“Dude. I love you.”

“Yeah, I know. But then who doesn’t?”

“Could you just once try not being an asshole?”

“I did. It didn’t turn out well. Besides, telling me you love me just means you’re inching up to what’s really on your mind. So spill.”

“Never mind.”

Relationships can be a bitch. They say communication is of utmost importance in a successful one. Unfortunately that often means using words that you may not actually want to utter. But fortunately we were in Bangkok, our third night of our trip, and Noom – my bar boy friend and current love of my life – is an expert at communicating. In a variety of languages. One of which is snark. Dave, not so much. Normally, at this point in my tale, I’d have to mention that Dave too is the love of my life, just a newer chapter in it. But since he was busy acting like a little bitch, I won’t. Noom, who is no slouch himself in the bitch department when he wants to be and is not a big fan of not mentioning the unmentionable, took Dave’s ‘never mind’ to be an invitation to add his two cents worth.

“He want Tawan boy. He gay.”

Communication may be of the utmost importance in a successful relationship but when that relationship includes three pairs of balls it can also make life difficult. At least for Dave. Who was busy not denying the truth of Noom’s declaration.

We’d spent the previous evening reintroducing Dave to Bangkok. But this time as a gay man. Which, eventually, had meant a visit to one of the city’s justifiably famous gay gogo bars. And despite – or perhaps because of – Noom’s insistence on pretending Dave liked young, effeminate twinks, we’d stopped in for a quick look at Tawan, Bangkok’s premiere muscle stud bar. That quick look turned into an hour or two of Dave being fondled by a few of the bar boys that Noom had encouraged to descend upon him. And had culminated in my offering to let Dave explore his newfound gayness by offing one of them. He’d refused. But that was then. And this was now. Even if he was having a hard time building himself up to it. Before Noom had the chance to start playing with Dave’s cock again to prove his point, I decided to get a few strokes of my own in first.

“What? Two months into being a gay man and already you feel the need to go play?”

“No, you know I’m happy with you. It’s just . . .”

Sensing the lull in the conversation needed his input, Noom chimed in. Again.

“He gay.”

Dave, sensing that Noom needed to be ignored, again, tried to place the blame for his proposed infidelity elsewhere.

“Well you said I should off him.”

“I didn’t say you should, I said you could.”

“Well can I?”

“That depends. Can I watch?”

Noom, feeling the need to remind us of how fluent he is in every conceivable form of communication, including the non-verbal ones, splayed himself on his stomach across the bed , moaning loudly and doing a pretty good impression of being a bottom for someone who says he doesn’t. Dave was not amused.

“I told you not to make so much noise when we’re um, showering, ‘cuz he could hear you.”

Despite good intentions to not go there, many has been the visiting farang who has succumbed to the earthly promises promised by a naked bar boy on stage. Some hold true for a visit or two before taking the plunge, other’s resolve melts within an hour. Some have never been with a guy before, others take it slow, preferring to try some tits with their dick at Nana Plaza for starters. They’re just too available. Too hot. And too damn cheap. It’s a slippery slope from just looking to buying. And there are worse things to spend your money on while in Thailand.

Early on in the trip I’d thought about suggesting Dave try Noom on for size. To keep it in the family. So to speak. I thought it would be good experience for Dave. And that Noom could teach him a few tricks of the trade. Preferably those I’d taught Noom. Early on in the trip Noom gave me an unsolicited look that clearly said that wouldn’t be happening. It wasn’t that Noom didn’t like Dave, but that he considered him family. Which in Noom’s mind meant Dave’s wallet was already family too and there was no good reason he should have to work at it any further to accomplish that goal.

Getting him laid, however, was an entirely different matter. And despite the fun he’d been having pretending the perfect playmate for Dave would be the most effeminate little twink he could find, Noom had identified Dave as gay – which in Noom’s mind meant one of Tawan’s muscle studs riding Dave’s ass for hours was the right way to go. Evidently Dave agreed. The wisdom of partnering my partner for a night in Tawan heaven was still a debatable point in my mind. Although the suggestion of watching wasn’t entirely a joke. But then that would have meant including Noom in the audience too. And I wasn’t sure Dave really needed a cheering section during his second encounter with another man’s penis.

I don’t care much how others define their relationship. But personally, an ‘open’ one has never made much sense to me. That’s more about having a fuck buddy, even if you live together. Monogamy – when it’s by choice and not by dictate – has always seemed the better way to go. At least in theory. In practice it’s a different story. Especially since my story includes Noom. To date I’d been lucky and both of the guys I wanted to be monogamous with understood that Thailand and Noom didn’t – or shouldn’t – count. Dave had broached the subject before we landed in Bangkok saying he’d understand if I wanted to spend some time with Noom alone. Which may have been a test. But then I always take what someone says at face value. At least when it concerns me and an orgasm.

Dave’s orgasm, however, hadn’t come into the picture. Until we’d landed and Noom decided it should. Which may have been a test too. Nonetheless, once I’d weighed the pros and the cons – the pro being the aforementioned alone time with Noom, the con not really considered too deeply – broadening Dave’s horizons (that’d be the aforementioned second encounter with another man’s penis) while in Thailand, I thought, might get that urge out of his system. If it was even there to begin with. And whether or not it had been, a certain boy at Tawan, had settled that matter. Now the only matter needing settling was where and when while Dave considered the if. Which Noom quickly dispensed with. “I call him.”

As anxious as Dave was, his choice of partners wasn’t, preferring his sleep over earning some baht that sounded guaranteed anyway, and we agreed to meet later that evening at the bar. That provided Noom several hours to frequently bring up the subject again, as he offered Dave the finer tips on having sex with a bar boy. None of which were required, but nonetheless gave Noom great joy in making Dave’s day as uncomfortable as possible. I finally had to give Noom a look of my own when while perusing cellphones that he thought Dave’s wallet might be good for at our favorite stall at MBK he used his hands to emphasis his question, “What if he too big?”

The little gay boy who works the stall and has a bit of a crush on Noom tittered and seemed about ready to offer his own advice on the subject when I called a halt to Noom’s fun. He didn’t get his phone. But still managed to have the last word as we walked away. “Come, we buy you condom.” At least the taxi driver on our way back to the hotel didn’t have to hear what his Thai fare had planned for his farang friend’s evening.

Having been generously tipped the night before, the boys at Tawan were happy to see Dave when we finally hit the bar, and after earning themselves a few more baht scurried off to tell their barmate his customer had arrived. As anxious and as nervous as Dave was, his eyes lit up when the boy sauntered over wearing a pair of black shorts that left little to the imagination. Noom got in a parting shot. “See! He big!” I’m not sure Dave even heard him. He’d waited long enough. He just wanted to get back to the room we’d arranged.

“You sure this is what you want?”

“You said it’s okay.”

“It is. I just want to make sure you aren’t feeling pushed into it.”

“No. I’m cool.”

“Maybe you should buy him a drink first.”

I’d never seen Dave turn down the offer of a round before.

“You want to watch the show first?

“Dude!”

Noom leaned over and said something to the boy in Thai that I pretended to not understand. In fact he said a lot of something in Thai, most of which I didn’t understand. Dave, who’d been in dreamland from the attention the guy had been paying to his right nipple – a nipple that had sworn it wasn’t gay just the night before – finally managed to notice the conversation.

“What did he just say?”

“I tell him want you like.”

Huh. Since they’d not had that conversation I had to assume what Dave liked was an assumption on Noom’s part. But the giggle it invoked promised that Dave would soon find out what he liked anyway. And Noom settled back into my arms with a satisfied sigh, his work for the night done as Dave and his friend headed back to our hotel. When we arrived there ourselves several hours later I proved I’m a better boyfriend than bar boy’s friend and refused to tell Noom what room number Dave and his muscle stud from Tawan were in. No problemo. Make-up sex is just as good even when you’re not really making up.

Sometime in the early morning hours I awoke to the feel of Dave slipping into bed. Carefully claiming that part of my body Noom wasn’t busy using as a pillow, he cuddled in to give his exhausted body some much needed rest.

“So? How was it?”

“Shhhh!” he smiled, casting a warning glance toward Noom’s slumbering body. But evidently quite pleased with whatever instructions Noom had given. And then wisely moved in closer to press his already hardening cock against me. Just to prove it already was happy to be back where it belonged. Never one to miss much, Noom interrupted his not-snoring to welcome Dave back to the fold too. “I tell you he gay.”

It would have been a better shot, but Dave had already drifted off to sleep.

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