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The surround sound home movie theater experience comes to Bangkok at a mere $30 per showing.

The surround sound home movie theater experience comes to Bangkok at a mere $30 per showing.

I’m picky about the movies I go to see at home. There has to be a compelling reason for me to head to the closest cineplex. In most cases, the 3D experience is more effort than its worth, even the biggest blockbusters are available on DVD within a few months, and the people who tend to arrive at show time at that same time as I do are not the kind of people I usually want to associate with. Throw in $4 boxes of a fifty cent snack and I’m better off waiting and then viewing the flick on my home theater system. Plus then if the movie turns out to be a dud, I can masturbate instead without ever leaving the comfort of my reclining chair.

When I’m in Bangkok it’s a different story. Noom doesn’t go to the movies often either. In his case it’s more about the cost of a ticket versus the 80 baht DVD version, which is often available on Bangkok’s street before the movie is officially released. So he makes up for that when I’m in town. We hit a theater several nights during each of my visits, how many movies we take in depends on how few are animated flicks – which he loves and I now refuse to see. Theaters in Bangkok are cheap, those in the malls are nicely appointed, and the Thai audience realizes there are other people in the theater too, unlike back in the U.S. There is also usually some special promotion at the snack bar where you get a ‘souvenir’ plastic cup, or straw, or magnet, or decal, or whatever. Whatever piece of crap it is puts the smile back on Noom’s face, the one that turned upside down when I refused to buy tickets for Madagascar IX.

For me it’s not the movie so much as it is the movie-going experience that counts. And Brian Hall, who just spent 120 million baht building 5 theaters that sit a maximum of 30 people each, agrees. He’s the brain-trust behind Diplomat Screens at the recently opened Central Embassy, Bangkok’s first ever ultra-luxury lifestyle shopping mall that features the inaugural flagship outlets of Ralph Lauren, Tom Ford, and Yves Saint Laurent among other high-end designer brands. Considering the success of the nearby Gaysorn Plaza mall at hitting that market I’m not sure how successful Central Embassy will be. But its Diplomat Screens has won me over and I’m a fan for life. Besides, where else can you drop $80 on seeing a Michael Bay production? (In my defense it was with Marky Mark and not that skankhead Shia LaBeouf.)

Embassy Diplomat Screen's comfy couches and daybeds that recline into full beds stirs hopes the theaters will one day screen porn.

Embassy Diplomat Screen’s comfy couches and daybeds that recline into full beds stirs hopes the theaters will one day screen porn.

At Diplomat you probably won’t be sharing your movie experience with the cheap bastards who whine about paying $12 to watch a live sex show on Soi Twilight, and at a minimum of 900 baht per ticket you won’t have a bunch of rug rats carrying on either. I guess I have to apologize to whoever that was I just poked fun at on the message boards for saying that sometimes segregation is a good thing. Because when it comes to the haves and have-nots, it is. As long as you are willing to pay for it. But as with most good things in life, it’s not the cost but the value that matters and taking in a flick at Diplomat Screens is packed with values.

Each of the five cinemas are a bit different, with seating designed for the clientele it is intended for. For larger groups there are cozy couches (coupled with a private bar if your group is large enough), for the more sedentary there are reclining daybeds that fold out into actual beds; cocoon-style individual chairs make up the bulk of the seating selection. Regardless of where you decide to plop down, you’re provided with a soft duvet blanket and pillows for comfort. And every seat comes with its own adjustable light, a call button for a butler, a bag hanger, and an electrical outlet for recharging your cellphone battery. ‘Cuz multitasking at the multiplex is what it’s all about. But Wait! There’s More!

Your ticket to a whole new world of movie-going includes your choice of a ‘welcome set’ of an alcoholic drink and almonds, munchies from Dean & DeLuca, or a selection of tempting desserts from The Oriental Shop. And that’s just to get you started. There’s also a fully-stocked mini-bar (additional drinks like cocktails or beer are available from B100 per drink) and an on-call butler. Better yet, the spacious layout guarantees there’ll be no asshat kicking the back of your chair during the movie and no matter how high that matronly Chinese woman’s hair is stacked in front of you, you’ll still have an unimpeded view of the entire screen.

Not happy with your wrap-around private seating? Ask the butler to carry you to an new one.

Not happy with your wrap-around private seating? Ask the butler to carry you to an new one.

Of course when money is no object, the very latest technological advances incorporated into the theater’s sound system and visual displays are a given. And almost an after thought for Brian Hall. He says the Diplomat Screens audio/visual components are not in competition with the other high-tech cineplexes in town, that his brand is not being built on easily met levels of technology but on the experience beyond the movie itself. Touches like its exquisite lounge (with fireplace) and a living room-style decor are meant to extend guests’ stays. “If they come for a two-hour movie, we want them to spend four hours,” says Hall. “They can maybe arrive one hour earlier and our butler can get them anything they want. They can rent one of the VIP rooms afterwards and mingle with friends for another hour.” Hall says that is why every element has been carefully designed to offer the most pleasant feeling possible; he believes the homey component of a residential environment will make people feel more comfortable. That’s assuming your ‘homey’ environment comes draped in gold and furnished with $4,000 couches. Not to mention that butler.

The mall itself is a gorgeous piece of architecture, but I’ll save my review of Central Embassy’s shopping and dining experience for another post. I doubt I will ever be reviewing the attached six-star Park Hyatt Hotel once it is completed though, as the plans are for rooms to run at least $300 a night, making it the priciest property in town. But then that seems to be the concept behind the Central Group’s latest mall: opulent luxury not intended for the masses. They’ve even considered their hi-so clientele’s aversion to eating from street carts on the actual streets by moving up-market versions inside to the basement’s food court.

Embassy Diplomat Screens is not the first VIP movie going experience offered in Bangkok, but is the first cinema to only offer VIP seating. And they do it better than anyone else in town. If you’ve thought about trying one of the exclusive cinema seating options in the past but the price scared you away, there are several special offers available around town right now to lure the unsuspecting to Central Embassy’s theater. Bangkok Bank, for example, is offering half-off admission tickets to its credit card holders. Kinda like drug dealers offer school children their first hit of crack for free.

Diplomat Screens says there is no place like home, even if your home never looked so good.

Diplomat Screens says there is no place like home, even if your home never looked so good.

Knowing the likelihood of my wallet actually making an appearance at one of Central Embassy’s retail outlets, Noom was less than impressed with the mall. But the noises he made when he saw the ticket price at Diplomat Screens were priceless. That changed once we were inside the theater; “Beee-u-tiiii-full,” and “Dis nice!” summed his opinion up nicely. And the all-you-can-drink mini bar (aka “It free!”) worked its magic on his psyche too. You don’t want to know how many times he summonsed a ‘butler’ once he learned what the call-button was for. I don’t know if he was as impressed with Transformers: Age of Extinction, but that his answer to, “What do you want to do tonight?” resulted in our taking in Million Dollar Arm and yes, even Maleficent too pretty much says it all. As well as what a major part of my Bangkok-going experience will entail in the future.

The mall, built on the former grounds of the British Embassy, is easy to reach by BTS. It’s connected to both the Ploenchit BTS station and Chitlom, although the latter is reached through the less ostentatious Central Chidlom store. But then if you are out for a $100 movie night, you really should be arriving by limo. Or at least in a taxi.

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