A recent news story reported on the Sriracha Zoo’s failed attempt to promote world peace by proving crocodiles and ducks could share the same pond. The zoo introduced ducks to their crocs’ home and posted a sign in front of the exhibit stating: “Duck and Crocodile – the relationship between a herbivore and an omnivore, which can live together as friends at Sriracha Zoo.” Unfortunately they forgot to teach the crocs the difference between neighbors and food. But if you interpret ‘as friends’ to mean ” as Happy Meals” I’d say their experiment was a success. Animal lovers (many of whom probably had duck for dinner the night before themselves) were outraged and the zoo quietly removed the flock of floating food from the crocs’ enclosure. No problemo. Visitors to the zoo can still view the similar display of a pig living in a tiger’s cage. But ya better hurry.

Said pig may be history by the time you read this, but his life, and death, still serves a purpose. It made for a great opening paragraph, and the perfect segue to a closer look at a similar display you can see in Bangkok nightly: the introduction of a farang into the world of a bar boy. Although I guess I should apologize to the pig for besmirching his reputation with that comparison. ‘Cuz pigs are known to be intelligent animals. But the problem of dising the porcine community aside, the analogy works. And it’s not that farang aren’t rumored to be intelligent creatures too. It’s just that, as bar boys are fond of saying, they tink too much.

As much as fans of Bangkok’s commercial sex world like to deconstruct every little detail of the farang / bar boy relationship – regardless if that encounter lasts for 15 minutes or for years – it is, in truth, a basic form of human interaction that has been around for centuries. The dealings between a prostitute and his customer is not something new under the sun. Nor is it rocket science. Granted, this is Thailand and that means an only in Thailand twist is required, but then calling payment made for services rendered a ‘tip’ really isn’t all the different from the whores who ply their trade on the streets of Honolulu calling their rendered services a ‘date’. And both affectionately refer to their clients by the nickname of Pay Day.

To the punter the goal is sex. To the bar boy it’s baht. And while how much of either is involved may be debatable, that money will exchange hands is a given. How that payment is made is where every pig facing a tiger differs. How best to pay the piper seems to be an endless source of speculation among sex tourists, while to money boys bringing home the bacon is a fairly cut and dried proposition. In the end, whatever works best for you is the correct answer. But there are pros and cons to the various scenarios punters have come up with to cover the reality in their night of fantasy. So let’s take a look at a few of the more popular ways sex tourists have devised to handle handing over the cash.

The Premature Ejaculator.
Because it is unique to Thailand, the question of when to tip is problematic for some punters, especially first-timers to The Land of Smiles. A basic rule to live by for prostitutes the world over is to get the money up front. Which makes sense. A man in need of an orgasm will always hand that cash over with little thought when all he is thinking about is that orgasm to come. Afterwards, not so much. But for a variety of social custom reasons in Thailand, payment is made at the end of the interaction rather than at the beginning.

First, it is a tip. And by custom and practice you tip at the end of an encounter not before you are served. Second, Thai culture depends on every person doing the right and honorable thing. Which, despite countless interactions with farangs, Thais still believe. As the customer, you are supposed to be honorable in how much you pay. There is even the hope that you’ll prove you are jai dee and tip even more than expected. Regardless, paying at the end of your time together is the standard in Thailand. But the Premature Ejaculator shoots his wad of baht almost as soon as he and his boy du jour get back to his hotel room.

Prostitutes outside of Thailand want their money up front to avoid being short changed after the act. Conversely, when you tip up front in Thailand you may get short changed during the act. You may discover just how short of a time a short-time can be. If you are lucky your bar boy will remember what his parents taught him and will do the right thing instead. But you are just as likely to hire a guy who remembers what all the farang who came before you taught him. And that never promises a happy ending to your time together.

The SODDI Defense.
De Nile is not just a river in Egypt. There are punters who hate to face the reality of their orgasm being part of a commercial transaction. And so, rather than hand their boy du jour his tip, they leave it on the dresser, or the desk, or on a countertop, on the bathroom vanity, or on the top of the toilet tank. Because everyone knows Thais love to have fun and nothing is more fun than playing Find The Tip.

I call this the Some Other Dude Did It payment option, named after a well-known courtroom tactic in criminal trials where the defense suggests the blame for the crime should be laid at the feet of some unspecified ‘other guy’. In the farang / bar boy relationship it’s an It’s Not My Fault ploy that removes the personal interaction out of the payment process so that the punter can pretend that cash has nothing to do with the enjoyment he just experienced. It’s a favorite among those who prefer wearing their rose colored glasses. Even in bed.

The problem with using the SODDI defense is your boy du jour probably does not know the tip he is waiting for is that pile of baht laying on whichever surface you chose to stand in your hand’s stead. So at some point you still have to bow to the reality of the situation and tell him either verbally or with a non-verbal hint. Like pointing at it. Which kinda negates the fantasy you were trying to keep alive. And as not subtle as that direction may be, your boy du jour can easily misinterpret your clue and assume not only is he supposed to pocket that wad of cash, but your cell phone or laptop too.

The Tip Jar Is Around Here Some Place.
Similar to the SODDI defense, in which the punter usually leaves a specific amount of money as the tip sitting on which ever surface he selected, in The Tip Jar Is Around Here Some Place the punter leaves a wad of money for the bar boy to decide for himself just how much of a tip is his due. It’s a fantasy inside of a fantasy that allows the punter to avoid both handing the tip over directly and having to decide how much to tip. I assume the basis of this strategy is a reliance on a Thai to honor his heritage and do the right thing. I also assume that in 99 out of a 100 cases, that entire wad disappears. Unless there were some useless coins laying there too.

The pro for this ploy is the punter’s complete lack of responsibility for the result. The con, obviously, is how much that result will cost you. But then being a coward is supposed to cost you more.

This is also a popular choice among sex tourists who use a different option for making their primary payment, but who can’t quite work up the balls to deal with the secondary payment that often arises during a farang / bar boy interaction. Experienced bar boys know that even after getting their tip there is still gold to be mined from them thar hills. A common ploy among money boys is to ask for taxi money, after being tipped. Rather than saying no, some punters leave a small handful of bills and coins to nod towards for the bar boy to pull his taxi money from. Some consider this a good test of the bar boy’s honesty; how much he takes shows how well he should be trusted. But that he asked for taxi money when he’s gonna take a bus home in the first place pretty well settles that question. Know what I mean Vern?

The Energizer Bunny.
This is a new one to me, a process nicely detailed by a poster on one of the message boars recently that goes like this:

“This is for short time” (agreed upon given)
“This is for you to buy present” (tip if given)
“This is for taxi” (40 baht in Pattaya and 60-100 baht in BKK)
“This is the pass code for my ATM account” (priceless)

Okay, so I added the last line, but seriously . . . a) you are not counting out change, and b) WTF? Firstly, your boy du jour really does not care how you justified the amount you decided to give him. Hell, he probably doesn’t even understand your analytical bullshit ‘cuz that’s far too much English being used in the first place. Secondly, even if you are one of those punters who thinks negotiating the amount you’ll pay up front is the way to go – tipping on top of the tip and then adding taxi money to boot is ridiculous. If you need to overpay, just do it. Don’t make a calculator a necessary part of the transaction.

There is a fine line between being generous and being foolish with your money. Often when you think you are being the former, your boy du jour thinks you are being the latter. You think he’ll respect you for being so jai dee; in reality he’ll tell all of his bar mates what a sucker you are. And that they need to plan on an extra ten minutes to allow for the time it takes you to spell out what every baht note you hand him is for. Um, but don’t forget the donation to his university fund, ‘cuz a young mind is a terrible thing to waste.

We’re Here. We’re Sex Tourists. Get Used To It.
Some punters take the suggestion that a bar boy is to be tipped for his services at the end of your time together a bit too literally. Rather than handing over his tip in the room just before the door opens, they wait, escort him to the lobby, and then pay him there. In front of the guests, the staff, and the gods. It’s the bar boy tipping equivalent of public urination. And it’s just as popular too.

Sure every member of the staff already knew you brought a prostitute back to your room. And every other guest already figured out the only way that young thang was gonna be hanging out with your ancient ass was if money was involved. But your boy du jour has some dignity. Even if you don’t. This one is all cons. The only pro is if you decided to be a cheap bastard with your tip, he probably will not make a scene in public. Unless he is a ladyboy. ‘Cuz ladyboys are all about making a scene in public.

Show Me The Money.
The time you spend in private with a bar boy is supposed to be fun. At least for one of you. So when the time comes for him to get a bit of enjoyment out of the transaction, make it easy on both of you. When it’s all over, when he is (unfortunately) dressed once again and ready to head back to his bar and his next customer, hand him his tip, thank him, wish him a good night, and politely open the door. So that you can boot his ass out in case he tries that taxi money ploy on you.

You do not need to count the money out in front of him. Usually he will not count it either. Unless your earlier actions (like you tried to haggle over the off fee back at his bar) suggest you should not be trusted. He may express his gratitude with a wai, sincere or not. You already expressed yours with a gratuity. It is a simple process, one that he’s encountered countless times before. It does not require that you make a production out of the part of your evening that you both would probably like to ignore. And then when he gets back to his bar there’s a good chance he won’t be telling his barmates about the pig he just had for dinner. Because unlike that experiment at the Sriracha Zoo, the relationship between a bar boy and his customer can result in a happy ending for everyone involved.

Related Posts You Might Enjoy:
Gay Gogo Bar First Timers Guide: Part 2b	Bangkok Gay Gogo Bar Dos And Don’ts For The Newbie	A Day Late, A G String Full Of Baht Short