I assume my regular diet is healthy ‘cuz I’ve eaten a lot of fruits in my life. Not to mention all the protein from meat I’ve digested. Fish, not so much. As for veggies, I think those are best left for lesbians to enjoy. Which should provide you with a mental picture that’ll keep you off that foodstuff for life. The Department of Agriculture and the Department of Health and Human Services, who jointly issue the Dietary Guidelines for Americans, may disagree. But then they can never agree on just which foods are healthy for you and which are not anyway. They update the guidelines every five years, and every five years switch between eggs being good for you or eggs being the food from hell. Considering the average ballooning waistline of my fellow countrymen, they’d do better providing guidance on whether a triple scoop of Ben & Jerry’s Chunky Monkey or Haagen Dazs’ Caramel Cone is best way for you to go.
Fortunately moms never paid much attention to the Dietary Guidelines for Americans. Sure, she occasionally tried to convince us kids that lima beans were food, but then she has always had a wicked sense of humor. More importantly, she never trained our taste buds to consider mac and cheese a dietary delight. I’ve had friends who would get hard at the suggestion there was mac and cheese headed toward their dinner plate. Note I said ‘had’. That stuff is gross. I assume if you were banal enough to order mac and cheese at a 5-star Italian restaurant it might be palatable. But the stuff that comes in a box that Americans love . . . you’d be better off eating the box. It’s no surprise mac and cheese was invented by the English.
But they say you are what you eat, not to mention that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. Which should clue you in to fact that when it comes to sex, food matters. And yup, that smells like science to me. Unless someone is burning a pot of mac and cheese on the stove top again.
Perhaps it was the study from last September that found that men with prodigious bellies lasted an average of five minutes longer in the sack than their thinner brethren that convinced the folks from the dating app Skout to survey their membership’s dining habits. What they discovered was that among the 4,600 participants, those who rated grilled cheese sandwiches as a yummy treat also rated sex as the thing that got their juices flowing. 73% said not only do they love grilled cheese, but that they make love at least six times per month. Only 27% of those who gave the sandwiches a thumbs down had that active of a sex life. So now we know if it’s through a man’s stomach that you’re attempting to land him, he’ll put out more often if you serve him grilled cheese sandwiches.
Skout didn’t explain why they focused on that particular food to set the bar for the gooey treat and gooey sex parallel, but did discover that those who liked the snack are better all-around. Aficionados also love to travel and consider themselves to be adventurous, and are 20% more likely to be charitable than those who aren’t that big on being served grilled cheese. Regardless of how it is served.
But among the sex fiends who gobble grilled cheese sandwiches on a regular basis, it’s all about dairy. 41% say it’s gotta be American (although a true cheese over would debate the right to call that stuff cheese) while a mere 2% feel brie needs to be made any more gooey. And white bread seems the preferred way to go with 51% weighing in in favor of enriched flour. With crust. 28% of the picky, sexless eaters who don’t care for grilled cheese are anti-crust people too, while only 10% of grilled cheese lovers would bother cutting it off. But then cheese and the uncircumcised have a long history together.
Grilled cheese fans seem to live a ‘the more the merrier life’ too. 60% like melting more than one type of cheese between their bread and almost half like to throw in a few more goodies, like pesto and tomato. Which probably bodes well for you if you are into sex toys. So if you inherited a box of Velveeta from your grandmother, don’t throw it away, throw it between two slices of bread on the grill and land yourself a hottie who’s into an active sex life.
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