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YEAR OF THE DRAGON

2012 is the Year of the Dragon

Today marks the beginning of Chinese New Year, the fifteen day celebration which is one of the three New Years celebrated in Thailand. 2012 is the Year of the Dragon, which is a lot cooler than the Year of The Rabbit just on general principles. But 2012 isn’t just any old Dragon year, it’s a water dragon year and that means in addition to it being a lucky year, there are some not-so-lucky aspects waiting for us too.

2012 is symbolized by two elements; with water sitting on top of earth (with the dragon being the earth element below). According to the cycle of birth and destruction which governs the interrelationship between the elements, earth is the destroyer of water and so they are on a destructive cycle and have a conflict relationship. Such conflicting elements usually mean the year will not be peaceful one. But the conflict between the two is less than that of the last two years, so things should be not quite as hairy in 2012.

The biggest danger is due to the water nature of the two elements, the total absence of the fire element, and their generally disharmonious relationship. 2012 is expected to be a year of destructive forces of nature. Historically, water dragon years have seen major earthquakes, floods, and tsunamis. And while the Mayan’s may have misread the signs predicting the end of the world on December 12, the strong presence of the two powerful water elements do foretell major earthquakes and flooding for the winter solstice this year.

year of the dragon

The Year of the Dragon was also Bruce Lee’s best movie. (Sigh.) And most of the world is gonna feel like it went one on one with Bruce this year.

But it’s not all doom and gloom. Dragon years are also all about good luck, good health, wealth, and prosperity. And the dragon keeps evil spirits at bay. So this won’t be the year Republicans take back the White House; whichever evil candidate they end up selecting is gonna get a double bitch-slap thanks to the Dragon and Obama (well okay, it’s really the dragon and their own inanity that will be to blame, but let’s throw the President a bone on this one, okay?).

The positive quality of the water dragon is that yang water is a generous element and a powerful driving force towards progress and social changes, so it will be an energetic year with new movements, changes, reform in politics and social establishment. Expect to hear lots from the Occupy movement.

But 2012 won’t be a good year for airlines, as the airline business is considered to be a fire element. You can expect disruption to flights and environmental problems in 2012 , and we may have more airline accidents when fire is under attack in months of June, July and October. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

So how is the year stacking up for you? It depends what the sign is for the year you were born. The Dragon is a rather powerful and headstrong sign, so there’s lots of conflict with other signs. Generally, those born in the year of the Rooster, Horse, and Rat can expect a harmonious relationship, and a peaceful year. The other nine signs, not so much. Here’s what you can expect, based on your sign, for 2012 lunar year:

year of the dragon

If you were born in the Year of The Rat, you might just as well stay in bed throughout 2012.

RAT.
People born in the year of the Rat might just as well stay in bed in 2012. It’ll be a ho-hum year, nothing exciting, nothing calamitous, just a bit boring. You might as well just phone it in.

The year of the Dragon is a good time for you to spend more time devoted to education, improving job skills, and placing emphasis on physical exercise; it’ll help prepare you for next year when there is a possibility that you might just have a life. 2012 is all about looking at long-term goals; achievements in short-term goals just ain’t gonna happen.

Patience is your virtue this year in all things, but especially in love. You may find your ideal partner in 2012, but the fireworks won’t be going off until next year. Same same with your health. No big problems for 2012, but pay attention to your cardiovascular system. And stay away from alcohol and tobacco to make sure no minor diseases crop up in the Year of Dragon.

year of the dragon

2012 will be a year to keep your head down and nose to the grindstone for people born in the Year of the Ox.

OX.
If you were born in the Year of the Ox, you’re gonna love 2012. Not because it’s going to be all that great of a year for you, but rather it’s gonna be just such a you kinda year: slow, plodding, head down, eyes forward . . . stick to what comes naturally and the year will run smoothly for you.

Career-wise there is a bit of conflict headed your way and the people you normally rely upon to help you will not be powerful enough to save your ass this time around. No worries, you’ll have things udderly under control if you just keep your mouth shut and do your job; eyes on the prize and all that kind of boring crap you rule your life by will save the day once again. Same with finances in general, no big windfalls or losses for you in 2012 as long as you play it straight down the middle of the road. Your love life, however, is a different story.

This year you are going to have to get off your ass and actually participate. Sure you’ve always been content in the past with someone giving you a hand-job, but that ain’t gonna work under the Dragon. If you are in a relationship, your partner is going to expect you to take care of his orgasm at least once this year, and if you are still playing the field, none of your usual not good/not bad sexual partners are going to be falling into your lap in 2012. You’re gonna have to actually do some work if you want any pleasure in your life this year. Of course, that’s gonna put you off your feed a bit, and the resulting bad mood may cause some minor illness related to your liver or stomach this year, but it won’t prove to be a serious problem.

TIGER.
Those born in the Year of the Tiger will be facing a busy, noisy and a challenging year in 2012. Control your temper, however, and this can be a very rewarding year for you financially. Your best business opportunities in 2012 will be out of town, and travelling will be necessary in order for you to bring home the big bucks.

But, remember that saying, ‘When the cat’s away the mice will play’? Well kitty, that rat you’ve been calling a partner is gonna take your absence from home as an excuse to go get a little something on the side. Hope he plays safe so you don’t catch something too.

Travel will also play a role in your health in 2012. You’ll need to be especially vigilant while on the road to avoid illness this year. Pay extra attention to the food you eat and the places you travel to with safety your primary concern so as to reduce the chance of injuries. At the same time, don’t play it too safe, risk will bring you reward this year and 2012 will be a great year for you to play the lottery.

year of the dragon

Born in the year of the Rabbit? ‘Nuf said.

RABBIT.
Born in the Year of the Rabbit? Then 2012 is all about percentages for you. Unfortunately, most are in the 50/50 range, so this is gonna be a scary year. Your biggest problem will be with work and/or business. Someone has their sights set on your little bunny tail and they’re packin’ a load of buckshot. Your goal in the business world in 2012 should be to survive. Forget growth, prosperity, or career advancement, just try and make it through the year.

Disputes will play a major role in your life in 2012, so avoidance is your best bet. Don’t borrow or lend money, don’t make any risky investments, and don’t get into business arguments. You won’t be fucking like a rabbit this year either ‘cuz you’ll be facing the same problem in your love life. You are looking at a year of miscommunication and mistrust whether you are in a relationship or out playing the field so expect to miss a lot of sex, too. But that ain’t necessarily a bad thing; you’ll need your stamina to make it through the year. Your energy levels are gonna be low thanks to all the emotional turmoil, and if you do get sick this year, you can expect a long recovery period.

year of the dragon

2012 is gonna be a tumultuous year for those born in the Year of the Dragon. The best advice is to watch your mouth . . . you know that always gets you into trouble.

DRAGON.
I hope you realize that being born in the Year of the Dragon for the Year of the Dragon is not a good thing. Right? Uh, huh, wiped that shit eating grin right off your face, didn’t I? Well 2012 is not gonna be a good year for you. If you play it smart and don’t make any mistakes, it won’t be disastrous either. But ya know, you’re a Dragon, so good luck with that.

Work-wise this year will be nothing but trouble for you from bosses and customers alike. Can the fire-breathing act and you just might live through it. You’re gonna have to put your nose to the grindstone and at least fake humility in order to survive in 2012. Your finances will be equally touch and go this year. There is a good chance you’ll do better than you did in 2011, but it’s gonna take major budgeting and a careful eye on your investments to obtain that goal. This is not your year to win the lottery; any risky investments are almost guaranteed to end in a loss for you in 2012.

And speaking of losses, your love life isn’t going to be pretty this year either. Because by nature you are such an opinionated cuss, disagreement and quarrels will rule the day in your relationships. If you are not in a relationship there’s not much chance of finding one this year so you’ll be better off sticking to one night stands, ‘cuz even those guys will barely be able to tolerate. Problems at work, concerns over money, and a sex life that sucks . . . expect depression to play a major role in your life during 2012. But it could be worse, you could have been born in the Year of the Dog.

year of the dragon

Legal troubles are in your future for 2012 if you were born in the Year of the Snake.

SNAKE.
For people born in the Year of the Snake, 2012 will all be about attitude. Yours. Reign it in and you can expect a good year. Don’t and you’ll be facing pain and humiliation. Be exceptionally careful in business to stick to the letter of the law to avoid lawsuits in 2012, and behave yourself. You don’t want to be busted, even Johnnie Cochran won’t want you as a client this year. Money will come easily in 2012, but don’t get greedy; it’s an easy year for you to be deceived on risky investments, and scams are just waiting for you to drop by for a visit.

2012 will not be a good year for your love life but will be great for your sex life: think fuck buddy, not soul mate. When you visit Thailand this year, go the butterfly route; falling in love is not in your future for 2012. Health-wise you’re gonna be drained often this year, so reserve extra time for rest and relaxation. And pay a bit more attention to food safety and sanitation: stomach and/or intestinal problems loom if you don’t watch out.

year of the dragon

Those born in the Year of the Horse can expect to be rode hard and put away wet in 2012.

HORSE.
2012 for people born in the Year of the Horse will be one where you’ll be rode hard and put away wet. But that’s a good thing. You’ll have good luck in business and see a major increase in wealth provided you work your tail off in 2012.

This is a good year to pursue career advancement or business expansion, opportunities for you abound. And you’ll have plenty of time to devote to work ‘cuz on the relationship side things aren’t going to go quite as well for you in 2012. If you are in a relationship, there’s gonna be lots of fighting and arguments and it may not survive the year. If you are looking for your soul mate, you are gonna have a lapse in judgement and pick the wrong guy. Fortunately, he won’t survive the year either. So this will be an unlucky in love year for you, but with all the money you’ll be making, who cares?

SHEEP.
2012 will be a good year for those born in the Year of the Sheep. Not fantastic, but good. If 2012 were an orgasm, for you it’d be a big sloppy pool of cum splayed across your partner’s chest. Not a wall damaging load shot across the room, but satisfying none the less.

Friends, co-workers, and acquaintances will be going out of their way to help you this year. And you’ll have numerous opportunities for advancement in your career. And in your bank account. It’s gonna be an easy year for you, and even though your expenses will increase, there is plenty money headed your way to cover them. 2012 is a good year for you to make lots of new friends, but if you are in or looking to be in a relationship, mind your p’s and q’s – it’s also gonna be an easy year for you to get into arguments. It’s all about friends for you in 2012, so make many, allow them to give you a hand, and you might just consider 2012 to be the year you should finally suck it up and try an orgy, or at least a threesome, on for size.

year of the dragon

Cupid will be shooting his entire quiver of arrows at those born in the Year of the Monkey come December.

MONKEY.
The good news for 2012 for people born in the Year of the Monkey is that come December, you’re gonna be fighting them off. This year the Rat month is gonna be one big continuous orgasm for you. The bad news is you may not live ‘til then. The gods have lined up a serious injury for you this year, so avoid fist-fights, dangerous sports, rigorous activities, and even unsafe traveling. Be especially careful while driving ‘cuz you are an accident just waiting to happen.

Other than that, you’re looking at a pretty good year. 2012 will present you with what will appear to be a dangerous business venture, but it will in truth be a golden opportunity, so don’t wimp out. 2012 will be a trouble and pressure free year at work, and you can expect good returns on your investments. If you are single, this is a good year for you to find your soul mate. But if you are already in a relationship, keep your eyes open: someone out there is planning on turning your partner into a country/western song.

ROOSTER.
If you were born in the Year of the Rooster, 2012 will finally be something you can crow about. The Rooster is kinda sucky sign, but everyone who’s made fun of that in the past is gonna be envious of you this year. You can expect prosperity, career advancement, love, and happiness to all be headed your way. Your chance to find a soul mate is high in 2012, and if you already have, it will be a harmonious and happy year for both of you. But watch your health; stress, anger, irritation or frustration can lead to illness in 2012 and sap some of the strength you’ll need to handle all of the opportunities coming your way. For you, it’s all good in 2012. And I hate you.

year of the dragon

Born in the Year of the Dog? The Dragon has a little message for you . . .

DOG.
You’ve heard the expression ‘sick as a dog’? Hate to break the bad news, but if you were born in the Year of the Dog, that’s gonna be your motto for 2012. Your sign lays at the heart of all the destruction and death headed for the world this year, and on a personal level it’s not gonna be any better. This year, you are truly and royally fucked. I wouldn’t want to be you in 2012.

This will be a good year for you to keep a low profile and play it safe in all aspects of your life. Hell, this would be a good year for you to find a deep hole, crawl in, cover your head, and hope the gods don’t notice you. Money is gonna be a problem this year, so down-size your spending and reserve some cash for emergencies. You’re gonna need it. 2012 will be a year of conflict for you; avoid arguments and fights because you are scheduled to play on the losing team.

This is not the year you’ll be finding your prince charming either. And if you already have, it’s gonna be a rocky road; think a 70/30 chance of your love affair not surviving the year. Your health will suffer this year too. Make sure you don’t engage in unprotected sex, and if you are feeling down or slightly ill for any period of time, go get a check-up pronto. This ain’t a year to be playing around!

year of tthe dragon

Blaming your weight problem on being born in the Year of the Pig ain’t gonna cut it in 2012. It’s time to lose some of that poundage.

PIG.
2012 will be a decent year for those born in the Year of the Pig. It’s a year when you’ll need to keep an optimistic, enterprising and positive mind; you will encounter difficulties this year, but someone will always appear to help you to overcome troubles, obstacles, and even misfortune. So undoubtedly Viagra will be playing an important role in your sex life this year.

If you are single, 2012 will also be the year to expect good luck in finding a mate. It’s hard for the Dragon to have a romantic relationship with any other zodiac sign; but the Dragon is a little pig-fucker, so this is your year to score. Take advantage of it, you won’t have the same opportunity next year.

Money will come and go in 2012, wealth will not grow quickly. People born in the Year of the Pig will need to slow down their investments and think twice before joining a new venture. And while you may blame your sign for that extra poundage you’re carrying around, 2012 is a good year for you to stop looking like such a pig. It’s time for a serious diet. Get rid of at least one of those rolls of blubber and you’ll have a healthy year; keep on eating on and you can expect to face some medical woes instead.

* Xin Nian Kuai Le! is Mandarin for Happy New Year! Which I’ve gone with in lieu of the more traditional Cantonese Gung Hay Fat Choy, which actually translates to “May you become prosperous.” Not that I don’t wish you all a prosperous Year of the Dragon. But I thought I’d show off my vastly superior knowledge of all things prosaic. Or what you can learn on Wikipedia.