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Meeting a potential mate for the first time – regardless if he’s a playmate, bedmate, or future husband – a million questions pop into your mind. Determining how suited he is for the role in your life you’ve planned for him means delving into his psyche with a ginormous list of questions ranging from his favorite color to his favorite position, to more esoteric matters such as his belief in a supreme being, his stand on capital punishment, and how big of an ass he thinks Mitt Romney is. Enquiring minds want to know. But if it is your gonads asking the question, it turns out the only query you need put forth is if he likes the taste of beer.
We all know plying the hottie you just met at a bar with ample libations is a good way to score a night in bed. Unfortunately, all too often that means a night in bed with some asshole who passes out before you get his pants off. Thanks to the mathematical geniuses at OKCupid, an online dating site that loves to compile and analyze the preferences of their 776 million members, you can save yourself from a hefty bar bill as well as the risk of listening to your latest conquest praying to the porcelain god all night by instead of asking, “Can I buy you a beer?” asking instead “Do you like beer?” If he says yes, there’s an excellent chance he’ll put out. No need to order a round, just grab him and haul his ass home to your bed.
Who knew life could be so easy? Or that hanging out at NASCAR races could get you laid? And yup, smells like science to me.
Christian Rudder, cofounder of the free dating site, uses his background in mathematics to analyze the ‘hundreds of millions’ of user interactions on his site, as well as the various dating preferences and social attitudes of users. From his research Christian says you can learn some pretty intimate things about a person from just a single question.
In one of his analyses, “The best questions for a first date,” Rudder studied millions of answers to the question “Would you consider sleeping with someone on the first date?” The answer that emerged was that the single best predictor of saying “yes” was whether or not the person liked the taste of beer. And this question was a good predictor, whether the respondent was a man or a woman, gay or straight. Nice to know that regardless of whether or not the guy you zeroed in on is gay or straight, if he reaches for a Bud there’s a good chance he’ll be willing to be your bud for the night because beer-lovers are 60% more likely to be okay with sleeping with someone they’ve just met.
Unfortunately in the dating game guys lie. Well, okay we lie all the time, but even more so when we are scheming on how best to get laid. So Mr. Hottie may take you for a oenologist and say no even though he usually has a six pack for breakfast. No worries. There are follow-up questions. You have a 83% chance of scoring if he answers yes to the question, “In a certain light, wouldn’t nuclear war be exciting?” And when you place the blame for world destruction on his shoulders by asking, “Assuming you were in the position to do so, would you launch nuclear weapons under any circumstances?“ your odds only drop by 1% if he answers yes. The world may end but as long as you got your, who cares?
Good for the libido but possibly not the most reassuring for your future together – or your future period – is if he says yes to the question, “Could you imagine yourself killing someone? “ If you live through the night there’s an 82% chance you’ll get laid. Before you get laid out.
If you are thinking husband material instead of a night of fun, the best questions to ask are not what you’d expect. Members of the dating site replying to a survey Rudder ran thought the best questions to ask of a potential mate to determine compatibility were: 1) Is God important in your life?, 2) Is sex the most important part of a relationship?, 3) Does smoking disgust you? And that makes sense. If you can find a godless sex addict who smokes like a chimney your future certainly should be looking rosy. But the data mined by Rudder says otherwise.
It’s all about agreeing on a basic philosophy for life and Rudder found that 32% of all successful couples agreed on the answers to: 1) Wouldn’t it be fun to chuck it all and go live on a sailboat? 2) Do you like horror movies? And, 3) Have you ever traveled around another country alone?
The answers to those questions as linked to a personality trait called sensation-seeking. Rudder’s data suggests that incompatibility on sensation-seeking may be even more important than incompatibility on religion, sex, and smoking. Of course determining if he is a top or bottom, when it comes to compatibility, is an even more important indicator of how well the two of you well get along.
Oh, and if that godless thingy really matters to you but you don’t want to ask about his religion specifically, or remind him that the evening you have planned for the two of you may well send him on his way to hell, ask him instead, “Do spelling and grammar mistakes annoy you?”
If he says ‘no’ and is okay with bad spelling and grammar the odds of him being only moderately religious are slightly better than two to one. It seems that while Jesus never mentioned punctuation, devoutly religious people have a low tolerance for people who rely on their spell checker or who are easily confused by commas.
That’s an interesting juxtaposition with the results of an analysis Rudder conducted last year. In that study he crunched the numbers on half a million users comparing religious belief with writing level and found, regardless of their specific faith, users who were the least strict in their religious beliefs write at the highest level.
Rudder’s research can be useful for any guy out looking to score a hottie for the night whether it’s for a one night stand or a long life devoted to each other. But then the only question that seem to matter to most guys is, “How big is your cock?”
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Alex said:
Although I’ve been a certified Budweiser Beermaster since 1999 or so, I cannot resist saying that Bud isn’t really a beer. It’s a sad excuse for a beer and actually closer to water, not to say horse piss. Bud (sic) you knew that already.
Having said that, I love the rest of your post, and as I like beer, have started more than just one nuclear war in my dreams and would kill someone if I’m sure I won’t get caught, I guess I’m a sure bet for having sex on the first date. 😉
Bangkokbois said:
Uh, but then we already knew that about you Alex.
I, on the other hand, would never consider killing someone. Well at least I wouldn’t have until you posted that Bud pun.
🙂
bkkguy said:
“Well at least I wouldn’t have until you posted that Bud pun.”
maybe he was trying to indicate that it was a sick joke but he is one of those that does not care about spelling?
and don’t give your Bud too hard a time – I have heard the old joke about the similarity between XXX beer and having sex in a canoe (fuck**g close to water) where XXX has been any number of US “beer” brands!
Bangkokbois said:
Puns to the left of me, puns to the right of me.
Yikes!
But I’ll agree with you about US beer – one of the few products that tastes the same going down as it would being pissed back out.
Alex said:
One of your next articles will deal with water sports and you’re already warming up, yes?
Bangkokbois said:
lol
I too was thinking that!
🙂
bkkguy said:
“One of your next articles will deal with water sports and you’re already warming up, yes?”
but he has already covered Olympic diving and swimming … Ohhh wait – you mean “water sports” — I’m pissed off that I was so easily confused 🙂
Bangkokbois said:
yes dear, your smiley face looked a bit flushed.
Hendrikbkk said:
Huh? What did that black dude did wrong in his former life now he has the smallest cock? Or is he a grower, not a shower?
Bangkokbois said:
Actually I think that’s Whoopie Goldberg and she’s happy that she did so well with her last shot at life.
xiandarkthorne said:
Oh dear…the statistics just re-confirm that I’m a freak of nature. I don’t like the taste of beer, I don’t find the idea of nuclear war exciting (what would happen to all the cute guys?), I’d never live on a sailboat (what would happen when I got bored with the guy?), I don’t particularly like horror movies any more, and spelling and/or grammar mistakes make me extremely uncomfortable…but I ALWAYS expect to sleep together on the first date. It wouldn’t be a proper date to me if I didn’t end up sacked up till I dried up?
Bangkokbois said:
I seem to recall you mentioning a guy nodding off in the middle of your fun once XD.
That might be a sign.
🙂
xiandarkthorne said:
Oh that wasn’t because he’d had a few too many. It was because I’d had him for quite a few.
Worse yet about me and beer, two bottles either sends me under the table to snore it off quietly or else it makes me do crazy things if I don’t slide away into oblivion quickly. I think I’ve mentioned that the last time I went on a bender in Hatyai (I still remember nothing about it and I’m just recounting what friends told me the next day) I climbed on the bar counter and started chanting prayers before blessing everyone with holy water. They got me out to the lobby before things took another turn for the worse, and then went back to settle the bill and when they came out again, I’d disappeared.
I only showed up the next morning with no idea of who (if anyone) I went to bed with, how I even got there or what else had happened after I’d had what was probably my fifth or sixth beer.
Bangkokbois said:
That was you!?
I’ve got pix if your bank account is fat enough . . .
xiandarkthorne said:
Ha Ha You seem to forget that I am in the habit of posting nearly nekid pix of myself on-line. I don’t think a few more of me pissed drunk or puking my guts into some gutter with a few stray dogs looking on is going to make any difference.
Bangkokbois said:
Good point XD, hard to blackmail someone who willingly posts pix above and beyond the dirt you’re holding on them.
Bastard.
jahnnie said:
i need a drink now never sounded better
Bangkokbois said:
lol
does sound like it’s time for a round, huh?
bkkguy said:
““Would you consider sleeping with someone on the first date?””
probably not – I would prefer to just have sex with them then send them home, I am not really the sleep-over type, but the questionare probably does not really allow for that concept
Bangkokbois said:
E.B. White once advised to be obscure clearly.
That’s the problem with using euphemisms, dunno what would have been wrong with just saying ‘have sex with.’
I don’t think those using an on-line dating site would be too prudish. But there ya go.
bkkguy said:
“E.B. White once advised to be obscure clearly.”
I am not good at using capital letters so I associate strongly with e e commings but who the f**k is E.B.White? is this some sort of obscure reference to the webs spiders weave when trying to entice my Aunt Charlotte into kinky sex?
Bangkokbois said:
Hey! That was your Aunt’s idea, not mine!
Really . . .