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Hey, finally a post the sexpats who spend their lives on the gay Thai message boards will enjoy! Or at least a post title they’ll like. The actual article, not so much.
What is with the all the hate for Phuket? From posts on the boards you’d think it was some crime infested sleazy little beachside town filled with the world’s lowest of lowlifes. But that’s Pattaya. And the boys who love boys love Pattaya. Bring up Phuket though and the rancor ratchets up to levels that surpass the Christian god’s opinion of Sodom and Gomorrah. On the message board, Phuket comes off sounding like Calcutta on steroids. You’d think Syria would be a safer spot to vacation listening to these folk.
I’m not sure why Phuket has become Thailand’s whipping boy. Maybe it was using those typhoon relief funds to build beach volleyball courts on Patong Beach. Whatever it was that Thailand’s best known southern beach resort area did, the gods were not amused. And they’ve taken it out on the rationality of gay Thailand forum posters. I haven’t seen such passion for hatred since LMTU and Beachball courted each other.
Posters over at SGT froth at the mouth the most whenever Phuket is mentioned, but Jabba The Butt’s band of merry men sharpen their claws just as quickly. On both forums they trash Phuket but mean Patong Beach. Not that pesky little facts should ever get in the way of a good hissy fit. Anything and everything about Pattaya and Pedo Plaza meanwhile gets excused and defended. Not that a little bias ever hurt a good hissy fit either.
Kjun12 – or Kunt12 as BrisbaneGuy has aptly nicknamed him – seems to be the leader of the pack when it comes to vilifying Phuket. Just try to find any on-line Thailand forum where he hasn’t posted about how dangerous Phuket is. And he backs his claims up with facts too. A German tourist was beaten by a tuk tuk driver when the tourist refused to pay 200 baht for his ride. And a local woman had her purse and cell phone stolen. Yup, that’s a crime wave that screams for someone to fire up the Bat Signal.
Fountainspew chimes in condemning local authorities for failing to post warnings on the beaches about jellyfish, citing Hawaii’s practice of closing beaches when jellyfish appear while ignoring the fact that you don’t see barefoot construction workers using bamboo scaffolding in the Aloha State either. In his warning Fountainspew does however move to the positive and recommends all visitors pack a vial of vinegar when visiting the beach to use on jellyfish stings. Not that Fountainspew would need to exercise that precaution because peeing on a sting is just as effective and with him there surely would be no shortage of volunteers for that job. Even Beachball – forgetting to check his notes that says Phuket is his favorite destination in Thailand – can’t help but jump on the bandwagon with the startling news that even Thais visiting Patong Beach can fall victim to scams. The horror!
Outside of the gay forum world there are plenty of Chicken Littles posting of Phuket’s dangers too. Virtualtourist.com alone has 180 entries. Which includes warnings about dastardly criminals preying on tourists such as: wild monkeys bite, rip tides are dangerous, the tropical sun can burn you, elephant camps mistreat their animals, and ladyboys are really men. In fact, the majority of warnings about the dangers of Phuket are about beach safety and road safety. And those threads that actually deal with crime, invariably started by Kunt12, all quickly dissolve into a general bitchfest about how dangerous the entire country has become. Because the rest of the world is such a safe place these days. Nevertheless, Phuket is the place that some just love to hate.
Phuket gets called the crime capital of Asia and the most dangerous place in Thailand. When its naysayers bother to provide specifics, they are always incidents that also happen throughout Thailand. And throughout the world. One site I visited that was exceptionally vehement with its warnings about Phuket, like most, relied on broad generalizations rather than specifics and – after throwing in the road and beach safety thingy for good measure – provided a handy list of suggestions to keep you safe when visiting Phuket.
The author first spoke of “crazy Thai men” who drive on the wrong side of the street, how life is cheap in Thailand and the death of a tourist doesn’t mean anything to Thais (adding how common it is to see a photograph in the newspaper of “Thai men pointing at the dead tourist with big smiles or smirks on their faces”) and about how Thais “have developed a hatred for foreigners in general,” just to show how unbiased he was. Then, he posted his #1 warning:
“If you are staying in a high rise building, then make sure that you don’t get drunk on the balconies, as the railings on these buildings are not very high and it is easy to fall off them. It is also a good idea to not stay in one of these buildings if you are mentally unstable, as there are far too many people who leap to their deaths whilst on holidays. There are numerous reports of guys who come to Thailand and fall in love with bar girls and then they run out of money on their holiday and the fantastic times come to an end so they jump to their death.
If you are mentally unwell and you are staying in a high rise building and plan on getting drunk, then this could be a recipe for disaster, as the extra depression of knowing that you are leaving Thailand and being drunk could make you do that crazy thing that too many tourists seem to do. There is also rumors of foreigners getting thrown off buildings and there is no way to check to see if this is true or not, as the police often don’t even bother showing up at the scene of the falls anymore in Pattaya.”
Yup, the biggest danger to tourists in Phuket are the flying farang of Pattaya. Those high-rise buildings should all be hauled off to the Bangkok Hilton. Which surely is located somewhere around Phuket.
Yes, when you arrange transpo into Patong Beach from the airport if you are foolish enough to take one of the mini-vans they will stop to ‘shuffle’ passenger loads at their office where you can buy overpriced day tour packages. Or in Bangkok you can hop into a taxi at the airport and pay a fixed fee for your ride into town in what is supposed to be a metered taxi.
Yes, there’s a good chance if you rent a jet ski in Phuket when you return it you’ll be forced to pay for ‘damages’ that magically appeared during your rental period. Or you can avoid that Phuket scam by instead returning it in Pattaya. Where you’ll be forced to pay for ‘damages’ that magically appeared during your rental period.
Yes, tuk tuk prices are fixed in Patong Beach and fares are grossly inflated. Or you can catch a taxi in Patpong at night, or at any one of Bangkok’s popular touri restaurants, or when it is raining, where the drivers have all fixed the fare to a standard grossly overinflated price.
Yes, the drunk Aussies on Walking Street are an unruly bunch that may scare timid queens. Oh wait, that’s Walking Street in Pattaya.
Yes, if you rent a scooter or bicycle in Phuket and keep your valuable in the basket mounted to the handlebars someone may rip you off. Or you can ride a songtaew in Pattaya where a gang of pickpockets will do that trick for you.
Yes, the tuk tuks are controlled by the mafia in Phuket. As they are in Bangkok. Along with the taxis.
Yes you can get mugged in Phuket wandering around dark streets late at night. And fans of Pattaya all know how safe it is to take a stroll along Beach Road late at night by yourself.
Yes, it is true the locals in Patong Beach are less friendly and you’ll seldom run across the famous smiles Thailand is known for when visiting there. But that is also true of Khaosan Road in Bangkok. Nor are the locals around Kuta as friendly as those outside of the heavily touristed areas of Bali. Whodathunk dealing with drunk, obnoxious, cheap-ass tourists all day would have an effect on the attitude of locals?
Yes, Paradise Complex is a shadow of its former self with bars closing so fast and furious it’d make your head spin. If your head was not already doing 360s from all the closures in Pattaya. And Phuket at least manages to scrape together an annual Gay Pride celebration.
Yes, it’s a shame Phuket does not have a Grand Palace to be closed, or touristy photo ops set up at Wat Arun to use to exhort money out of unsuspecting touri, or small gay-run restaurants where it seems every customer gets ill, or tall enough condos to provide a high enough mount for flying farang to leap from, or a beachfront avenue filled with ugly street walkers, or one-day tailors offering four suits for 1,000 baht, or large jewelry stores filled with overpriced shoddy merchandise, or upstairs bars where you’ll be charged 1,000 baht for a drink, or blocks full of Nigerian drug dealers battling for victims with Nigerian whores, or $60 visits to fake hilltribe villages where you can buy crafts made in Vietnam at five times the price they’re offered at back in town, or . . . Yup, Phuket is dangerous and filled with scams.
The one complaint Phuket haters can stand behind is the high cost of vacationing there. But then if you showed visitors pictures of the beaches around Phuket alongside those you’ll find in Pattaya and ask which would be a more expensive holiday destination, the answers would be unanimous.
Phuket is one of Southeast Asia’s premier vacation spots, with an average of over 3 million visitors each year. Most have an enjoyable, trouble-free vacation. Taking a bit of responsibility for your own personal safety is key. As it is when visiting anywhere on the planet. I hate to break it to you, but Phuket is a safe holiday destination. As long as you are aware of potential scams, don’t get into altercations with locals or drunk farang, know how to enjoy the beach safely, and be as aware of your surroundings as you would be in any other heavily touristed city in the world. Then your biggest danger would be finding that Kunt12 is holidaying in Phuket at the same time as you are.
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Mitch S. said:
Clever writing as always!
I only went to Phuket once, six years ago. Stayed at a beautiful hotel (JW Marriott), which was a pretty dull ride back from Patong at night. I was traveling with two very experienced money boys, so they didn’t let the locals exploit me (more cash for them that way?). Anyway, the skin diving & scenery was beautiful, the seafood was terrific, etc. You touched on the “less friendly” locals. My general impression of the locals was fine; however, some friends believe that the less friendly reception in Phuket is due in part to more Muslims there who are NOT gay friendly.
Bangkokbois said:
Thanks Mitch.
The heavier presence of followers of Islam in the south may account for their overall attitude.
But then when you do find a gay Muslim boy . . . oh boy!
Mitch S. said:
Some fun loving Thai Muslims in Chiang Mai last week: http://www.chiangmaicitynews.com/news.php?id=849
I’m sure quite gay-friendly also! 😉
Bangkokbois said:
Geeze.
They should head over the border and see how they like Burma.
xiandarkthorne said:
I loved going on holiday to Phuket for fifteen years but now I’m in two minds about it and not for any of the reasons posted on any of the forum boards, either. My last trip there was nearly five years ago and there are good reasons for that.
While the sea was still much cleaner at that time than Jomtien today (and I sincerely hope that it still is) and the barboys cheaper than Bangkok in 2007, my first gripe was that food had become much more expensive. Now, I don’t eat in restaurants much if at all, and even patronising road side rice stalls, I averaged about RM7 per meal – in Bangkok today, I can still get a packet of rice and at least two stir-fried vegetable and meat dishes for half that amount. It doesn’t seem like much when you convert it to US Dollars but it works out to a good RM10.50 extra or more a day (depending on how many times I stuff my face, obviousy) – a big consideration for a cheap charlie sex tourist from a country where I have to pay an extra 50 sen for every 100 Baht like me, who’d rather spend every extra cent on things that matter (like sexy barboys!) Worst of all, I couldn’t find a single grilled catfish stall along the road that parallels the beach!!!!!
I was rather disappointed, too, that after the tsunami all the rebuilding seemed to have been focused on getting rid of all the things that made Patong Beach charming and delghtful to me and turning it into a poor cousin of Pattaya’s Beach Road. And all the dark, cheap, sleazy little bars I’d come to know and love were gone while the ones that were there had their delightful sleaziness expensively highlighted by garish over-bright lights that did nothing to disguise anything.
SInce I never patronise jet boats, jet skis, beach boys renting either or any of the other dangerous things that some people find absolutely necessary to make their holiday complete, i can’t speak about those or any scams run by or with them. But I will say that I never met a beach by who wasn’t friendly and wiling for the right price (about Baht5000 was the lowest price I was ever quoted though that situation might have as much to do with the way I look as any evidence of avarice on their part).
The most horrifying difference to me was the number of “beach” hotels that had sprung up along the hillsides. Coming from the hotel industry myself, I was surprised at how they got away with calling themselves that when it was a good ten minute ride by motorcycle taxi to the nearest actual beach. I admit all that isn’t any of my business as I didn’t and will never plan to stay in that area, but those ‘beach hotels’ and ‘resorts’ came to symbolise everything that the new Phuket had become.
And it all seemed to happen in less than two years between my holiday in April 2004 and the one in May 2006. When I found that things were pretty much the same or in some cases even ‘better’ (depending on whose point of view that is) during my last visit there in 2007, I stopped going completely.
I fell head over ass for a barboy the first time ever in my life on Phuket island in 1994 and went back every chance I got until he told me that he was going back to Hatyai (of all places) to get married and there will always be bittersweet memories for me every time I think of the isle, but it isn’t the memories of those heady days and nights with Deng that gives rise to my disappoint with the changes on the island.
I certainly can’t complain that my favourite place (CNN Bungalows) was anything but lovely either (and a dish of butter prawns was sttill as good as I remembered at nearly the same price, too) so I won’t go on (I hate it when I whine) though I wll say that I’d still like to go back to Phuket for a holiday one of these days, for all my complaints here.
But it’s no longer my first choice of vacation destination either, I’m afraid.
Bangkokbois said:
Thanks for your input XD.
Phuket might not be for everyone. That’s cool. Your objections seem to be costs and nostalgia. Cool again. It’s the ‘go to Phuket and die’ haters that bother me.
xiandarkthorne said:
True. I could never understand why people feel that Phuket is any more dangerous than other places in Thailand. And I don’t agree with the ‘more Muslims less gay-friendly’ theory either. Thais are friendly no matter what their religious persuasion – what I suspect is that bitter experience with some farang and the less restrained tourists from the Middle Easter has made them more cautious. The same thing happened in Penang, where the Middle East tourists were welcomed most ffusiively since they practised the same religion as 65% of the locals, but after one incident too many, we have all learnt to be a little more careful about how widely we open our arms to welcome them.
As for Phuket attracting more idiots…no comment. Don’t forget I still like Phuket a lot even if it’s no longer my number one choice.
Alex said:
Very well written, me thinks! If you’re either an idiot or simply out of luck, you can manage to die pretty much anywhere in the world. Now, I do not know if Phuket just attracts more than its fair share of idiots or if more people than elsewhere run out of luck, but all things considered, it’s mostly still a lovely place and it really shouldn’t be overlooked that the vast majority of tourists who go there have a very happy vacation. Obviously, they then don’t see any need to rant on an Internet forum.
When Pattaya residents rant about Phuket, I’d think it’s mostly jealousy that drives them. I’d bet that, given the choice, many of them would prefer to live in Phuket, but it’s much more expensive.
Bangkokbois said:
I think you are right Alex because there really is no comparing the two.
I don;t know wnhy people on holiday take leave of their senses, but they do. I think a lot of the injuries sustained in Phuket can be chalked up to stupidity. But then that’s good for the gene pool.
Mitch S. said:
You know Hawaii and Thailand. For a beach vacation, I would pick Hawaii over Thailand. Much quicker flight! Hawaii’s young men are even cuter than here in Thailand! If you weren’t coming here to see Noom, would you pick Thailand or Hawaii for a beach vacation?
Bangkokbois said:
Hawaii is closer, and it is easy to find a beautiful stretch of beach to have all to yourself. And the guys! (Sigh)
I’ve never gone to Phuket as my holiday destination, only as an add on to travel in the area. If it were just a question between the two, Hawaii would win hands down.
BUT, that usually means Bangkok too, possibly even Chiang Mai. And I can do two weeks in Thailand much cheaper than I can 2 weeks in Hawaii.
Um, that really didn’t address your question now did it?
🙂
Boz said:
OH NO!! mutha fukkas talkin shit about Phuket better not let me hear it! I LOVE my Phuket Muay Thai family– treat me better than my blood relations did back in the states. When I encounter locals who avoid eye contact, turn away in disdain, I curse the farangs before me who set a bad example–all their pasty white asses. My trainer is my hero, and I don’t tend to idolize anyone, not since Bob Dylan pulled his born again bullshit in the 70’s–still bitter, yeah– even with the language barrier, the kindness, patience, and basic goodness shines through. The camp supports a number of young Thai, which is why I chose this one, over one of the farang owned “muay thai resorts” close by. Came to learn the real deal, and support the future champs, not line the pockets of barbarian invaders. yes, frothing at the mouth a little,now……. I spent some time reading Phuket Gazette online before coming, and realized early on that motorbike+farang=crash. Didin’t expect it to be different for my middle aged ass, so I walk, or pay a friend gas money to drive me if really needed. On the brighter side, a new friend is opening Phuket’s first/only lesbian bar very close to Phuket Zoo– tell “Helinda” please–somewhere you can leave them to party while you enjoy some time alone with Noom? In other news, I will be in BKK at Xmas time– would love to meet for drinks/coffee, express my thanks for your informative/entertaining/hot blog in person. Ok, rant and ass-kissing session over now.
Bangkokbois said:
Well Boz obviously from your only having lived there as opposed to a few weekend trips scattered over a few years you have no idea what you are talking about. Khun12 knows better.
🙂
Let me know when the new dyke bar opens – I’ll post their info here. You’d think they’d know better, but I do get lesbian readers dropping by too.
I’ll let ya know when my year-end trip dates are squared up (I really got to get to that!).
Alex said:
Yeah, you should grant an audience to all your faithful readers when you’re here! Maybe sign copies of the Sunday Funnies at a Bangkok Shopping Mall, something like that.
Bangkokbois said:
LOL
No, really, I did laugh out loud.
I need to contact Asia Books about scheduling a signing!
Boz said:
Gotta make it clear–no shenanigans in muay thai camp–it is strictly athletic sweat here, in case anybody gets the wrong idea! seriously!
Bangkokbois said:
Well there goes that trip idea!
🙂
Boz said:
HAHA!! Don’t miss the friday night fights at the stadium– usually one or more of my young brothers are in the ring. I leave for a 3 month school stay in Chiang Mai next week, will take weekend trips to BKK monthly– give a shout if you are anywhere around; also coming back to Phuket in January for birthday with the Muay Thai family. just going to the cinema with them is a blast :)– best guys I ever met
Bangkokbois said:
Now That should be an incredible birthday Boz!
It’ll be interesting to hear what you think of Chiang Mai after your stay in Phuket.
Al said:
Can’t beat a good beating around the ring for entertainment. I visited Lumpini a few times, great atmosphere though I must admit being a tad ignorant of the rules and protocol. Sure beats the bitch fights in sad old Pattaya.
Bangkokbois said:
I love watching the fights in Bangkok. Those I’ve seen in Chiang Mai are rigged and just don’t have the same energy (but maybe Boz will scheudule in a bout while there). Now if they’d have Muy Thigh matches in Pattaya with the old dears swinging their purses at each other, I’d stick around for a few rounds! (or does that already happen everytime a new truck load of boys arrives from Issan?)
Al said:
Those Issan lads travel far and wide to find the perfect buffalo. So many old buffalos in Pattaya to choose from. Ever tried to inspect an innebriated buffalo? Poor lads have to stick around for months.
Bangkokbois said:
🙂
ChristianPFC said:
I have never been to Phuket. I am not a fan of beaches (I prefer mountains and forest) and I like to stay and travel cheaply, so it will need a lot (e.g. the “water safety” boy) to convince me to come to Phuket.
Bangkokbois said:
All valid reasons to spend you time elsewhere, though it’s good to know you are keeping your
legsmind open to a visit to Phuket.