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Montri Hotel in the Days of JJ’s

Montri Hotel in the Days of JJ’s

I have a long history with the Montri Hotel in Chiang Mai. It was the first hotel I stayed at in Chiang Mai, a good twenty years ago. At that time, being generous, it was a dump. But it had a lot of pluses going for it too. Not normally the quality of hotel I’d stay at, for some reason it fit the city and it set the tone for hotels in Chiang Mai for me on future visits. I still tend to stay at lower end proprieties whenever I visit the city.

My first trip North was with my friends Ann and Char, a pair of dykes. A third lesbo we knew, Karen, was along for the ride. Ann had picked the place and booked our rooms. She’d done the same in Bangkok; there we stayed at The Mahattan. Hard to believe you could take a step downward, but the Montri managed to do just that.

The rooms were old and tired, the linens in need of replacement years ago. The decor was non existent and the ceiling fan was made from old jeep parts. The bathroom was small, smelly, tiled in a fashion popular in the ‘50s and the shower took a good fifteen minutes to cough up a bit of warm water. The bathroom was also one of those where the shower head is mounted a foot away from the toilet and sprays water over the entire room. You learned quickly to move the toilet paper out of the room before taking a shower in the morning.

But it was cheap. Under $15 back then. And the staff was friendly. Sitting in front of the Thapae Gate, it was a fixture in town and an easy landmark all the tuk tuk drivers knew well. Centrally located with plenty of restaurants in the area, it was but an enjoyable stroll into town for the Night Bazaar. Best yet, downstairs next to the lobby was JJ’s, a restaurant/bakery with incredibly fantastic pastries. That’s difficult to find in Thailand. Sugar is not mandatory for me in the morning like caffeine is, but it doesn’t hurt. JJ’s menu was extensive enough that we pigged out every morning and then got a slow start on the day because of it.

Travelling with women, even lesbians, opens you to a whole new world. On our first night in town after we’d retired for the evening, Karen came knocking on my door. She needed help. She needed a guy to move the bed away from the wall in her room. Earlier in the day she had hand washed a bra and hung it on the ceiling fan to dry. Returning to her room that night, not thinking, she’d turned the fan on and it pitched her bra against the wall where it slid down to become lodged behind the headboard. No problemo. Should have been the end of a forgettable moment but we relived the incident over sugar at breakfast the next morning. She was effusive in her thanks. Turns out that was her favorite bra.

chiang mai transportation

Transpo options abound in front of the Montri

“You have a favorite bra?” I couldn’t help but ask. I know guys tend to have a favorite T-shirt, one they’ve owned for decades and still prefer wearing, holes and ragged hem be damned. But a bra is more akin to a pair of briefs. I’ve never gotten attached to a pair of briefs. Unless they were on someone else.

“Well, yes,” she replied quite matter of factly. “ I have a separation problem and that one fits just right.”

Char chimed in that she too had a favorite bra and Anne confirmed she also was particularly fond of one of hers. I was still stuck on the ‘separation’ thing. And asked for an explanation. Seems her tits didn’t meet quite right and needed special support. Okay. TMI. Could have lived without knowing that. But since we were on the subject of breast problems, Char added one of hers was bigger than the other, which set Ann off describing her own boobies’ boo boos. Women. Most guys don’t even know if one of their balls is bigger than the other, and we certainly don’t discuss that fact if we do know. The closest we’ll ever get is a claim on length in regard to a nearby body part.. And then we lie. So whenever I think of Chiang Mai, I think of the Montri. JJ’s cafe. And tits.

Six months later I was back in Chiang Mai, this time with my running partner Dave. Dave had travelled the world with me and knew my tastes in accommodations. When we checked in to the Montri, he gave me a disbelieving look, “You gotta be kidding me!”

“No worries, wait for breakfast,” I assured him.

The next morning he agreed maybe the hotel wasn’t such a bad choice after all; hard to be grumpy when your system is full of sugar. I stayed at the Montri the next year with Ann and Char again, then moved off on subsequent trips to check out other cheap hotels in town. I stayed at the Downtown Inn on several occasions; won’t be doing that again. And tried a few different hotels along Loi Kroh Road. All were cheap, but none quite hit the mark of the Montri. And none came close to having a JJ’s in the lobby.

thapae gate bird feeding

Feed The Birds

A few years passed, I met my bar boy friend Noom, and ended up taking him to Chiang Mai for his first visit to the city. Of course, we stayed at the Montri. It was now a $30 a night hotel. They had upgraded both the linens and decor. And the ceiling fans were no longer army surplus. Like Dave before him, Noom was familiar with my normal choice in hotel and gave me a dubious look when we got to our room. The shower, by the way, still sprayed cold water all over the room. Unfortunately, JJ’s was no more and the new cafe, with outdoor seating, while stylish enough offered a breakfast you’d be better off passing on. A limited choice with everything but the toast floating in water. But Noom loved the location. He spent time each afternoon feeding the birds and fish on the plaza in front of the Thapae Gate. Sugary desserts had done it for me, fish food had the same effect on him. The Montri was the place to stay.

The town had changed, grown, and been upgraded too. Now there was a Sunday Night Market to browse, located right next to the hotel. And Tiger Kingdom had been built offering new wildlife to play with, the old elephant camps having been visited too many times before. We both had a good time and returned the following year for the Yi Peng celebration. But the Montri was fully booked. When we sailed past on our way to Raming Lodge, Noom was disappointed. The Montri had worked its spell on him. Chiang Mai just didn’t seem like Chiang Mai without it.

fish food vendor

Noom’s favorite Chiang Mai vendor.

Two years later I was back in Chiang Mai again, this time with a different pair of dykes on their first visit to Thailand. I’d learned from past expressions and prepared them for the hotel’s downscale ambiance. Upgrades had been done yet again; the bedding almost looked new and there was even a picture mounted on the wall, an attempt at room decor. The bathroom, however, retained its original flavor, function, and lack of hot water. But it’s location again won the day and the $35 a night rate made it a hit. Especially with Chris, another friend travelling with us who was notoriously cheap. Noom came along too and was happy to be ensconced in a room at the Montri again. The girls loved Chiang Mai. Much more than Bangkok. And didn’t get into a discussion about any problems they may have had with their tits.

Last year I planned on spending several weeks in Chiang Mai on my year-end trip. I had time to kill and a great desire not to return home until California warmed up. Naturally, I checked into staying at the Montri. But things have changed. Management finally decided to capitalize on the hotel’s location. And evidently felt their most recent renovations raised the old girl’s reputation to a higher level. Rooms were being quoted at $100 a night. In Chiang Mai. At the Montri! I passed.

I don’t know what they could have done to make the rooms worth that kind of money. The biggest change is in its name. It is no longer the Montri. Now it is the Hotel M. Pictures of their remodeled rooms look like they’ve cleaned the place up a bit and opted for a post-modern decor, lots of tans and browns laid out in a minimalist look. I’m sure they have not replaced the plumbing system, but it looks like they’ve enclosed the showers in glass. Double checking prices before publishing this post, the cheapest rooms are now listed at 4,000 baht. Even if JJ’s reopened downstairs, for Chiang Mai that is a ridiculous price. A shame, my ongoing relationship with the hotel has probably come to an end.

For my long stay in Chiang Mai, I tried a new place instead, The Mandala House, buried down a small soi off Loi Kroh Road. It’s still downmarket, but has a homey feel to it. It fits Chiang Mai. Close to everywhere I need to be in the city, the rates are reasonable, the staff efficient and friendly, the shower water stays within its space, and you only have to wait about five minutes for hot water. Best yet, downstairs next to the lobby is a small cafe that offers good dark rich coffee in the morning. And pastries. It’s my new home away from home in Chiang Mai. At least until it becomes the M House.