The one word in English my friend Noom never stumbles over is ‘toilet’. Which is a good thing. ‘Cuz he has the bladder of a Chihuahua. It’s that, or like any other breed of dog in the world, he just can’t resist marking his spot wherever we go. At first I thought it was that knowing most public restrooms have mirrors, he just couldn’t pass up on the opportunity of looking at himself once again. But even those rank little cubicles that qualify as a toilet in Thailand – or worse, those infamous bathroom buses they pull in instead of port-a-potties for large events – have an allure that he just can not resist. Making use of a public restroom whenever you pass one seems to be a Thai thing. I think the Land of Smiles got its name from the smiles of relief locals beam every time they step back out of a restroom. Which occurs frequently.

I’d like to think that with Noom it is that he suffers from tiny bladder syndrome. But if we go to see a movie at one of the shopping mall cinemas, he has to stop to pee on the way in to the mall, makes another run at the theater’s toilets before the movie starts, and then stops for a return visit on our way out. That’s after he took a pee break before leaving our hotel room. Usually. A few times he’s waited to attend to his bladder’s needs until we are downstairs in the hotel’s lobby. Occasionally he uses the lobby restrooms before heading up to our room too. That one I don’t mind as much. If he really does need to go and we get stuck in the elevator, it’s probably better that he started that journey dry.

First-time visitors to Thailand are often warned about the potential of encountering a squat toilet during their visit. Although most never do. You really have to be off the beaten path these days to find a hole in the floor rather than porcelain in times of need. A better warning would probably be about the old women armed with mops who think nothing of cleaning the floor between your feet when you are using a urinal at one of the shopping malls. Or the bathroom attendants who gives you a shoulder massage at one of Bangkok’s club while you are trying to aim properly. Thailand is not one of your better holiday destinations if you have a shy bladder.

Generally, when it comes to personal hygiene, Thais are quite fastidious about cleanliness. They bathe frequently, change their clothes as soon as they become sweaty, and wouldn’t be caught dead wearing the same shirt as the day before if its has not been washed. So you’d think that attention to cleanliness would extend to their public restrooms too. At least until your first visit to the Weekend Market and a trip to the toilets there. It’s like walking into a sewer. You’d expect to see rats scurrying about. Except the toilets at Chatuchak are so gross even rats avoid them. But at least they’re free. Unlike many public restrooms in the kingdom. Come to think of it, Noom’s smile is always that much bigger when he walks back out of a public restroom that was free.

Being a guy, exceptionally putrid restrooms like Chatuchak’s aren’t a big problem for me. I take a deep breath of fresh air before entering and hope that lasts long enough for me to do my business. Once inside, since it’s obviously the local custom, I need only be in the vicinity of a urinal to use it; it’s best not to make it an up close and personal experience anyway. The only problem is that the 1.8 million other urinaters who came before me adopted the same style of use. And flip flops are not generally known as a protective foot covering. It’s a shame they don’t mount a few of those hoses at the exit too. But does explain why you are supposed to remove your shoes before entering someone’s house or a temple in Thailand. Even Noom avoids using the head at the Weekend Market. But he’s not above having the taxi pull over for a piss-break on the way back to our hotel.

Thanks to a link to my blog from a website’s article about a photo of a monk buying porn in Bangkok, I ran across this little collection of toilet signs from Thailand that all adopted the same theme of needing to go badly. Thais enjoy nothing more than a good joke told over and over and over again. Except, perhaps, for a free public toilet. And I appreciate the sign in the third photo, as it serves as a good reminder about the dangers of being stuck in an elevator with a full bladder too.

I take photos of what others would probably think pretty strange subjects when I’m in Thailand, but haven’t ever clicked on a sign for some place’s toilets. Yet. Although now that I think about it, Noom is quite taken with having his photo snapped in front of the sign for places we visit and as often as one of those places is the closest toilet, maybe that should become a recurring photographical theme in the future. For now, that little stick figure of a man in desperate need alone will suffice. ‘Cuz he reminds me of Noom.

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