he is not a big boy. “We would call that a baton-like item,” said Melendez. “It could be considered a weapon.”
Ah! You’ve met my little friend!
Yup, even the TSA believes size matters. And the size the agency deems safe is seven inches or less. Dildos and vibrators of that size are considered tools by the TSA and may be brought aboard in carry-on luggage. Any law-abiding citizen has the right to carry their tool onto an airplane. Of course, everyone else at the security checkpoint may know just how important your sex life is to you. “Inspectors inspect,” Melendez says. “If you don’t want us to see it, don’t bring it.”
Melendez advises that passengers could save time with a little common sense. Inspectors are doing their job. They are trained professionals and they know a vibrator when they see one. They will not confiscate a dildo. But they are trained to pay attention to electronic devices. And weapons. Being nervous is counterproductive. Inspectors are trained to spot nervous passengers, resulting in extra scrutiny and more nervousness.
Carol Queen, a sex expert and lecturer based in San Francisco says, “Vibrators and dildos are not the problem. Shame about sex toys is the problem.”
“If an inspector asks you about what you’re packing, look him in the eye and tell him it’s your vibrator,” Queen advises. “There’s no reason to be embarrassed.” Unless perhaps, you are travelling with your mom. Though having your mom lay claim to the tool in question may be even more embarrassing.
“Vibrators are common. Dildos are mainstream,” adds Queen’s cohort Mike Korcek. “They sell vibrators at Walgreens. You can’t get more mainstream than that. Remember, dildos and vibrators have been around longer than airplanes.”
Avoiding problems with security takes a little common sense. Batteries should be removed from vibrators before arrival at the airport. Lubricants must conform to the 3-1-1 rule – plastic bottles no larger than 3 ounces in size may be carried aboard in a single clear 1-quart plastic bag. That rule is being enforced less and less these days, but is still the law. And seriously, if three ounces of lubricant isn’t enough for your in-flight entertainment, you probably have larger problems than concerns over what the TSA thinks of your junk.
International travellers should also consider the customs and sexual practices of the countries they are visiting. Although sex is practiced in all countries of the world, in some how you get off is strictly regulated. You may find, for example, in certain Middle Eastern countries – possibly even in Thailand – your sex toys may be confiscated. But that should just clue you in to how many sexually frustrated guys are boarding your plane. Scoring frequent flyer points in the Mile High Club with a live partner should help alleviate your sorrow of having your best buddy taken away at the gate.
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