First they got Gingrich. A wasted effort, his own actions having already newtered his campaign. Then they got T-Paw, possibly driving the last nail in the coffin he’d constructed by failing to man up, peeing his pants instead of capitalizing on his coined phrase of Obamni-Care – what could have been his campaign’s rallying cry – and running away from a Mormon while proving his book Courage To Stand is a work of fiction (though his was an excellent display of multi-tasking skills). And most recently gay activists shot their wad by creaming that bat shit crazy woman running for the Republican presidential nomination. No, not Sarah Palin, the other one.

The Republican crazies are in full feeding frenzy, already vying for their party’s top spot in the 2012 elections. And gay activists have answered their mating call with a new campaign trick: the glitter bomb. Not quite as satisfying as the traditional pie in the face, the new version of showing derision has captured the attention of the media. Newt’s bombing got widely reported and made it to YouTube, the video of the event drawing larger numbers than his attempt at being crazy cool by using the internet to announce his campaign. Which is no more. As soon as he gets the memo.

Former Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty’s bombing was well covered too. But that was largely due to America’s already growing fascination with watching his campaign’s meltdown thanks to his lack of a show of balls at the second First Republican Presidential Debate held last Monday night.

In an effort to answer the question of what in the hell is that crazy bitch doing on stage, Minnesota Congresswoman Michele Bachmann used the same televised debate to announce she’d filed her candidacy papers earlier that day, the announcement of which lead everyone watching the program to wonder what in the hell that crazy bitch was doing on stage. But her campaign became official on Saturday when she became the third Republican hopeful to get bombarded with fairy dust.

All three candidates’ position on gay rights is just slightly left of Hitler’s, and each certainly deserved being honored with a small dose of public humiliation. But the gay activists responsible for these acts made a serious mistake. First, they blew a media-ready response to the politicians’ anti-gay leanings in an act of premature ejaculation. Newt was already an also-ran, and T-Paw’s suicide attempt on national TV had already sent him packing. Sure Ms. Bachmann is still a viable candidate – a scary thought in its own right – but the actual nomination is still over a year away and the glitter bomb act is quickly becoming passe. Second, the crop of currently declared candidates have already proven, again and again, they are quite capable of humiliating themselves in public, thank you. They do not need gay activists’ help. The effects of a little glitter thrown their way is nothing compared to the result of anyone of them opening their mouth.

Sarah Palin, who has yet to make her run for the money official, set the bar for Republican candidates when it comes to showing just how stupid they can be. Her most recent gaffe was an attempt to recount Paul Revere’s famous ride, her version a muddy tale of ringing bells and a warning to the British that they’d have to pry our guns from our cold dead fingers (Former Governor Palin gets most of her knowledge of world and historical events from reading bumper stickers). Tea baggers love to drape themselves in the faded glory of America’s Revolutionary War. You’d think they would at least review the third grade history text Cliff Notes on the subject. Palin’s fellow crazy woman, Bachmann, took the first stab at recreating 1775 last March when she announced at a speech in New Hampshire that the ‘shot heard around the world’ had occurred in Lexington and Concord two great cities of that state . . . that the citizens of Massachusetts had always mistakenly claimed as their own. An easy mistake to make as both State’s start with the letter l,m,n,o,p.

Front Runner, millionaire, and former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney, not to be outdone by the party’s bitches, inserted his own size twelve on Thursday when he told a group of out-of-work Floridians that “I’m also unemployed,” failing to mention that he’d be maintaining that status for quite sometime into the future. Mitt for brains failed to cinch his party’s nomination last time around and continues an up-hill battle, having to prove his crazy religious beliefs are crazy enough to satisfy the evangelical religious right who are busy duking it out with the just plain old fashioned crazy Tea Party movement for control of the Republican Party.

To be fair, Democrats, proving their belief in bipartisanship, have their own history of open mouth insert foot. During the 2008 election campaign, President Obama made mention that he’d visited all 57 states of the union, a gaffe the Republicans still point at with glee not realizing that he had not misspoke but rather had prematurely included Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan, Libya, Syria, Yemen, and Tunisia in the count. (No, you’re wrong. Just wait.)

President Obama and his party have taken a lot of flack over their less than stellar record on gay rights. It’s not that they are anti-gay, but more that their attitude is ‘yeah, we’ll get to it’. Fortunately, being the party currently in executive power, they’ll miss out on all the fun sure to generated by the Republicans during their race to oblivion. Until the Main Event the Democrats will have to be happy with playing with themselves. Though a new party leader will need to be found for that act now that Anthony Weiner has yanked himself out of the wet spot.

Hardball’s Chris Matthews predicted this week that Bachmann will win the Republican nomination which should concern the country’s gay and lesbian population greatly. She is a staunch supporter of the “You Can Run But You Cannot Hide” ministry, the brainchild of rabidly anti-gay Bradley Dean the ministry’s founder and chief evangelist, who was invited to give the opening prayer during the recent Minnesota legislative session thanks to Bachmann’s support. The prayer was so offensive in its anti-gay rhetoric that it was denounced by both Republicans and Democrats, and the house chaplain was asked to give another prayer immediately afterward. Nice. Our future president?

Don’t despair. And don’t count Sarah Palin out yet. She has repeatedly proven to be incapable of reading the writing on the wall, or on her hand. The real battle to come will not be Obama against whichever loser the Republicans choose, but between Palin and Bachmann as they duke it out for the title of Queen Crazy Mama. Think Dynasty. Think Crystal and Alexis in one of those knock down bitch fest free for all cat fights. That’s the debate I’m waiting for. And that’s the debate that will gain both ladies of the right a strong gay following. I predict lots more glitter in both of their futures.