A sign of the times, but it has little to do with changes to what Bangkok's nightlife has always been known for.

A sign of the times, but it has little to do with changes to what Bangkok’s nightlife has always been known for.

Rumor has it that there was a raid on the bars on Soi Twilight last week. Rumor being baseless gossip on the message boards stirred by Pattaya aficionados who know a thing or two about raids but little about the goings-on in Bangkok’s bar world. Other than that they charge too much for a drink. From a much more dependable source, however, that rumor stands corrected. I checked with Noom. His version of the event was: “Not raid. Visit.”

Which may sound like splitting hairs. But then Noom’s godlike body, as with most Thai men, has few hairs on it to split. Nuance, however, is what makes Thailand run. And these days The Good General has a firm hand on how things are run in the country. They say the three things you should not talk about in polite company are sex, politics, and religion. In Thailand, sex and politics go hand in hand. ‘Cuz the most popular religion in the Kingdom is money. So despite the doom and gloom crowd’s never-ending cries of terror whenever change is in the air, there is no puritanical agenda bent on ruining your nights of paid-for orgasms or focused on bringing gay life in the Big Mango as we know it to an end. Enjoying a screeching little fem boy being pounded on your lap while it begs for tips, however, may soon be a thing of the past.

But let’s talk about that ‘visit’ first. Because it’s the crystal ball that foretells your future experience on Soi Twilight. Less than a month back the word came down from high that in-your-face sex and non-stop nudity would no longer be tolerated in the gogo bars. Same same for the bars featuring fish in Patpong, Nana Plaza, and Soi Cowboy. Everyone was told to tone it down. The new normal had nothing to do with a twelve-year-old wandering past a bar and seeing disgusting displays of humanity as Jabba opined. ‘Cuz they have doors in Thailand too. What it had to do with was the permissiveness that allowed the extreme acts of sexual daring-do the bars’ shows had grown into. Which boiled down to how much the local constabulary got paid to turn a blind-eye to what was happening on stage. The more tea money paid, the more overtly sexual those shows became. And so on, and so on, and so on.

Big Cocks are still on display on Soi Twilight. They just spend more of their time undercover.

Big Cocks are still on display on Soi Twilight. They just spend more of their time undercover.

As directed, the bars toned down their shows; the shows never disappeared. Big cocks that never were still appeared nightly. On (and off) stage sex acts, however, got the boot. And the boys in rotation suddenly had pockets to store their cellphones in instead of cramming them in the pouch of their briefs. Not that there was room for a cellphone there was ever a good sign. And everyone partied like it was 1999. Again. Because back in those days there were no screeching little fem boys being pounded on your lap while it begged for tips.

But there are rules and then there is the Thai view of rules. Which is that they are best ignored. Within a week or two more and more flesh began appearing on stage again. It wasn’t that bar owners were disobeying the new rules, but rather that they were invoking the Buddha-given right for Thais to test those rules’ boundaries. Someone’s face may have demanded sexless sex shows, but once that need was given its nod, it was time for business to get back to what it had been.

That ‘visit’ from the authorities last week was also about face. Bars were told in advance that the authorities would be dropping by. ‘Cuz no one really wanted to deal with the results of finding the bars breaking the rules. Regardless, the message the visit was intended to deliver still came through. The Good General is serious about not allowing the bars to run sexually rampant. ‘Cuz a happy Thailand does not include screeching little fem boys being pounded on your lap while it begs for tips.

The boys in the bars are still alive and well, and ready to titillate for the price of a drink.

The boys in the bars are still alive and well, and ready to titillate for the price of a drink.

Which despite Jabba’s Sunee State of Mind – that says there is absolutely nothing wrong with a bar full of naked boys when said naked boys can not be seen from the street (‘cuz that of course is perfectly permissible everywhere else in the world) – still, really, has nothing to do with sex. Or puritanism. It’s about money. And power. As for the boys on the boards’ claim that a crack-down on gays is surely headed our way, Soi Twilight and the tea money it generates is a drop in the bucket compared to straight venues like Nana. The soi got a ‘visit’ one night last week. Ever since the new world order was imposed back in late November, there has been a police/military presence in the Nana Entertainment Complex nightly. ‘Cuz that’s where the real money is. Or was.

The Good General does not care about a screeching little fem boy being pounded on your lap while it begs for tips. What he cares about is the tea money required to allow that type of behavior in a club. What he cares about is corruption. Because the Thai definition for corruption is ‘someone not aligned with me is getting rich’. The police were always part of the former prime minister and current exiled felon Thaksin’s power-base. And the higher ranks go filthy rich off the filthy sex occurring at the gogo bars nightly. So The Good General’s concern is not about toning down the sex in gogo bars, it’s about toning down the amount of money flowing into the opposition’s bank accounts. He’s not even just focused on sex. He went after the taxi mafia first. His intent is to stamp out the influences of the still popular Thaksin wherever it still resides.

So yes Virginia, there really is still a sexy show on Soi Twilight nightly. It’s just a bit tamer these days. No longer are there three and four man anal acts performed while dangling from a trapeze high above your head. And half the audience no longer makes a bee-line for the door when a screeching little fem boy intent on being pounded on your lap while it begs for tips makes its appearance. But the shows go on. And the transparent excuse for prostitution that the bars always wore as a mask continues. Because the tea money doesn’t need to be stopped. It just needs to be throttled to a trickle until it can be diverted into the pockets that really matter. Which are those loyal to The Good General.

4 What hasn't changed and never will is the happy ending your night on the soi is supposed to be about.

4 What hasn’t changed and never will is the happy ending your night on the soi is supposed to be about.

Old-timers bemoan the new state of affairs. Boys in jeans on stage? Why would I pay to see that? Ya know . . . fuck you. It’s not about boys in jeans anymore than it’s about being charged nine bucks for a bottle of water. Drink charges are an excuse for the show, the show – which still includes nudity – is an excuse for prostitution. And cheap bastard sexpats are a sorry excuse for human beings. So nothing has really changed.

For a newbie, the bars on the soi and the occasional flash of hard dick are still an exhilarating experience. ‘Cuz there ain’t nothing like that back home. That you can still order take-out is the happy bonus that makes for a happy ending. The bars are not gonna drop their prices because they are now providing “an inferior product”. You idiots. They are still providing the same product they always were. Which is a night with a hot, gorgeous young stud who will make you feel like a king – even if you are an old queen – for the price of an oil change and lube back home.

What will 2015 bring you during a night on the town in Bangkok? With the right attitude, what it always has brought you: a happy ending. The gogo bars are not going away. The sexy shows will go on. The screeching little fem boy who used to rely on being pounded on your lap while it begged for tips may go home with 20 baht less than before, but little else will change. And if your libido demands a cheap beer and scrawny street urchins performing sex acts on or to your lap in the middle of a bar, Nature Boy is not even a blip on The Good General’s radar. So don’t worry, be happy. ‘Cuz Bangkok still has you covered. Even if the boys in the bars on Soi Twilight are a bit more covered these days.