If you’ve ever partied in Bangkok, you know it as a city that never sleeps. That’s the good news. The bad news is that in his continuing effort to make Thailand a happy place, The Good General has decided to set Bangkok’s alarm clock to 12am. For the next two weeks (kinda,sorta) at the stroke of midnight Bangkok’s party palaces will be turning into pumpkins. Short-time offs just became that much shorter as the ongoing police vs. military/government squabble for power and tea money claims its latest victim.
According to numerous bar owners and event organizers all nightlife and entertainment venues, parties, and events must adhere to the new midnight entertainment curfew which will last for about two weeks. The word came down from above early Wednesday morning when squads of army and police officials visited a number of nightlife venues to order them closed for the Maka Bucha holiday. Which, since by law all major Buddhist holidays are dry, was expected. That the curfew would extend beyond the actual holiday, not so much.
Trying to make sense out of governmental decreed closing hours have never been easy. That the new curfew has been spread orally with nothing appearing in writing just adds to that confusion. Nevertheless, the new normal appears to be a midnight curfew for most venues, and a 1am closing for those located in an ‘entertainment zone,’ with some splitting the difference and planning to shut their doors at 12:30am. ‘Cuz even the country’s government runs on Thai time.
Regardless of just when the party ends, the new curfew means Bangkok’s sex tourists will be left with less time to party down. And fewer hours to decide just who they want to get down with. That’s not a problem for fans of Pattaya. Both because the new curfew appears to not be spreading beyond Bangkok’s borders and because said fans have already perfected the art of limiting their wallet’s exposure to the ruinous expenses of achieving an orgasm. From ordering up a boy through a mamasan without setting foot in the bar (thereby avoiding a $3 drink charge) to waiting until a bar closes to grab a boy desperate for a customer (thereby avoiding the off fee and ensuring the lucky boy will perform for a minimum tip) the cheap bastards who help make Thailand’s Sin City what it is know a thing or five about saving some bucks when out for a fuck.
Obviously, if you spend your time in Bangkok instead you understand the value of a dollar. Which is about getting value for the dollars you spend instead of trying to limit the number of them you expend. ‘Cuz when it comes to your orgasm it should be about quality and not a fear of quantity. But with the new curfew in effect, considering the financial aspect of your night on the town can help ensure yours is not a case of diminishing returns. And doing so while remaining a bar boy half naked kind of guy, will help keep your attitude a positive one. ‘Cuz otherwise you’re gonna start whining about the shortened hours of fun caused by the curfew and that’s the first step down the slippery slope that leads to being just another disgruntled sex tourist in Pattaya. So here are a few tips on keeping your head up while out on the prowl for the perfect guy to share a bit of head with:
Time Is Money.
Sure there is a lot to be said about the joy of spending hours in a gogo bar watching a steady progression of boys getting naked and doing those things naked boys tend to do. But from strictly a financial point of view, those are wasted hours, hours you spend getting wasted that do little to add to your evening’s bottom line. Which should be about lining up the bottom you’ll spend the night with. From an ROI viewpoint, less is more. The less time you spend sitting in a bar, the more time you’ll have sitting on some hot Thai guy’s face. So don’t think of the new curfew as a restriction on the hours you can spend spending your hard-earned cash on drinks for pushy mamasans and boys you won’t be offing, think of it as The Good General helping you to realize the greatest return on the money you’re investing into getting laid.
The Early Bird Gets The Worm.
Granted, showing up at a gogo bar when it first opens makes you come off as a bit desperate. But then since you’re planning on spending your evening in a gogo bar, you probably are anyway. Still, being pigeon-holed as one of those pathetic punters who timed his Viagra intake poorly or whose system shuts down by 9pm regardless is never a good thing. No problemo. The boys know there is a curfew going on and if you set the fake Rolex you just bought at the night market ahead by an hour or two you can pretend you timed your arrival at a socially acceptable hour.
The plus in arriving early is that there will be many more boys to choose from. Not the bar’s stars mind you. ‘Cuz they don’t make their appearance until later in the evening when the bar isn’t just filled with cheap bastards trying to get the most out of their short-time off. But even with hours still in front of them to land a good customer, the boys who do come to work early will be desperately trying to avoid being offed by one of the usual crop of cheap bastard pathetic punters, and since you’re new to the early crowd scene they won’t have you pegged as belonging to that group. Yet. Score!
And as an added bonus, the boy you off probably showered just before coming to work so you can skip that step back in your hotel room and get even more naked flesh time in than you’d otherwise manage to achieve.
Fresh Boys Closed Due To False Advertising.
Bars on Soi Twilight come and go, but few went as quickly as Fresh Boys. Which was a shame. Had they lived up to their promise. ‘Cuz nothing is finer than a bar boy who hasn’t already serviced a half-dozen of your fellow sex tourists before you managed to get to him. Especially if you’ve ever spent an early evening at Dick’s watching the crowd that usually tends to hit the bars as soon as they open.
Personally, while I’m not generally concerned with how much a night in heaven costs, I think bar boys who’ve already made their evening’s tip a few times over should be discounted as the night wears on. Kinda like day old bread. ‘Cuz even with frequent showering, they start smelling a bit stale. But now that The Good General has decreed that you have to cum to the party earlier, boys whose freshness is past their expiration date are no longer a problem. Unless your preferred bar is Classic Boys. You’d think a bar with a ginormous water tank in it would mean a stable of boys constantly recently bathed. Nyet. But the chlorine does add to the bar’s ambiance, and at least you know whatever tropical skin diseases the punter who came before you attempted to pass on have been killed off. But I digress . . .
Short-Time Is The Right Time For Me.
It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to compute that a short-time off started earlier in the evening means a longer time of getting your rocket blasted off. But it take the wiles of a Pattaya sexpat to put a beneficial twist to the bar boy’s short-time refrain of, “You come, I go.” And there’s a lesson there to be learned.
When you off a boy at your usual hour (around 1am) whether it’s for a short-time or long-time off it’s a one-off too. Assuming you didn’t off two or more guys at once. But when you off that guy at 8pm instead, by 10pm you’ll find that you have time on your hands. When you’d planned on having your hands on something entirely different. Even with The Good General’s curfew in place, that still leaves you a few hours to slip into something more comfortable. Like another boy. Granted, stacking two or more short-time offs into one night won’t do much for the health of your bank account, but viewed as an evening of time well spent, it will put a healthy smile of your face.
Happy Endings Come In All Sizes.
No one likes to be rushed. Especially when it comes to the blood rushing to your little head. But there is something to be said for appreciating the short-time you have to spend with the man of your dreams. You quickly learn to appreciate the little things. Like the taste of his nipples. Or how his cock makes that cute little bend toward the right as it gets hard. When you have plenty of time on your hands and your hands are spending their time on him, it seems the night will never end, all good things will come to he who waits, and there’s no reason to try to squeeze the most out of your nocturnal hours together. Thanks to The Good General’s curfew that’s no longer a luxury you can afford. Now you have to cram every scintilla of sexual enjoyment into a much tighter space. If you’re lucky.
But even as the hours you have to fulfill your every dream lessen, there’s still more to be had. Living large while the curfew is in effect may force a change of habits, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. You’ll be less picky about the boy you choose since you have less time to spend choosing him. That means less time being indecisive while those who don’t suffer from the same infliction off every guy you were considering. And there’s even the chance that the boy you do off, no longer having the hours available to him to make his night’s wages off of multiple offs, will instead try to give you the happy ending you dreamed of in an attempt to get as big of a tip out of you as possible. Or at least some taxi money.
You too will be forced to make the most out of the boy you off; G.O.D. will no longer be an option for finding a suitable playmate when the one you bought earlier didn’t live up to your hopes and dreams. You may just find that the result is being happier with the guy and short-time you have since you no longer have the time to move on to the next one. And that’s all The Good General wants out of life. A happier Thailand, and a happier you.
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