No need to fire up your gaydar, the scientific community has already provided a surefire way to tell who is gay and who you’ll need to get drunk first. And it’s all about the finger. Not where you stick it, but how long it is.

An oldie but goodie study out of UC Berkeley from 2000 determined that gay men’s ring fingers were shorter than their index finger, the exact opposite of their straight counterparts’ hands.

According to Marc Breedlove, professor of psychology, who collected data on 720 people who attended three San Francisco Bay Area street fairs in the fall of 1999, the ratio of the index finger to the ring finger can indicate sexual orientation for both men and women. In the hands of men, the index finger tends to be shorter than the ring finger. And in the hands of women the index finger tends to be the same size (or slightly longer) than the ring finger. However, the opposite was true in gay and lesbian study participants (gay men’s index fingers are longer than their ring fingers, and lesbian’s index finger are shorter than their ring finger).

If you’re still claiming to be bi and want to find out your true leanings, lay your hand flat on a tabletop to determine how you fingers match up. Or, just ask your boyfriend.

This test, however, is not enough for the Czech Republic when determining the validity of asylum seekers who base their request on sexual orientation. The European Commissioner for Home Affairs has slammed the nation for its use of “phallometric testing,” which measures the flow of blood to a man’s penis to determine the physical reaction to pornography.

Nope, none of that ‘raise your hand if you’re gay’ crap for the Czechs, they want to see what else you can get up. Czech Interior Ministry spokesman Vladimir Repka said that the controversial machinery – nicknamed “peter meters” – have not been employed since 2009. “They were previously used to supplement other sexual diagnostic tests, and in the future we count on just using these,” he is quoted as saying.

But European Commissioner for Home Affairs Cecilia Malmstrom says the practice is still in use, calling it a “pure medieval method and a huge violation of the individual’s right to privacy,”

The Austrian-based European Union Agency for Fundamental Rights late last year reported on the Czech practice, stating that phallometric testing violates the European Convention on Human Rights as it “touches upon a most intimate part of an individual’s private life.” Not to mention upon a most intimate part of an individual.

They also objected to the use of the peter meter because “it is dubious whether it reaches sufficiently clear conclusions,” and noted bisexual people were unlikely to pass. And they have a valid point. Show me some porn filled with twinky little guys going at it and it’s doubtful my little friend will make a twitch. But the testing itself, however, sounds like it could be fun.

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