President Obama Kills Two Birds With One Stone

Knowing that most people these days skip the regular, established news sources and head directly to this blog for the latest on world events, it is my responsibility to announce that Osama Bin Laden is dead, having been killed at his palatial estate in Pakistan by U.S. Navy Seal Team Six, my Saturday night fantasy date. (Oh, quit rolling your eyes. They may be the most macho of the macho, but they still are sailors and we all know what that means.)

Proving how easily they buy into the spin, most news agencies are concentrating their reporting on the killing of Osama. The bigger story, however, is all about politics. Right wing, left wing, or middle of the road I’ll take a stand based on the latest polls, anything and everything a politician does is suspicious making even an event as news worthy as Osama’s death ripe for questioning by political hacks, internet whack jobs, conspiracy theorists, and me. While the result is something I can get behind, the timing of the event and its announcement shows Osama’s death was just a happy by-product of a far more important political goal: killing off Donald Trump’s bid for top billing at the White House.

President Obama scored a major one/two bitch slap upside the head of presidential hopeful and ‘gee will he really do it’ possible candidate Donald Trump this weekend, starting with a handful of well-placed barbs during his speech at the annual White House Correspondents’ Association Dinner on Saturday night.

After a week when President Obama released his long-form Hawaii birth certificate, trumping Trump, he said the reality TV star could now focus on the serious issues. “Donald Trump is here tonight. And I know that he’s taken some flak lately. But no one is happier, no one is prouder to put this birth certificate matter to rest than The Donald.”

Drawing laughs and applause from everyone in attendance, except for Trump, he added, “And that’s because he can finally get back to focusing on the issues that matter. Like, did we fake the moon landing? What really happened in Roswell? And where are Biggie and Tupac?”

The results of a recent poll of Republican voters place Trump in the lead of presidential candidates, appearing to be the number one contender for Obama’s throne. Mitt Romney, the only realistic Republican candidate, is of little concern to the White House as he was beat bloody during his last attempt showing that even among the whack jobs of the right wing, a Mormon as president is just too demented of an idea to contemplate.

Demonstrating a surprising depth of political savvy, President Obama was not content with the result of his initial sucker punch this weekend and followed up with a well-aimed kick to the ribs by cutting into the last five minutes of Trump’s Celebrity Apprentice show. Delayed repeatedly after being scheduled for just before 8 p.m., the President’s nationally aired address announced that Osama was dead, with the not too subtle subtext to Trump, “You’re fired.”

Fox News, a bastion of right wing lunacy and the leading faux news channel, fired back by announcing that Obama was dead. Several times. A Fox news anchor in Washington declared, “President Obama, speaking from the East Room of the White House, telling the nation and the world: President Obama is in fact dead.”

Guess now that they can no longer attack his birth, they’ve switched over to the other end of his life. A simple gaffe, or wishful thinking, it’s unfair to hold Fox to any sort of journalistic integrity or accuracy: it is, after all, hard to tell one Muslim from another.

Not to be upstaged by an uppity no-name news anchor, Fox News Channel’s schizo Geraldo Rivera ‘accidently’ slipped up during his coverage of the event saying, “Obama is dead, I don’t care..”

Which pretty much sums up the country’s attitude toward Geraldo, his imbalanced mind and equally even style of reporting the news. Strike three was the foul ball landed by the Fox news channel in Sacramento who took the non verbal dyslexic approach of an on-screen text headline announcing ‘Obama Bin Laden is Dead’.

Trump, realizing that President Obama had spent the weekend making him his bitch, admitted the Correspondents’ Dinner was an entertaining event but chose not to strike back at the President, addressing his remarks instead toward comedian Seth Meyers, who like President Obama had ripped the Donald a new one during his remarks Saturday night. “I thought Seth Meyers, frankly, his delivery was not good. He’s a stutterer and he was having a hard time,” Trump said.

A crafty move by Trump to deflect the fallout from recent remarks he’s made that label him as a racist by instead choosing to make fun of people with speech impediments. President Obama responded to Trump saying, “Yeah, whatevers. I was busy killing Osama Bin Laden.”