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Take It Off Thursday #20
26 Thursday Jun 2014
Posted Take It Off Thursday
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26 Thursday Jun 2014
Posted Take It Off Thursday
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25 Wednesday Jun 2014
Posted The World of Thailand's Gay Gogo Bars
in≈ Comments Off on Soi Twilight: Post Coup, Post Curfew, Post Coital
Bidness on Soi Twilight is slow these days. But then it is the slow season. There are not many tourists out braving the gauntlet of barkers lining Bangkok’s most famous street of male prostitution. But then tourist numbers are down in light of the recent, and still running, coup. Those numbers were impacted by the country-wide curfew too; even though that restriction on movement has been lifted, those who canceled their holiday plans are not rushing to re-book their trip. And gay sex tourists are staying away in droves thanks to General Prayuth deciding prohibiting the soi’s live sex shows would make everyone happy.
Bidness on Soi Twilight is slow these days. The listless boys on stage in the show bars have gone positively comatose with boredom over playing to a vacant room. The most action to be found on the soi are bar signs on the fritz, blinking neon that was never intended to flash at times seeming to be the only thing moving on the soi. The rub-and-tug boys sitting in front of Bonny Massage have few potential customers to ignore. The cacophony of the soi once punctuated with calls of, “Show Now!” has dimmed; “No Show Now!” just doesn’t have the same cachet. It’s so quiet at times you could hear a fish fart. Which wouldn’t be surprising considering the flooded streets left in the wake of nightly heavy downpours. Which also shouldn’t be surprising because slow season is rainy season. And during the rainy season bidness is always slow on Soi Twilight.
In the gogo bars, there are no little fem boys screeching, “Tip me!” into customer’s laps while being plowed by a co-worker. Any members that would qualify for the Big Cock Show! are discretely tucked away, a not really all that massive bulge the only evidence that they ever existed. At Hot Male the 69 boys advertised out front is a testament to the Thai confusion over doing math, even if you count both heads. And none of those heads are involved in performing that act on stage for the enjoyment of fans. Bidness on Soi Twilight is slow these days. And the penises that work there are in an equally flaccid state.
It’s the coup. It’s the curfew. It’s the specter of political unrest, maybe even a civil war. It’s the crackdown on corruption, that which once provided the city’s very life-blood. It’s the army’s decision to put a happy end to sex shows. It’s the slow season. It’s the rainy season. It’s the world economy still in a coma thanks to Bush & Company bankrupting the planet. Take your pick, blame who or what you will. It doesn’t matter. Because wherever you prefer to point your finger, the proof is in the pudding: Bidness on Soi Twilight is slow these days.
Bidness on Soi Twilight is slow these days. In case you didn’t get the message. And the harbingers of doom and gloom are quite happy about that fact. Never mind that bidness is slow all over the country. Ignore the coup, the curfew, the lack of naked boys on stage doing what naked boys on stage tend to do. Because the real reason that bidness is slow on Soi Twilight is that the dastardly bar owners, those greedy bastards, are finally getting their comeuppance for gouging us all over the years. Bidness on Soi Twilight is slow these days because the prices bars charge for a drink have sent potential customers’ wallets fleeing for their lives. Bidness on Soi Twilight is slow these days because karma finally kicked in to screw bar owners who charged too much for you to screw the man of your dreams. Bidness on Soi Twilight is slow these days because Thailand’s sexpats are mad as hell and aren’t gonna take it any more. Or as Jabba The Butt recently put it: “If you want to go to these bars and pay them 380 baht for a drink and 700 baht for an off, be my guest. You certainly won’t have to worry about encountering me in any of them. I think I’ll just stay put and suffer along in the Sunee Plaza bars where most drink prices range between 100 to 120 baht and an off is usually 300 baht.”
Bidness on Soi Twilight is slow these days. And the bar owners are busy high-fiving each other. It took raising off fees to 700 baht and drinks to 400 to keep Jabba and his band of merry men in Pattaya where they belongs. They had to stop putting on live sex shows while raising prices to unheard of levels to clear the soi of the sex tourists who’d try to sneak a peak at the shows for free and then begrudgingly nurse a single drink for three hours when forced to pay the piper. It took bar boys demanding a minimum of 2,000 baht for the shortest of short-time offs to rid Soi Twilight of the cheap bastards who enjoy complaining about rip-off prices more than they enjoy what those prices would give them. Bidness on Soi Twilight is slow these days. And the bar owners couldn’t be happier.
Bidness on Soi Twilight is slow these days. At least that’s what you’ll hear. And it is during the middle of the week, during the middle of the slow season. As it always has been. On Friday and Saturday nights, not so much. The bars are hopping then. True, there are no live sex shows, but there are shows. They just don’t show what they once did. Or for the nostalgia inclined, they are back to putting on the type of shows that those who’ve visited Bangkok for decades remember from years ago. The shows they all claim to miss. The ones that promised more than they showed. And if you think bidness on Soi Twilight is slow these days because the gogo bars are charging $12 for a drink, then you need to come up with a good reason why the beer bars of Soi Twilight that only charge 100 baht are slow too.
But don’t ask the gogo bars owners for help in solving that conundrum. They are too busy collecting big baht from the customers flocking to their establishments, the customers they target, the customers who still believe Soi Twilight and the sex it sells is a bargain at any price. You know, the customers you like to call newbies, uneducated, foolish, or stupid for shelling out that kind of money. Those would be the customers who return to their home countries, happy, satisfied, and spreading the word about the lush lads they scored in Bangkok for the price of a song instead of tales of how expensive Bangkok has become and how sad it is that bidness on Soi Twilight is slow these days.
Bidness on Soi Twilight is slow these days. You can get a street-side table at Dick’s without squeezing through the sardine can-like scrum of elderly farang taking in the life of the soi rather than experiencing it because the latter just costs too damn much. You can book a massage boy at Bonny without standing in line or having to wait for the hottie you’ve been lusting over to finish with his other clients because those in search of a cheaper orgasm have moved to greener pastures. Even if those pastures won’t necessarily end on a happy ending. Because it is the cost and not the service provided that matters.
Now that bidness is slow on Soi Twilight, you can have the seat – and view – of your choice at any gogo bar on the soi because the bars are no longer filled with disgruntled sex-pats and cheap bastard sex tourists taking up valuable space while they sit and wallow in their misery over the money it cost them to be there. In the bars you get more attention than you can handle, and when a certain guy catches your eye you don’t have to rush to book him before some other customer calls him to his table for an hour-long grope session which he’ll tip the boy 20 baht for enduring. Maybe customers agree the prices are high on the soi, but rather than moan about it they seem to be intent on getting their money’s worth; the bars may not be filled but the customers they do have are all smiling and having a good time. Yes, bidness on Soi Twilight is slow these days. And it’s the best thing that’s happened on the soi in years.
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25 Wednesday Jun 2014
Posted Hump Day Is Bump Day
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24 Tuesday Jun 2014
Posted Tips
inMy dead brother’s mistress’ mother, who lives in London, asked me to bring back a set of salt and pepper shakers for her from Thailand as a souvenir. I thought that would be an easy one. All I’d have to do is pocket a set from the table of any restaurant I dined at while on holiday. But it turns out there is, or was, a market for small ‘collectible’ salt and pepper shaker sets that bear the name of pretty much any place in the world you may travel to. Because nothing says Bangkok like a pair of cheap ceramic table condiment holders made in China.
Since the first caveman brought home a human knucklebone he’d found while off attacking a neighboring tribe’s cave, souvenirs have been a popular part of travel. People like to have a physical reminder, a memento, of the places they’ve visited. Even if it has nothing to do with that locale. Like a set of salt and pepper shakers. And across the world, those who make their living from manufacturing or selling souvenirs have a long history of not coming up with a better mousetrap. Which explains those stupid wooden frogs that ‘croak’ when you run a wood dowel across their back that hilltribe ladies sell all over Thailand. Although admittedly that particular purchase has more to do with paying a bribe to be left alone than picking up a cherished reminder of your travels in the kingdom. And they still beat the occasional STD sex tourists return home with.
I’m not sure when, or who it was, that decided that stuff marketed as a souvenir had to be tacky, although I suspect the popularity of those salt and pepper shakers back in the early part of the 1900s had a lot to do with it. Nonetheless, tacky is the rule wherever touri gather. Like Patpong’s night market. Because, yes, knock-offs are tacky too. Clothing brands change at Patpong, but the ‘hand-crafted’ knickknacks that make up the bulk of the souvenirs for sale are the same stuff vendors have been selling for over twenty years. Although nowadays much of that crap is made in Vietnam. The market is filled with the kind of souvenirs that gets taken home and given a pride of place on the mantle, then moved to a spare room, then to a closet, then to the garage, and eventually your local landfill. That’s if it is a souvenir you bought for yourself. When you are stocking up on souvenirs for the folk back home, it gets worse.
Whenever I traveled years ago I had a large management team, plus an admin staff, that I had to bring souvenirs home for. Tacky wasn’t the operative word, but inexpensive – okay, cheap – was. So they were often one and the same. On one trip we brought back those moldable faces made from balloons stuffed with some unidentified white powder they sell in Chiang Mai. They had nothing to do with Thailand, but were fun to play with and were a hit among my staff. Which probably tells you a lot about my hiring practices. After a few days, one by one, the damn things began to burst, shooting their innards all over the office. Which should have been embarrassing, but instead the staff started a pool on whose would pop next and little work got done with everyone sitting around watching the remaining balloon faces to see when the next would go and how big of a mess it would make. You woulda thought that’d taught me a lesson. Nope.
On a visit to New Orleans, we brought back voo-doo dolls. They were quite popular. And within an hour everyone had penned some other employee’s name on his or hers and busily began sticking pins in it. Interestingly, the women most often jabbed spikes into their victim’s heart, the men went for the groin. Which just goes to show you that even a tacky souvenir can be used as a team building exercise at work. But there just aren’t that many places in the world that have turned black magic into tourism dollars. And Customs has decided there are much greater dangers in the world anyway.
Obviously you are not suppose to return home with illegal contraband like items made of ivory. Little balloon faces filled with an unidentified white powder from an area of the world known for opium production probably isn’t a smart move either. And while size doesn’t matter to the folk at Customs, quantity does. You can bring home a knock off Rolex watch legally, but a dozen means you are trafficking in counterfeit goods. A small, tacky nightlight made from seashells is okay for yourself, a bag full requires you to have a wildlife import license. And while they should throw you in jail for bringing home one of those croaking frogs, they won’t. But may confiscate it or any other item made from local wood ‘cuz it may also contain local bugs that will quickly deforest your home country. I know that when you bring back souvenirs from your trip for family, friends, and co-workers, it’s suppose to be the thought that counts, but when that stuff doesn’t make it out of the airport, the intended recipients won’t think much of you.
I’ve never considered food to be a souvenir although I’ve returned home often enough with my bags full of some local treat that I wanted to enjoy back home too. I load up on small bags of spices from Cambodia to make AGOG with whenever I visit, and pounds of Bali coffee from Indonesia – the powdered version that leaves a mud-like 2″ thick paste at the bottom of your cup. I guess I don’t think of food as a souvenir because souvenirs are supposed to be useless. Though perhaps, if you ate something that you should not have and spent the next few days within running distance of your hotel room’s toilet a little reminder of why that was a stupid tourist trick might be in order. But according to a recent article I read, various pre-packaged snacks and foods topped the list for popular souvenirs from Thailand. And it wasn’t fried bugs as you’d assume. Larb-flavored biscuit sticks topped the list. I’m a fan of larb, but don’t know that the flavor of a raw meat salad is something I want as a munchy. But then that’s just me. Crispy durian chips also made the list, and that’s gotta be better than fresh durian even if it does miss the point – and experience – of eating durian.
Dried squid, the kind you can get from 7/11, is also a popular food souvenir from Thailand. I think they got that one wrong. I think they assumed packages of dried squid were being bought as souvenirs but were really intended as a travel snack among touri from Asian countries ‘cuz unless dried squid is something you grew up eating it’s not the kind of thing you’d fall in love with on a trip to a foreign country. Or even would try while there. Ditto for instant noodles, which also made the list. They sell instant noodles all over the world. So that’s not about being a souvenir, it’s about dinner for the first few weeks when you get home because you spent all of your cash and maxed out your credit cards buying souvenirs on your vacation.
The only non-food related souvenir on the list, surprisingly, was Naraya purses. I say surprisingly because I’m surprised anyone actually buys those things. I mean most people just ignore their elderly maiden aunts and don’t bring back a souvenir of any kind for her. Or her cats. Several years ago Naraya opened a branch in Patpong, a permanent store-front at the night market next to the bank that used to be a Boots that used to be a McDonald’s that used to be an open-air bar popular among ladyboys and the men who love them. They are tacky, so they fit the theme of the market, but I’d always assumed anyone who actually was gonna buy one probably had already done so while visiting Jim Thompson’s House. I dunno, maybe they make for a good bag to carry all of your dried squid home in. Because it can’t be that that many tourists have drag queens as friends at home.
I’ve visited Thailand so many times over the years that I’ve quit bringing souvenirs home for friends and family. If necessary, on one of these trips I’ll pick them all up replacement dowels for their little wood croaking frogs. But I still keep an eye open for the perfect souvenir from Thailand for myself, even though the perfect souvenirs I’ve found in the past have all ended up in the trash. Souvenirs are supposed to be a reminder of a place you visited, something that stirs your memories of the time spent there. And for me, photography does the same. Possibly even better. I don’t know that a wooden croaking frog will remind you of all the fun you had in Thailand as much as it will of the aggressive hilltribe woman you paid off to leave you alone. And for half the price, I’ve got a photo of one of those bitches, which is all the memories of souvenir shopping in Thailand that I need.
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24 Tuesday Jun 2014
Posted Twinky Tuesday
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23 Monday Jun 2014
Posted Eye Candy
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It’s always good to see a local island boy make good. And by good I mean naked and busting a nut on a popular internet porn site. So today I’m posting several pix of Sean Cody’s newest discovery, Kai, or as he is known in Hawaii, Kepa. Uh, and by several I mean a hell of a lot ‘cuz this boy is just perfectly yummy.
Kai is new to the ‘modeling’ world. A young natural bodybuilder and physique competitor, he hails from the Big Island of Hawaii and enjoys surfing; he spent most of his life in the water until winning a gym membership at his high school graduation party. He said he was a skinny guy before adding nearly 15 pounds of muscle.
The 5′ 10″ 165 lbs. 20-year-old hunk of island sweetness was discovered by a mainland photographer and quickly agreed to drop trou for his first photo shoot. Which is not the best career move if you are thinking of becoming an international fashion runway model, but not a bad way to go if you want your own reality television show on E! But before Ryan Seacrest could finish stroking himself and pick up the phone the talent spotters at Sean Cody spotted his exposed talents and signed Kai up for a solo action segment. Or two.
The guys they get to show off their stuff on Sean Cody are more often misses than hits but this time they struck gold. Hopefully Kai won’t be one of their one nut wonders – fans are already busily suggesting which other Sean Cody star should pop Kai’s cherry, with everyone assuming he is a bottom. You might think that’s because of his incredible ass, but if you watch the free clip the website provides of Kai there’ll be little doubt in your mind that legs spread wide open is one of his natural positions.
I’m not a subscriber to Sean Cody’s site because I believe porn should be free as the gods of the internet intended. Fortunately, those who are have no problem posting the good stuff elsewhere so that we can all enjoy. Kai is now in my private spider’s search parameters so as soon as more of this hunk’s talents air I’ll be posting updates. Often I hope.
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23 Monday Jun 2014
Posted Monday Meat
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22 Sunday Jun 2014
Posted Sunday Funnies
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