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gay arabians

A tale of two Arabian lovers.

Turns out not only is Osama bin Laden still dead, he was a pot head, porn addict, a fan of masturbation, and gay to boot. After reading the recent news that Osama liked boys almost as much as goats, I’d considered him as an honoree for Gay of the Week. But, ya know I did that Ken doll post awhile ago and really need to be careful about the type of reader I’m attracting to this blog. So Osama, and his penis, will have to stand on their own.

According to the bastion of journalistic integrity, The Globe, Osama’s five wives and goat herd were but a poor attempt to hide his lust for men (his bestiality leanings required no closet considering the annual Goat Beauty Pageant held in Saudi Arabia each year during which a steady parade of the world’s hunkiest goats take to the runway while poets recite odes in praise of the hotties over loud speakers).

goat exploitation

Now that’s some hot meat!

Sources tell the tabloid that it was an “open secret” among top al-Qaida officials that bin Laden had a sexual relationship with his “most trusted courier,” Abu Ahmed al-Kuwaiti, and that the United States has known of bin Laden’s sexual orientation for more than 20 years. A congressional aide tapped by President Reagan to help arm Afghan rebels against the former Soviet Union met with the world’s once most hated man near a Houston military base in 1987. The magazine quotes the aide – carrying on the long tradition of congressional aides offering their ass for their country – describing his meeting in the late ‘80’s:

“He was introduced to me as ‘Tim Osman,’ which was the name the CIA had assigned him. He had short hair, was clean-shaven and dressed in khaki cargo pants and a Polo sweater. He was traveling on a Turkish passport. We met to discuss the selling of U.S. Stinger antiaircraft missiles to Afghanistan.”

Downplaying the people we are now busy killing were our BFF just a few years ago, the Globe’s anonymous source went on to detail the ‘gay’ thing:

“Afterward, I took him to a restaurant where we shared a booth. His leg rubbed against mine, but I figured it was because he was so tall. When it happened a few times, I began to get the feeling he was hitting on me. Then he wet his lips and batted his eyelashes—and there was no doubt what he was after.”

Ignoring that batting your eyelashes at any man, even a gay one, will usually get you punched, the source goes on to say bin Laden asked where to find the Ripcord Club, Houston’s infamous leather boy disco. Mmmm, so Osama was a ‘mastermind’ but thought dressing as a gay yuppie to hit a leather bar was the way to go. But then you really can’t blame Osama for hitting America for a bit of man sex. Considering the outfits they have to wear, even the drag queens in his part of the world just don’t quite cut it.

gay arab

Abu Ahmed al-Kuwaiti, Osama’s boyfriend.

The Washington Post, a publication with a less stellar reputation than the Globe, reports the CIA has a Osama gay sex tape, but it turns out the video is but wishful and lustful stroking on the part of the America’s top spies. The paper’s Jeff Stein reports, “The agency actually made a video purporting to show Osama bin Laden and his cronies sitting around a campfire swigging bottles of liquor and savoring their conquests with boys.” His source, a CIA officer, chuckled at the memory adding, “The actors were drawn from some of us darker-skinned employees.”

Those CIA guys are such comedic wits! No mention was made of the ease in getting volunteers to enlist to star in the homoerotic film. So while America basks in the afterglow of death, the truth emerges. Osama got the eye job not because of his terroristic leanings, instead, Seal Team Six was carrying out justice on behalf of Saudi Arabia where homosexuality is a crime punishable by death. Goats are a different story.