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As the years pass I try to avoid becoming yet another grumpy old codger, complaining about the state of the world and telling one and all – or anyone who will listen – how much better things used to be. So I try to give today’s youth a break instead of shaking my head at their collective stupidity, lack of brains, and poor taste in music. We were all young once. And we all made mistakes. Some of us learned. Some of us continue to be as ignorant as we were at sixteen. And some of us still try to date eighteen-year-olds. But a rant about the kids of today, or about grumpy old farang, is not the purpose of today’s post. Instead I’ll share with you what I’ve always thought is a cute story about a friend of mine in Hawaii.

My buddy and running partner Dave, who you’ve met on these pages before, married a local girl in Hawaii, Kim. Who came complete with a ready made family. Which was cool by Dave since he got to avoid the joys of diaper changing. And the kids, his new family, had all reached puberty too, so he also got to avoid that whole mine field. But they were all still young enough they needed parental guidance, wise advise from an elder to help them learn how to deal with what the world might throw their way.

Growing up in the islands doesn’t exactly prepare you for the world beyond Hawaii’s shores. No problemo if you will live your life on Gilligan’s Island, there’s a built in fail safe community of friends and relatives. You need not master even the most basic of life skills, or even bother to learn simple English. Neither is required for a happy life in Hawaii. And that’s okay. A life spent in paradise is nothing to complain about. But if you want the opportunity of success outside of the Aloha State, a basic knowledge of how the world works is required. At the very least.

Dave took to his fathering duties with a passion. And he wanted his kids to have a chance at succeeding at whatever they desired to do in their lives. Having not had a father during their formative years, it was an up-hill battle. But he did his best, taking any and every opportunity to school them in the game of life. Kimo, the oldest boy, was a senior in high school. Good at athletics, popular with the girls, like a lot of local kids he spent most of his time at the beach waiting for the perfect wave. Off the beach, he had the intelligence level of a jellyfish. He may have mastered the difference between a green light and a red one, but that was about the extent of his knowledge of anything that did not have to do with the ocean.

Teenage guys have yet to perfect their sense of style, an accomplishment many guys never manage to master. That’s why so many straight guys are dressed by their wife. In Hawaii, kids live their lives in a pair of shorts. Occasionally a shirt gets thrown on if attending a dress-up affair. In Hawaii, it is quite possible to reach your senior year in high school having never even worn a pair of shoes. Kimo’s senior prom was coming up, he needed a tux, and Dave decided he’d help him and at the same time teach him how to go about choosing and renting one.

The selection process was going along fairly well. Just a minor glitch over Kimo not having brought a pair of socks along to try on shoes. But then being Hawaii, that wasn’t an uncommon obstacle and the tux rental store owner smoothed things over with a loaner pair. Being a teenager, Kimo kept trying on suits of various pastel colors. Dave, to his credit, let the kid exhaust his choice of blues and oranges before suggesting a rather boring black number. And then surpassed the efforts of most parents by getting Kimo to agree he looked a whole lot of a hell hotter in a classic tux than in the chartreuse one he’d been eyeballing. Senior Prom is a big thing in a kid’s life. Why parents allow their child to pick out an outfit that will cause years of embarrassment over their senior prom picture is beyond me. But maybe those years of embarrassment are a payback, so maybe that lack of direction makes sense. Not having kids I often forget one of the joys of parenthood is the psychological scars you can inflict on your offspring over the years.

bad tux

Why do parents allow their kids to dress like this for their senior prom? Oh, right. So you can laugh at them for years to come.

After being measured for size and picking out a bit of bling to jazz up and personalize the staid tux, the store owner passed over the tux rental form for Dave to complete. That would have been the easy option, but Dave wanted Kimo to learn so he handed the form and a pen to the kid and let him take a stab at it. When Kimo finished filling it out he handed it back to Dave to check:

Name:
Yup, first, last, legible. Good job. So far, so good, and Dave was happy.

Address:
Numbers and letters, always a tricky combo, but again the kid did good.

Phone:
Wow! Cell and home numbers without being asked; damn this kid’s on fire!

Event:
Well, ‘Senior Prom’ was a bit generic, but this was Hawaii, from the zip code alone they’d know which school it was. So thumbs up again.

Date:
Leilani.

Lol. And he’d been doing so good! But ya know, there was some logic at work there. Dave corrected Kimo’s error and immediately began spreading what has always been one of my favorite stories. Kimo had a great time at his prom, I’m sure Leilani did too. I still see Dave and his family a few times each year. And whenever I see Kimo, I ask him for the date. And he always flips me off. How to handle a smart ass is something you learn at an early age, even in Hawaii.