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Pattaya’s gay beach life is a sight that will stay with you for years to come.

Pattaya’s gay beach life is a sight that will stay with you for years to come.

After a refreshing four hour nap I was once again ready to go with my plans on viewing the glorious sunset at the world famous Dongtan beach. Downstairs at my fabulous hotel I was surprised to see the same confabulation of weary old men sitting in the hotel’s cafe as had been there when I arrived earlier that morning. But on closer inspection I noticed that the scene had indeed changed somewhat. Many of the boys who’d been sitting with each, busily thumbing through their cell phones, were now sitting at a different man’s table! This companion roulette stumped me at first until I realized it was a perfect example of the camaraderie and community of those foreigners who’d decided to call Pattaya home. Imagine how fortunate the local population is to have such a great group of seniors willing to share their time with the community’s youngsters while their parents are busy at work. It gave me a warm feeling inside. Especially when several of the boys gestured for me to join them!

But the sand and the sea were calling so I stepped outside to find transportation to the beach instead, filling my lungs with the heady scent of Pattaya’s seaside air, which I’m sure is redolent of papayas and pineapples or some other exotic tropical scents but smelled to my untrained nose like vagina stuffed with Brussel sprouts. Outside I waited for an available taxi to drive by for quite some time before I realized that in such a popular world-class resort town cabs would be popular, well-booked, and difficult to find. Thinking I may luck out on a major thoroughfare, I started down the street but had only made a few steps before a friendly local man approached me with just the greeting I wanted to hear. “Transpo!” he called, quickly getting to the heart of the matter by following that up with, “Only 2,000 baht!”

Well that sounded a bit high to me but it turned out he thought that as many first-time visitors to Pattaya who could not stand the shock to their system of actually finding themselves in Paradise that I wanted to flee back to the airport. After we got that misunderstanding straightened out – as well as an extremely friendly digression during which he invited me to meet some of his family members, first his sister and then his young brother – he offered me a discounted price of only 800 baht to go to the beach. As tempting as that deal was, I remembered my friend Tom had told me the city had a wonderful bus system for tourists to use to get around town so I asked my new friend for directions to the nearest bus stop instead.

A popular form of public transportation, the buses in Pattaya are not quite the same type of vehicle as a bus is back home.

A popular form of public transportation, the buses in Pattaya are not quite the same type of vehicle as a bus is back home.

Gregarious and always willing to help visitors to a fault as the local are, rather than being upset at not landing a customer my new friend gladly led me down the street and around the corner to catch a bus. And it was a good thing he did too. Being used to the much more formal system for public transportation back in the States, I was expecting to find a well-marked bus stop, but in this tropical paradise they’ve made using their buses as easy as possible: anywhere along the main routes you can just flag one down!

Fortunately for me my new friend not only helped me make sense of their local customs involving public transportation, but also saved me from embarrassing myself by explaining that in Pattaya when someone helps you you should always say thank you with a gratuity. I could tell he was a bit embarrassed himself in having to explain that custom, even more so in having to supply me with the proper amount to tip him, so rather than the 100 baht he suggested I gave him 200 and got paid in kind with one of those glorious smiles Thailand is famous for.

Well, that was money well spent let me tell you! My new friend not only taught me how to use their bus system but even went as far as to negotiate the fee with the driver for me, haggling on my behalf for an unbelievable deal of only 40 baht! And boy are those Thai people tip crazy! I even saw the bus driver tip my new friend 10 baht for bringing him a new passenger!

Older Western men and their granddaughters vacationing in paradise are a common sight in Pattaya.

Older Western men and their granddaughters vacationing in paradise are a common sight in Pattaya.

Now I have to admit the local bus wasn’t quite the Greyhound type of transportation I was expecting; it looked more like the illegitimate offspring of a Toyota that had coupled with a rollerskate. I would have never guessed it was a bus, it looked more like a small pickup truck with a camper shell on it. But its designers had done their job well by removing the tailgate and efficiently reusing the back bumper as a step, which I later noticed also served as standing room for overflow passengers. Inside, two padded benches ran down the length of the passenger compartment, one on each side with a series of windows thoughtfully provided to allow the wonderful tropical air to circulate and cool the ride. I doubt if any of my fellow passengers got the low price I’d scored, but regardless Pattaya’s busses are popular among foreign visitors and locals alike, as most I used during my stay were always packed beyond capacity (and proving just how easy it is to negotiate like a local once you are in the know, I managed to score that same 40 baht fare on every bus I took during my entire visit!)

My inaugural bus ride was filled with European and American men and their granddaughters (who’d have guessed their generation was so approving of mixed marriages!) and several groups of young local women (btw – the locals, not all that adept at using the English language, have taken to the quaint use of ‘ladyboy’ to mean young girl) who quickly squeezed together offering me a seat among them on the worn, once-padded benches. Now I’ve heard disparaging comments made about this wonderful tropical shangri-la that suggest its sole purpose is as a destination for illicit sexual encounters, but that just shows you how those unfamiliar with local customs can interpret them incorrectly. For example, almost as soon as I sat down I felt several of the young ladyboy girls’ hands caressing my buttocks! But obviously in such a public space this was not a sexual gesture but a local way of greeting tourists. And it’s a good thing I carry my wallet in my front pocket or I’d never have felt those warm, welcoming embraces!

Dongtan  Beach is a great place to meet local artists and to pick up one-of-a-kind handmade souvenirs.

Dongtan Beach is a great place to meet local artists and to pick up one-of-a-kind handmade souvenirs.

Fortunately one of the older European passengers – this one accompanied by his grandson (or possibly his great-grandson) figured out which beach I was headed for and told me when to get off the bus. At first I thought it was just a transfer point and that another bus would be coming along shortly since the beach looked to be still quite a hike away, but with the ocean in sight and the sandy pathway shaded by towering coconut trees I set off for a leisurely walk and within 15 minutes spotted a welcoming rainbow flag fluttering in the breeze, signaling that my new home-away-from-home was just ahead.

Now I have to admit that my bus ride through town had not quite suggested the world-class tropical resort town I was expecting; at first glance Pattaya looked more like a halfway house without a roof, a grimy ‘burb of cheek-to-jowl businesses and residences just waiting to be condemned for health-code violations over which a pall of dirt had settled that even the frequent morning rains seemed unable to dislodge. In the dog-eat-dog world of resort destinations clamoring for tourist dollars, Pattaya came off as a fire hydrant. But that initial impression was quickly forgotten once I hit the beach. Okay, sure, it was still a bit on the grimy side. And its fabled turquoise-blue waters ran more toward a gray that matched the hair on my fellow beach-goers’ heads. But Dongtan Beach’s charm was not in its setting, but rather thanks to the wonderfully friendly local people who spend their day ensuring every visitor’s stay is a memorable one, and that every visit has a happy ending. And wow were there ever a lot of locals intent on making that dream a reality!

I’d barely stepped onto the sand before a local man came rushing over to escort me to what would become my own private beach chair, replete with an umbrella to fend off the harsh rays of the sun, a real necessity if the leather-like skin sagging off the bodies of the elderly visitors who surrounded me was any indication. Of course, nothing good comes for free and even the mediocre has its price, so after I explained this was my first time at the beach the man told me there was a 300 baht rental fee for the chair, which sounded a bit expensive but the locals have to make a living too and they did have some sort of a frequent-lounger reward system in place where each subsequent visit cost less and less. I offered to pay him then, but he told me I could run a tab and he’d keep track of my bill for me since I could also order food and drinks to be delivered to my private lounge. And with that, a beer I had not ordered magically appeared, showing just how in-tune with tourist needs the concession was.

Getting a genuine Thai massage at the beach is one of life’s little pleasures.

Getting a genuine Thai massage at the beach is one of life’s little pleasures.

And a good idea that beer was as I was soon quite thirsty from interacting with the never ending parade of local men and women who stopped by my chair to welcome me with offers of food, drinks, trinkets, snacks, sex toys, greeting cards, dvds, and massage services. It was like a shopping mall that came to you and I soon had a pile of souvenirs stacked beside me as more and more bottles of beer appeared as magically as had the first. And what amazing deals I got too! I bought a beautiful hand-made hammock that the little old lady who sold it to me had tied herself for only 2,400 baht! And a gorgeous Thai silk scarf, produced by silk worms the seller had raised himself, for an unbelievably low price of only 3,800 baht!

Well, I’m not much of a shopper and in that thirty minutes I’d done more shopping than I had over the last year so I was quite worn out. And as friendly a the local merchants were, I just couldn’t see the need for yet another hand-made Thai silk scarf, having already bought several to a point where – while I knew each fabric craftsperson had spent hours bent over their loom to produce such beautiful pieces of art – they all started to look alike. So I began to consider taking up the offer of a massage that a few dozen men and women had stopped by to offer me already. Thai massage has a worldwide reputation for being the best of the best, and I could see the amount of tender loving care the beachside masseuses devoted to their art from watching their sessions with the many male tourists who engaged their services. Usually they would move to a secluded, shady spot under the panoply of palm trees, where they would place a towel over the customer’s bathing suit for privacy, so intent on getting it situated just right they often kept readjusting that covering, up and down, and up and down again.

With all of the wonderful tourist-related activities on the beach to keep you entertained, you don’t think much about those who call Pattaya home, both Thai and expat alike, and how important the beach is in their daily life. For the foreigners who’ve retired to this little slice of heaven, many of whom led a sedentary life back home, the beach offers a much needed place for exercise, although I have to assume due to the late afternoon hours when I visited most get their exercise regime in during the cooler morning hours. But that leaves them and the many older male tourists who quickly pick up on their cues ample time to entertain the amazingly large number of young local boys who arrive at Dongtan beach daily in hope of finding a foreign visitor to learn more about the countries they come from.

Elderly visitors take great delight in brightening the lives of young local boys who visit Dongtan  Beach daily to intract with foreigners.

Elderly visitors take great delight in brightening the lives of young local boys who visit Dongtan Beach daily to intract with foreigners.

And the local boys are greatly appreciative of the interest those men show them too. Each and every one of the local lads an ambassador of good will, with a familiarity that belies their young age, they eagerly greet every newcomer to their beach. Thirsty as the youth of the world tend to be, they often strike up a conversation with the friendly greeting of, “Buy me drink.” But their Buddhist upbringing ensures that your needs too are taken care of – over and over again, probably after having spotted my large stack of souvenirs and knowing I’d need assistance in carrying them, young men stopped their frolicking by the sea to offer their help. “I go to hotel wit you!” was the most common offer, though many of the boys also offered me a Thai massage, knowing how tired my muscles would be after hauling my purchases back across town.

Of course being the polite man that I am I did not want to take any of them away from their fun in the sun, but having been told of the Thai aversion to saying no – or maybe that’s just not an English word they’ve yet learned – I replied to most, “Maybe later.” But one young man was so intent on doing his good deed for the day that he kept coming back every few minutes and offering his help again and again. Well, it’s hard to refuse that kind of warmth and concern, so I finally suggested I’d buy him a cold soda while he waited for me. As you might expect, that put a wide smile on his face and he quickly called over the beach concessionaire and translated my offer in Thai for me. Okay, so ‘soda’ got mistranslated into an entire meal, and ‘you’ got mistranslate into ‘for you and all of your friends’ but the joy in the faces of the gaggle of boys who came rushing over was worth the price. Though I did feel a bit bad about hogging all that good will – I noticed the foreign men around me scowling because my little act of generosity meant fewer young men for them to show a good time to.

But then I think, being a Dongtan beach novice, my social faux pas should have been forgiven. I mean it was obvious I’d not yet learned all of the intricate local customs practiced here. For example, I’d noticed many of those men took such a high interest in the welfare of the boys that they would frequently check inside of their bathing suits for the occasional, stray irritating grain of sand – which seemed a simple enough gesture, but for the life of me I couldn’t figure out why the men would then tip the boy, or how much of a tip was expected when you were the one helping him out. But every church has its own ceremonies, and I was sure that before my holiday was over I’d master those in play at Pattaya’s most famous beach for men.

The boys who call Dongtan beach home enjoy the company of  foreign men. And boy is there lots there to enjoy!

The boys who call Dongtan beach home enjoy the company of foreign men. And boy is there lots there to enjoy!

Well the boys who’d come to dine with my new friend soon realized they were depriving the other old men of their opportunity to enjoy their company so they all moved off to new spots under the beach’s colorful rows of umbrellas, while, with his tummy full my boy – who had earlier told me his name was Ton, but I think he meant Don – fell into a pleasant sleep beside me, accidently allowing his hand to rest in my crotch. Now the more prudish among you may think that was some sort of a sexual gesture, but in reality it was a quite common sight on the beach and typical of how quickly these local boys form innocent, intimate friendships with the foreign men they meet. Which, with us, became even more intimate when I finally allowed Don to help me carry my purchases back to my hotel. But that’s another tale which will have to wait until the next instalment of my story, along with the telling of a rather embarrassing and disastrous interlude when I decided to try my hand at the sport of jet-skiing in Pattaya. So stay tuned.

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