“You want boy?” The sidewalk tout queries in a soft voice as you stroll down Suriwong. “Yikes!” You think, aghast that you’d been mistaken as a pedophile on the prowl. But before you start reevaluating your mode of dress and physical demeanor, realize that in Thailand, the term ‘boy’ does not mean an underage male but rather loosely covers any and all Thai men, especially those working the sex trade.

Yes, yes, a rose by any other name, and all that crap. I know it’s only a matter of perception, but the wide spread use of the word ‘boy’ to refer to the guys working in the commercial sex trade is rife with misconceptions.

I think the use of boy stems from it being the pairing to girl. And girls were the original prostitution offering in Thailand. No one thinks you mean a minor when you use the term girl. But ‘boy’ still, for many of us, carries the connotation of underaged guys. Maybe it’s just splitting hairs, but I’ve taken to spelling the word boi to separate it from the pedo-world use of the term. What’s important is to realize when you use the word boy in Thailand, you don’t mean a boy as in a minor. That’d be ‘young boy’. And if that’s what you are looking for, you should be shot. (Actually, cock ripped off and a hot poker rammed up your ass to start would be better, but I’m being nice here.)

Trying to find out the Thai definition of the term ‘boy’ is next to impossible. Ask 100 different Thais and you’ll get 100 different answers. Some use age, typically stating that 30 and under qualifies as a boi. I was told once that it is a matter of martial status: you are a boy until you marry, then you are a man. But I know plenty of bar bois with a wife back home who are still referred to, and refer to themselves, as boi.

Probably the most valid explanation I’ve heard is that within the bar industry every guy is called a boi. Regardless of age, martial status, or whatever defining event you care to use to distinguish the difference between a boi and a man. This also seems the logical explanation as the opposing ‘man’ usually doesn’t mean of a certain age, but rather sexual orientation . . . or at least sexual position. ‘Does he bottom,” I ask a local friend of a boi that strikes my fancy. “No”, he’ll reply, “He man.”

Years ago the word on the internet was that when referring to preferred sexual position the terms in use by the Thai bois were King and Queen. Don’t think I need to explain. But once in Thailand I discovered this was just some weird fantasy someone drummed up. None of the Thais I met had a clue what I was talking about. And for good reason. The King/Queen thing is like saying man or woman. It has nothing to do with a sexual position in that asking a guy if he’d be willing to be a queen just got you a blank look. To the Thai way of thinking, a ‘man’ doesn’t bottom (at least not often and never if it means his mates will know). So then, if the guy’s not a queen, cuz that term isn’t used, what is he if you’re looking for a bottom? Gay.

Yup. Forget all those years you spent in turmoil to finally be able to proudly proclaim you are gay. In Thailand, you may not be. If you ask my bar boi friend if I’m gay, he’d tell you “No, he man.” On the other hand a friend of some friends joining us on my trip last December was immediately identified as ‘gay’ by my Thai friend, as there was just something a bit soft about him (and yeah, turns out he was 100% a bottom).

So then ladyboys are gay, right? Nope. Fool. They’re ladyboys. That’s one of the few lables clearly understandable to all Thais. Trying to label anyone else is problematic because while Westeners love defining labels, Thais just don’t think that way. You are what you are. Thai guys are not straight, gay, or bi; they are flexisexual. Not being hampered by the confines of Christian, Jewish, or Islamic belief, if it is going to be fun, why not? That’s why so many of the guys working in the gay gogo bars are ‘straight’. It’s not that they are gay for pay, but rather selling their bodies to gay guys is an easy source of money, and there is an orgasm involved. And orgasms are fun. Got it?

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